Posts Tagged spanking

Of Ropes and Breasts

When it comes to bondage, I’ve mentioned before that I tend to be a chains and cuffs kind of guy rather than a rope aficionado. For me, the bondage is a means to an end—I want Joy to feel helpless, and cuffs and chains (or adjustable ties) accomplish that goal effectively and efficiently. While I recognize the artistry that true rope experts can engage in with their complex webs of knots and strands, it’s simply not my cup of tea. The scent of the warm leather cuffs and the clink of the chains as Joy struggles against her bonds calls to me far more strongly that an artistic tie.

Even so, there are times when cuffs and chains simply won’t work, or at least won’t be very effective. In those situations, rope becomes the best option, and because of that, we include several lengths of bondage cord in our arsenal of equipment. The most common situation that requires me to “bust” out the rope is when I decide to bind Joy’s breasts.

Why bind Joy’s breasts, you ask? Doing so doesn’t really make her more helpless or restrain her in any way. What’s the point?

Well, there are actually several points (including two “points all her own, sitting way up firm and high” as Bob Seeger once put it).

  • The first is that it excites Joy. I confess that I’m not quite sure why this is so—I suspect it’s more the concept that her breasts are bound than any physical sensation—but the fact remains true nonetheless.
  • Second, there is no denying that the sight of Joy’s bosom nicely framed by black bondage cord is quite captivating. I definitely enjoy the view when we go this particular direction.
  • Third, the constriction of her tender flesh causes the blood to collect in her breasts, which has the interesting effect of making her nipples become even more sensitive than usual. This extreme sensitivity is highly desirable, in my opinion, regardless of whether we have sensual stimulation or something more…cruel…in mind.
  • And speaking of something cruel, the final good point is that binding Joy’s breasts provides extra support, in somewhat the same way as a bra, helping them to stand out proud from her body and framing them up nicely for the spanking I am about to deliver to them.

Yes, spanking is where we usually end up. Sometimes I use my hand, sometimes our leather slapper, sometimes even the crop or the switch, but in general, when they are bound, Joy’s breasts get a bit of slapping around before we are through. The combination of fear, pain and sexual energy excites her so—Joy is never wetter than when she gets her tits thoroughly spanked. And an added bonus is that they remain tender and therefore more sensitive than usual for a couple days afterwards, a fact that can be utilized for all kinds of fun in follow up adventures.

In most cases, binding breasts cannot be effectively done using cuffs or a chain—there’s no good way I’ve ever found to connect cuffs or chain to a female breast. However, for a reasonably busty female (Joy is a C cup), a rope is both flexible enough to wind around the body and can get enough purchase on the skin to grip a breast nicely. Problem solved!

There are several ways to bind the female breast, but as you know, I tend to favor the simple. Here’s a link to an instructional video that will show you how to create the same tie that I often use for Joy—I recommend it if this is your first time trying this form of bondage.

One other word of advice—the bosom is a tender part of a woman’s body. Rope that you buy at the grocery store or the local Home Depot isn’t necessarily made for use on delicate skin, and may easily abrade the tissue. Because of this, I suggest purchasing rope specifically made for bondage. Not only will it look nicer, but it’s designed for use up against human skin, and will keep abrasion to a minimum.

Enjoy yourself!


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Love-Hate Relationship

Joy hates to have her breasts spanked.

It hurts, after all. Whether I use my hands, or a flogger, or our lovely crop, there’s no doubt that it causes pain. Plus, it’s not pain that ceases immediately once the spanking is over. Joy reports that she can be quite sore all the next day and tender for a day after that following a nice evening of smacking the crop down upon her nipples, over and over, as she writhes in her bonds. This remains true even though I use a delicate combination of gentleness and cruelty, striving to walk the proper line between them.

Add to that the fact that it’s her breasts that we’re talking about! Joy very much enjoys having her bottom spanked, despite the fact that it, too, hurts. However, she is far more protective of her breasts than her bottom, and far more concerned that they might be harmed in some way. A bottom is made to take a bit of abuse–it’s what we sit on, after all. Female breasts, however, are delicate by nature. Joy worries that I might leave marks from the spanking, and I have to confess that even despite being careful, the possibility of bruising her pale, tender flesh remains a real possibility.

Oh, Joy truly dreads to have her breasts spanked–the combination of fear and pain causes her to break out in goosebumps whenever she guesses that this particular activity might be on the night’s menu. Once the first smack descends, she whimpers and struggles against her bonds, straining to get away.

…and yet…

Joy becomes extremely excited when her breasts are spanked.

Just the thought makes her heart pound. I usually don’t enlighten her with my plans in advance, but as I lay out the implements she often divines the possibility that her breasts may be due for attention. Her breath catches as I place the cuffs upon her wrists, and as I draw her arms up and fasten them out of the way, leaving her chest defenseless, her nipples come erect. She squirms as I insert the gag and draw it tight around the back of her head.

When I pause between smacks and stroke her between her thighs, she is sopping. The adrenaline courses through her, magnifying the effect of every touch, every caress. When I end the spanking and enter her, I find her three-quarters of the way to orgasm already. It doesn’t take Joy long at all after having her breasts spanked, and when she comes, she comes hard, her face twisting and her toes curling, a wordless expression of strain and release bursting from her throat. Her orgasm seems almost dragged out of her–she could not prevent it even if she tried.

Oh, having her breasts thoroughly and relentlessly spanked as she is helpless to prevent it holds great excitement for Joy, so much so that it can overpower the fear and pain. It’s a love-hate thing. Joy both dreads and desires, wants and despises, loves and loathes to be spanked on her breasts. She’ll tell me she doesn’t like it, and yet, when she knows it’s a possibility, I can watch her arousal level rise. If given the opportunity, might she ask for it of her own volition? I’m quite certain that even Joy, herself, doesn’t know the answer to that question.

But that’s the beauty of all this, isn’t it? Joy doesn’t need to face this quandary. It is not her choice. I choose for her and remove the indecision. And Joy is free to both love and hate, all at the same time.

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Another Step on the Journey

Guest Post by Joy

I know it has been a long time since I have written. The past few months have marked some major milestones for Jake and I, but the growth has brought a certain amount of pain, and not all of the good sort.

Around the beginning of the year, we set out on a course of nightly maintenance spankings, and they went fairly well, at least at first. Then the novelty wore off and I could not bear them anymore. Jake bought me arnica gel, which may or may not have helped with the bruising (it’s not like I could see back there), but it left my skin hard and dry. I felt sore and ugly, and things began to fall apart. Not only did I rebel against the nightly spankings, but against anything submissive, and things stopped altogether. There were no nightly romps in the playroom.

Jake was miserable, and frankly, so was I.

After several months, when I could finally admit that infrequent vanilla sex wasn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life, Jake suggested that we might benefit from putting together a contract. We’ve never had a contract before, and thought it didn’t seem like it would matter, the idea was exciting all by itself. He wrote a draft, which I reviewed and suggested a few changes to, and then we signed a final version complete with limits, rules and consequences if rules were broken.

That contract lasted only a couple of weeks before I changed my mind yet again. It wasn’t enough. There was a clause in the contract that allowed me to opt out, and I took it.
Within days, the old frustration surfaced again: the frustration of not knowing what Jake wanted, what I wanted, the inability to articulate desires, and the frustration of just wasting time that we will never recover. And for both of us, the inability to ascertain just exactly what it was that the other wanted.

” Jake”, I whispered one night in one of our many, many conversations, “I can’t do this. I don’t even know what it means to be submissive. What is it that you want me to do?”
Finally, FINALLY, Jake said “When I want to do something in the bedroom … anything, don’t ask yourself if you want to do it. Don’t think about whether or not you will do it–that’s not even a question. Just tell yourself that you must do it. You have no choice.” For me, a light bulb finally went off.

At Jake’s suggestion, but with my agreement, we removed the opt-out clause from the contract. Jake spanked me that night (and more), and we are proceeding onward. We have tried some new things…things that I drew the line at before, but found that they were enjoyable after all, or at least immensely satisfying.

I think I get it now. I am relaxing. I don’t have to be ashamed to be willing to do something my mother (or friends, or anyone for that matter) might disapprove of. I cannot fight with my own demons, who tell me what a normal sexual relationship should or should not be. I have a contract. I have no choice. And wow … contrary to what you might think, it is so freeing. I feel liberated, given permission, or perhaps given an order (or at the very least ‘my papers’) to resume a journey that Jake and I began a few years ago.

As with any journey, I just cannot keep asking “Are we there yet?” I just need to relax and enjoy the trip. I will know if and when we get there.

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Joy of Spanking

Note that this is an updated repost of something I wrote a couple years ago. Joy and I have not progressed yet to the point where we are spanking again, though we continue to take baby steps. Nonetheless, I still believe the below is accurate and may prove helpful to some.

Apologies for the infrequent posts. I have decided that my current employment situation is delicate enough that steps must be taken to pursue alternatives, and that is consuming most time that would be available for blogging. With luck, things will improve soon and I’ll be able to devote more attention to this site. Thanks!

Two adults sit together on a bed. One lays across the other’s knee, naked bottom upturned. Down comes the hand of the other across the tender flesh resting on their lap, eliciting an expulsion of breath and leaving a slowly reddening handprint on pale skin. Down comes the hand again and again, and the bare-bottomed person twists and wiggles, whimpering and gasping at each contact, but always leaving their rear end exposed and available for the next blow.

Why do we do this? What about this excites us? The idea of spanking for fun seems counter-intuitive, and yet, I bet that when you picture the above situation, you feel a certain illicit thrill. You may picture yourself as the spanker, or you may place yourself in the role of the person being spanked, but whichever role you prefer, there’s something exciting about the act of spanking. Where does that excitement come from?

My belief is that a single engine powers most of the excitement in virtually all of BDSM. The Dominance/submission dynamic is that engine, and when you look under the hood of any spanking activity or relationship, you will find the D/s engine purring smoothly away.

Spanking capitalizes on Dominance and submission in at least three different ways:

  • First, there is the obvious physical domination that the spanker displays over the recipient of the spanking. Whether the submissive partner is across the Dominant partner’s knee or bent over a chair or bound to a spanking table, the fact that they are presenting themselves to the Dominant in a vulnerable position demonstrates submission in an unequivocal physical way. Any form of bondage that is involved in the scenario (one of my favorite positions in which to spank Joy, for instance, is over my knee with her hands cuffed behind her back) only adds to that physical vulnerability and submission.
  • Second, spanking carries with it the connotation of a punishment utilized by a parent with a child. While frowned upon in many circles today, there’s no argument that spanking has been a traditional form of discipline in parenting for millennia. A child-parent relationship requires some level of obedience, with spanking being the time-honored method of correction for disobedience, and some of that flavor comes across into Dominant/submissive spanking. Please note that I am not saying that a submissive is necessarily child-like and or that a D/s relationship that includes spanking must have a parent/child dynamic. Feelings, atmosphere and mood, however, operate very effectively in BDSM, and some of the feeling of the traditional punishment by a parent bleeds over into BDSM spanking, heightening the sense of Dominance and submission.
  • And finally, there’s the idea that spanking causes pain. That’s the point, right? While the pain may be relatively minor, it exists nonetheless. The idea that the submissive partner makes themselves vulnerable and allows the Dominant partner to cause them pain is a powerful demonstration of submission. After all, submitting to something you want to do anyway is easy. However, when your partner requires you to do something you do not want, something that causes pain for instance, and you do it anyway, well… that’s real submission.

    Now let’s be clear, here. Generally the submissive partner desires to participate in the spanking, too—they like the overall experience. However, it’s somewhat rare for anyone to say that they get actual physical pleasure from the immediate act of being firmly slapped across the ass. (There are folks out there who do derive pleasure from pain, but they are not the norm, even among the active submissive population). Being spanked, even for a full-blooded submissive, doesn’t feel good in the way that receiving a warm hug or even being given oral sex feels good. Usually the physical sensation is one of pain and the submissive must endure it; they do not crave the next stroke of the belt.

    However, the experience of being spanked provides the submissive with excitement–usually sexual excitement. The excitement comes because allowing themselves to be spanked provides such a clear demonstration of passing control to their partner. The excitement and arousal of giving themselves up to their partner, even in the certain knowledge that their partner means to cause them pain, paradoxically causes the submissive to desire the experience even despite the understanding that they will have to suffer the sting of the belt, hand or paddle. And to some extent, the greater the pain, the greater the submission, and therefore the greater the excitement.

I’ve focused on the submissive in my writing above, but stand everything on its head and you’ll see the same dynamic from the Dominant perspective. The Dominant gets their enjoyment of the act of spanking their partner primarily from the feeling of Dominance it provides. Each smack on the behind demonstrates quite definitely that their partner has surrendered themselves, and thereby adds to the overall excitement level.

In my opinion, it is clearly this demonstration of the D/s dynamic that gives spanking much of its juice. So, there you have it. In a rather lengthy nutshell, this is why I believe most of us like to spank each other. So what do you do with this information? Well, the strategy that occurs to me is to add to the D/s aspects to heighten the excitement a spanking generates. The more you can increase that feeling of Dominance and submission, the more powerful the spanking experience will be. Time-honored options for this would include:

  • Add a little bondage—see my parenthetical above about cuffing Joy’s hands behind her back before I take her over my knee.
  • Require the submissive partner to choose or fetch the instrument with which they will be spanked. “Do you want to pick the crop behind door number 1, the paddle behind door number two, or the switch behind door number 3?”
  • Require the submissive partner to ask for each stroke before you deliver it. “Thank you sir, may I have another?” Or, set a number of strokes and have them count them off (and of course if they lose count you must start over).

I’m sure you can come up with more ideas on your own. As long as they reinforce Dominance and submission (and they are within your partner’s limits), they will add energy to your adventure.

Enjoy Yourself!


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Joy’s Favorite Spanking Tool

My own personal favorite tool for spanking my wife’s bottom is my bare hand. There’s a particularly satisfying “thwack” when it comes down on Joy’s behind, and I love the feeling of her soft skin under my palm and the way she jumps when I land just right. Plus, when I have her over my lap and the quarters are close, other implements tend to be cramped or crowded. My hand works best when we are up close and personal.

However, Joy feels differently, I believe. After a considerable amount of experimentation, I believe she has settled on the flogger we purchased from Conina as her absolute favorite implement for spanking. As she reported out a few weeks ago, it was the item she chose when I required her to pick a tool to be spanked with. After a couple late-night discussions on the topic, I believe I understand why she likes it so well.

The flogger is a gentle tool. I know that its name doesn’t sound gentle–the word “flogging” conjures up images of medieval punishments. However, a BDSM flogger is not the cat o’ nine tails you may fear. Instead, its “falls” (the strands that hang from the handle) have little individual bite to them when they connect–they don’t weigh enough for that. Instead of biting, they slowly build up a heat in Joy’s bottom that eventually turns to a burn. And because it’s a gradual escalation, it allows her to slowly relax into the spanking, sinking down into it bit by bit. Other tools, including my hand, are a tad more abrupt.

Now, I can certainly appreciate the benefits of the flogger, and due to its gradual approach, I have begun to use it frequently as a warm up tool. Once Joy has reached the proper frame of wind under the flogger’s tender ministrations, I then move on to other instruments…my hand, or a paddle, or the Viper’s Tongue. Because she’s already been properly pre-heated, Joy’s bottom can accept their somewhat rougher attentions more readily. And that way we’re both happy.

But I have lately discovered an additional use for the flogger that is catapulting it into a primary position in our spanking arsenal. Joy has historically been very reluctant to be spanked anywhere other than on her bottom. Oh, true, I have forced the issue upon occasion and required her to spread her legs to allow me to spank her vulva. That has been only a rare occurrence, though, and spanking other targets–notably her breasts–was something she’s always been very afraid of.

The soft and gentle approach of the flogger has, however, allowed me to begin a slow exploration of Joy’s body, allowing its tendrils to trace a path beyond Joy’s rear end and over her thighs, up her back, under her arm and around around to her breasts. It is quite the exhilarating experience to watch Joy’s nipples grow fiercely erect under the flogger’s fingers as she stands beneath the hook in our playroom ceiling, her hands bound high over her head to fully expose her body. We remain in the very beginning stages of our exploration, but this direction definitely promises excitement for both of us as we move forward. So, the flogger is rising in the hierarchy of our spanking tools. Whereas I once thought it was too soft and low-intensity, I’ve developed a new appreciation for its talents.

Lucky flogger…it gets to kiss Joy all over her body…

Enjoy yourself,


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