Posts Tagged same sex BDSM

Sex Dolls and Hot Girl-Girl Action

The word “doll” can have different meanings within the realm of BDSM, but in this case, I’m being literal. You know those inflatable sex dolls you sometimes see gathering dust on the shelves when you visit an “adult” toy store? I suspect that many of the people who actually buy one do so for use as a gag gift at a bachelor party. I have yet to meet a guy who ‘fesses up to having used one for its intended purpose (though I’m sure there are those who have). Nonetheless, I purchased one for a creative reason a couple years ago, and I thought it might be worth sharing why.

Readers of this blog may recall that Joy and I have experimented a bit with involving another woman in our adventures. Our friend Beth has joined us a few different times and thoroughly dominated Joy, to their mutual satisfaction. However, reaching a point where we could invite Beth to drop by for an evening of fun didn’t happen overnight—it was a gradual process, with several fits and starts built into it. One of the mantras I try to follow when taking Joy beyond her comfort zone is to take baby steps and proceed gradually towards our final destination. Meeting with Beth definitely required this gradual process.

The first baby step was pure fantasy—I’d tell Joy to imagine that this was another woman’s tongue rather than my own, for instance, or describe a scenario featuring another woman that we could act out together. The second step was video—we watched a variety of videos online that starred two women together, especially the Ultimate Surrender videos (which feature both Dominance/submission and women with women). But even after both these exercises, clearly the leap from watching on a monitor to participating in person was still too great for Joy, and that’s where the sex doll comes in.

I purchased a high quality doll—it was modeled after some porn star named Sophia. In the world of sex dolls, quality is highly relative. As far as I know, no sex doll looks or feels remotely like a real woman, though I understand that there’s an outfit in Japan which is well on the way to creating a robotic partner that will substantially raise the quality bar. Our Sophia, however, at least has hair on her scalp, a molded plastic head, molded plastic hands and feet, and a fairly body-shaped body. I wanted her to at least be realistic enough to take on symbolic value for Joy.

And that, of course, was the key—symbolic value. My thought was that if I could help Joy move her fantasy a step closer to reality through the symbolic use of Sophia, it would constitute one more baby step along the path. And in fact, though we had at least one false start, it worked.

Though she has been with her twice, Joy has never actually seen Sophia the doll. There’s a reason these things are sold in a box in the store and not displayed already inflated. When you see one actually blown up, it immediately becomes clear how un-lifelike and, candidly, ridiculous they are. Because of this, I made sure Joy wore a blindfold. Having no mental image of the doll allowed her imagination to take over, and I’m certain she pictures Sophia as far more real that she actually is. And with Joy’s vision obscured, I could play a role in the fantasy as well, moving Sophia to the right position, causing her to grasp Joy’s hair with her hands, and helping her to press her plastic lips to Joy’s.

By being with her while she could not see, Joy could focus on what she felt. She could feel Sophia’s hands caress her, feel Sophia’s nipples against her lips, and feel Sophia’s thighs on either side of her head as she moved up between her legs. In no way does Sophia’s inflatable body resemble the touch of a real woman, but because she took on symbolic value in Joy’s mind, Joy felt excitement at the situation and the actions she performed. They became more real to her, and brought her one step closer to actualizing her desire.

As our friend t1klish has stated in comments and in her own blog, “Not every woman is a lesbian!” That’s certainly true, and if Joy felt zero attraction for the idea of being with another woman, we would not have gone in this direction. However, Joy had confessed (under a bit of pleasurable provocation) some small interest in exploring a female-female adventure. She also felt ashamed of that interest and couldn’t admit it in the light of day. The desire existed inside her, but was locked away behind bars of conventionality and conformity to her traditional upbringing. My own perspective, then, was that I wanted to open the locked doors and free Joy’s desire from its confinement. Despite her unreality, Sophia proved to be one of the keys.

Why share all this? Well, for one thing, I got to write that eye-grabbing title for this post! I also thought it might point out the value of creativity and the virtue of taking incremental, baby steps when working with your partner’s limits and taking them beyond their comfort zone. And finally, I share it because I was re-ordering the playroom this past weekend and came across poor Sophia, boxed up in the storage bin I packed her away in after we didn’t need her anymore. She looked sad and lonely. So, if you have a moment, spare a kind thought for the poor, deflated girl who had her brief moment in the spotlight and now sleeps in the dark. Well done, Sophia, and thank you.

Enjoy Yourself,

Jake

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Strength of Submission

If you’ve followed along with this blog, you might remember that Joy and I have experimented, upon occasion, with a female friend, Beth. She’s joined us for a few different adventures, though it’s been almost a year since we last got together. However, during the scenes in which she’s played a role, I have noticed something that I’d like to talk about, and it has far more to do with Joy than it does with Beth.

I’d say that Joy is not particularly bi-sexual, as she pretty clearly prefers men in bed. However, she can appreciate female beauty, and in the right situation, she can get very turned on by the touch of another woman (as we’ll discuss further in a moment). It’s just that it’s not her natural proclivity, and in normal circustances she’d never consider getting naked and spending the afternoon under the covers with a female friend. In fact, as with many other things the world might perceive as kinky, Joy was raised to view same-sex relations as taboo.

However, here’s the interesting part. What really excites Joy, far more strongly than you might ever imagine, is to be Dominated, to be overpowered, to be conquered, and to be taken. The power of this experience is so great for her that it transcends almost all other factors, including the gender of the person who is overpowering her. The identity of the other person and the situation she is in both matter, because she needs to be able to trust that she is safe. However, assuming that the trust is present, Joy can derive extreme excitement from a female partner in just the same way that she does from me.

This first became apparent to me as the result of watching x-rated movie clips together online (this can be a fun way to learn about your partner’s “interests”…first I pick one and we watch it, then she picks one and we watch it, etc…). There’s a series of video clips from an outfit called “Ultimate Surrender”, in which female wrestlers grapple, tear off each other’s clothing, and then try to score points by pinning their opponent in a variety of compromising positions. At the end of the round, the winner gets to employ a strap on dildo and Dominate the loser in whatever way they choose, including penetration. These movies, with their contest of strength and the physical awarding of the loser’s body to the winner for their use and sexual gratification clearly engaged Joy’s fantasy. They made her downright hot. And in fact, it was these movies and the desire they created that enabled Joy to overcome her feeling of “taboo” and let me suggest introducing Beth to our playroom.

I still hadn’t fully understood the direction this dynamic flowed in and how much strength it had until Beth joined us for the first time. I had thought (and still believe) that Joy is stronger than Beth, and if it came down to a real battle, Joy would overpower her. Even though Beth had a fair bit of experience with BDSM, I pictured Joy dominating Beth, and had actually purchased a strap on dildo to enable her to do this.

My mental image couldn’t have been farther from the truth, however. I guess I’d kind of half-imagined some kind of wrestling re-enactment, but there was none of that. Instead, after a couple minutes of awkward, still-wearing-your-robe-over-lingerie-clad conversation, Beth apparently flipped her mental switch over to “what the hell!”, spun Joy around and pushed her face down over the bed, forcibly removed her robe, pinned her down and used the belt to tie her hands, and administered a thorough and quite energetic spanking. In the end, it was Beth that played the victor’s role, Beth that wore the strap on, and Beth that made Joy service her. And Joy gasped, squirmed, struggled and came, just as she might have with me.

We’ve gotten together in the playroom a total of four times, and though the activities we’ve done together vary, there’s definitely a pattern. Though we knew Beth as a relatively close acquaintance before this relationship started, and she and Joy can talk and laugh together if we meet socially, when we’re in the playroom, Joy is awkward and shy…right up until Beth takes control of her.

I believe two different dynamics are at work here. The first is that having Beth “make” her surrender helps Joy to free herself from the guilt of doing something she would ordinarily feel a certain stigma about—playing with another woman. She can’t help herself—Beth is making her do it—so there’s no need to feel guilty. However, the second dynamic is that of the power exchange itself. Beth overpowers her, just as the winning “Ultimate Surrender” wrestler overpowers the loser. To the victor go the spoils. In this case, the spoils are Joy herself, and the thought of that…the thought of having to give herself over to someone who has overcome her…is so powerfully attractive that it doesn’t matter whether the victor is male or female. It only matters that they have subjugated her.

I wonder if this is true beyond this particular coupling. Is the excitement of submitting inextricably bound up in the identity of the partner one submits to? Or is the fact of being made to submit enough, and (provided that one feels safe) it can supersede the identity of the Dominant? Usually I am full of ideas and theories, but this time I don’t have enough data to even be able to guess…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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