Posts Tagged oral sex

Friday Adventure Idea: Thorns and Roses

Recipe for Thorns and Roses

Roses and Thorns is an old idea, but a good one. It derives its power from juxtaposing romance and tenderness with harshness and cruelty, just as a rose juxtaposes its beautiful blooms beside sharp thorns. In the first Friday adventure post I did, I mentioned that I felt that there are really two types of adventure—action adventures and mood adventures. Roses and Thorns definitely falls into the mood category. Because of this, it lends itself to many, many variations—as long as you set up an expectation of tenderness within your partner and then foil that expectation with harsh treatment, you have created a Roses and Thorns scenario. With that in mind, the actions I lay out below should be considered only suggestions, and you can modify them however you see fit within the general framework.

As usual, this scenario is portrayed from the point of view of a male Dominant with a female partner, but genders and roles may be freely swapped if necessary to fit your relationship with little impact to the adventure. Ensure you have a safe word in place before you begin.

You Will Need:

  • Scented Candles
  • Lotion, cream or massage oil
  • Romantic music (your choice)
  • A spanking implement (could be a paddle, a crop, or even just your hand)
  • One pair wrist cuffs
  • One pair ankle cuffs
  • Two snap hooks

Note: A romantic theme for your partner’s attire is appropriate—think innocence and white lace and you’ll be headed in the right direction. Place all ingredients listed above after “romantic music” in close proximity, but out of sight until an appropriate point in the adventure to avoid interference with the mood you are creating.

  1. Light the candles, turn on the music, and lay out the lotions and oils, then invite your partner to join you.
  2. Focus on setting a romantic mood. Whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear, nibble her neck, exchange soft kisses. Take your time and strive to create a feeling of relaxation and tenderness.
  3. Rub your partner’s hands using hand cream, and when you’re done, use foot lotion and rub your partner’s feet. Build up passion with caresses and petting along the way, but give no hint of anything that is not vanilla romance.
  4. Ask your partner to roll over to lay face down, and then rub her back. Use massage oil if you have it. Straddle her thighs so that you have a good angle and work her back muscles until she feels very relaxed. Tell her how soft her skin is and how lovely she looks.
  5. Now comes the first jarring note. Using your weight to help her feel unable to move, grasp her hands and draw them behind her to the small of her back. Hold them there as you cuff them and use a snap hook to connect the cuffs behind her.
  6. Climb off your partner and bare her bottom. If she’s wearing panties, remove them. If she’s wearing some sort of nightgown, pull her skirt up over her waist. Caress her ass and upper thighs softly and tenderly.
  7. Using your hand or whatever spanking implement you choose, give your partner a thorough paddling. You want this to contrast markedly with the feeling of tenderness you created earlier, so now is not the time to be gentle. You should approach the edge of your partner’s comfort zone with spanking, but as always, be sensitive so that you don’t go too far.
  8. When your partner is fully exercised and gasping, stop the spanking, pull her to you and let her calm down in your arms. Administer kisses and caresses as appropriate. When she has relaxed a bit, buckle the ankle cuffs to her ankles, then remove the snap hook from the wrist cuffs behind her back so that you can pull her arms to the front. Attach each wrist cuff to the corresponding ankle cuff (right wrist to right ankle, left wrist to left ankle) in the wrists to ankles position.
  9. Position your partner on her back. The cuffs she wears will tend to keep her legs naturally parted. Kiss her tenderly on the lips, caress her body, kiss her breasts and nipples, dip your head between her legs and lick her pussy. You are striving to recreate the feeling of tenderness you destroyed with the spanking only a few moments ago.
  10. When your partner is highly excited and responsive, move up to her head. Grasp her hair with one hand and pull her to your penis. Make her suck it. At the same time, use your other hand to spank her between her legs, on her vulva (remember the vulva is a highly sensitive area and don’t spank her to hard!). Let her know you expect her to be a good girl and take your cock nice and deep.

You may finish this scenario however you choose—in your partner’s mouth if that is your preference, or you can change positions and finish between her legs or her cheeks. Select whichever option appeals to you.


As I said above, the variations on this theme are countless. The fun comes from confounding your partner’s expectations—just when you have her expecting tender, you give her harsh, and vice versa. This, of course, emphasizes that you may choose to treat her however you wish to, and what she wants or expects won’t be a factor in the decision.

Enjoy yourself,


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Bondage Positions for Blow Jobs

Bondage Positions for Receiving Blow Jobs

Before I begin, I want to remind readers that I am a bondage pragmatist. In other words, I prefer function over form and simplicity to complexity when it comes to bondage. I am absolutely certain that someone, somewhere has created the perfect bondage position in which their partner hangs suspended upside down from the rafters in a web of lovingly crafted knots, placing their mouth at the perfect height to administer an oral favor. However, that someone is not me, and I’m not going to focus on complicated systems of restraints like that.

Instead, I’m going to focus on quick and easy positions that deliver against what I consider to be the two primary criteria when combining bondage with receiving a blow job. Those criteria are:

  • Control and it’s antithesis, helplessness: This is, after all, the reason for bondage in the first place. A good bondage position maximizes the Dominant’s control and emphasizes the helplessness and vulnerability of the submissive.
  • Oral Accessibility: The quality of a blow job depends on the recipient’s ability to make effective use of their partner’s mouth. Positions which block access or deny adequate movement reduce the pleasure of the experience.

With that in mind, I submit that there are really just two optimal positions for a bound blow job. Other positions in which oral sex is possible certainly exist—the hog tie, for instance—but while they should not be overlooked, they do not provide the same quality of experience as the two best options. These two options deliver quality in spades!

  • Option 1: Kneeling, Hands Bound Behind

    To implement this position, bind your partner’s hands out of the way behind them and then place them on their knees while you stand before them. Their ability to lean forward and back, use their knees to adjust their height and angle of attack, and freedom to move their head as desired provide excellent oral accessibility and makes this a wonderful blow job experience. More than that, the act of kneeling in front of you while you stand creates a delicious feeling of submission for them, while the fact that their hands are restrained and out of the way allows you to grasp and guide their head as you desire (aren’t ponytails wonderful?) and finish the experience as you see fit.

    Hands may be bound in a variety of ways. The simplest option is to simply cuff them behind your partner’s back, but you may also cuff each individual wrist to the corresponding ankle, or if you have a bondage belt, cuff them to the connection points at each side. Or, to heighten the feeling of submission to its maximum, cuff your partner’s hands together, pull them up over and behind their head, and attach the cuffs to the connection ring at the end of an already-inserted Rope Master (and if you don’t have one of these, now would be the time to get one!).

  • Option 2: Lying Face Up, Head Hanging Off the Edge of the Bed

    To place your partner in this position, arrange them so that they lay face up on the bed with their head extending just over one edge. Stretch out their hands and legs and secure them to the bedframe using cuffs, ropes or other connections. When properly positioned, your partner’s head will tilt down and back, giving you full access to their mouth and a wonderful angle for deep throat penetration.

    The previous position allowed your partner to move to provide you with pleasure. In this position, however, they have little flexibility for movement. Instead, their mouth is positioned to allow you to thrust into it, essentially giving you free rein to use their mouth. Again, this position creates an excellent sense of Domination and submission, and as a bonus, it enables you to play with your partner’s outstretched body while you take your pleasure if you desire. If you truly want to maximize the feeling of helplessness for them, consider introducing a ring gag, which prevents them from being able to close their mouth while still allowing you to penetrate.

    Care must be taken to ensure that you are not overly rough when using this position. Your partner cannot prevent you from thrusting as deeply as you want, and therefore opportunities for going excessively deep and triggering a gag reflex abound. Be gentle, especially if you have not tried this before! As with the first position, you have control over how and where you choose to finish, with many lovely options provided by the scenic vista spread before you.

  • One thing to note is that this post assumes that the Dominant partner is the one receiving the blow job. If your relationship dynamic is such that the Dominant partner will be giving the blow job instead—a perfectly valid configuration–a whole different menu of options opens. But those options will need to be covered in another post…

    Enjoy yourself,


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Spinning Oral Sex

In general, giving oral sex is a submissive act. This is because it is performed by one partner for the pleasure of the other partner–the giver provides a service that the recipient desires. However, oral sex need not always be submissive. There are ways to spin it so that it is less submissive or even dominant, and there are ways to spin it to make it even more submissive than usual. I’d like to explore a few of those options in this post.

First let’s consider how to enhance the submissive aspects. Generally submission involves relinquishing of control to another and doing as they ask. So, to make oral sex become an even deeper act of submission, the dominant partner may:

  • tell the giver exactly what you want them to do and how you want them to do it, then require that they follow your instructions
  • require the giver to ask you for permission to perform oral sex on you
  • make the privilege of giving you oral sex the “reward” for completing a task or performing a service
  • require oral sex in a location or situation that is outside of the giver’s normal comfort zone (e.g. on the balcony of your hotel room, or in front of your roommate)
  • require the giver to simulate oral sex with an object, such as a dildo, while you watch
  • bind the giver’s hands behind their back, over their head, to their feet, etc.
  • bind the giver in an awkward or compromising position, such as a hog-tie
  • blindfold the giver
  • use your hands to hold the giver’s head in place or to “help” them give you oral sex

Male Dominants may also:

  • leverage some sort of open mouth gag, such as a ring gag, to prevent the giver from being able to close their mouth (there by making them feel “helpless” to resist giving oral sex)
  • require services after the inevitable result of the oral sex, such as swallowing and/or cleanup (generally performed with the tongue as the cleanup instrument)

Female Dominants, on the other hand, may:

  • sit on the giver’s face (be careful to allow them to breathe!)
  • require cleanup after the session is finished (generally performed with the tongue as the cleanup instrument)

Obviously there are other ways to increase the submissiveness as well–this isn’t a complete list! But it ought to at least spark some ideas. Now, however, let’s go the other way. What if you want to make you giving your partner oral sex into a dominant act? How might you go about doing that?

  • require that they give you oral sex at the same time (the 69 position)
  • require them to perform some sort of service, complete a task or pass some kind of test before giving them oral sex
  • restrain them so that they are “helpless” to prevent you from giving them oral sex
  • bind them in a particularly awkward or vulnerable position, such as bent over a chair with hands and feet lashed to the legs for a female, or supine with arms and legs outstretched for a male
  • require them to ask (or depending how well you do this, beg) for permission before they orgasm
  • don’t let them achieve orgasm–each time they get close, stop for a moment and then resume
  • mix pain with pleasure–alternate between spanking or flogging and oral sex, perhaps requiring them to submit to a certain number of strokes before the oral sex resumes
  • This list is shorter (though still incomplete!), as it’s harder to make giving your partner head a dominant act. But as you can see, it’s nonetheless eminently doable, and you shouldn’t drop it from your tool belt just because you play the dominant role.

    What’s the point of all this? Really, it’s that domination is about control. Whatever act or action you perform, whatever situation you are in, if you’re in control, you are dominating. If you are reacting to the situation and letting it happen to you, then you’re submitting. With this in mind, just about any activity you engage in can be either dominant or submissive–it’s all in the attitudes of the players.

    Enjoy yourself,


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Oral Submission

One of the things I most like to do during a scene is to make Joy submit to me orally.

No, not that kind of orally–though, come to think of it, that’s also one of my favorite things to do. But what I mean it that I like to require her to use words to express her submission.

We learn to use language from infancy, and by the time we reach adulthood, it has become deeply embedded in our minds. In fact, most (all?) people carry on a running, inner monologue in their heads as they think, expressing their thoughts and feelings in words within their the confines of their head. Many of these words never exit that inner monologue–the brain chooses to censor them before they can be uttered. This process, carried on behind the opaque walls of our mind, allows us to think all kinds of things that we don’t care to admit, including those things that in the light of day we would call “unthinkable”. Because they exist only in the privacy of our minds, we retain deniability and feel safe, even if sometimes a bit guilty. Even that guilt can be assuaged, however, by telling ourselves that we are only thinking to ourselves, nothing more.

When words escape that inner monologue and exit via the tongue to open air and the ears of another, however, we lose that deniability. Instead, by virtue of those words, we admit our thoughts to both the listener and, more importantly, to ourselves. In fact, we are forced to acknowledge thoughts that we might have hidden from, and confront ideas or fantasies that may trigger our sense of fear or shame. In a sense, our spoken words make our inner thoughts more real.

In a BDSM context, this idea carries much importance and can be used in a varitey of ways. For instance, many people hold unspoken fantasies within them that they feel afraid of or ashamed to admit. Being required to speak those fantasies aloud can help overcome these negative feelings, and can help fuel the desire to make the fantasy real. If you can say it, many times you can do it.



“Joy, you want to be made to lick another woman’s pussy, don’t you? … Don’t you?”


“Tell me. Tell me what you want!”

“…I want to lick another woman’s pussy….”

“No, that’s not it. Tell me what you want!”

“…I want to be made to lick another woman’s pussy…oh my God, I do…”

This effect can be so powerful that sometimes just saying something can make it so, even if it was not necessarily so before you said it.

“Joy, do you want me to spank you tonight?”


“Do you want me to spank you with the crop? The one that bites?”

“…if you want to…”

“No, answer me. Do you want me to spank you with the crop?”


“Tell me what you want.”

“…I want you to spank me with the crop…”

Expressing something in words repeatedly can also act as a reinforcement, strengthening an idea, adding reality to it bit by bit.

Joy, who do you belong to?”


“These pretty lips…who do they belong to?”

“To you.”

“And these pretty lips–who do they belong to?”


And finally, there’s the idea of adding an extra level of submission by requiring your partner to request something that they aren’t very sure that they want in the first place…

“Joy, shall I spank you a little harder? Wouldn’t that be fun?”


“Joy, wouldn’t you like me to spank you harder? Ask me to spank you harder.”


“Ask me to spank you harder.”

“Would…you spank me harder…?”

“Of course, my dear, since you ask.”

All of these are examples of the spoken word’s ability to embody thought and imbue it with power. In some cases, that power can be leveraged to overcome limits or travel down an unexplored path. In others, it can be used to heighten Dominance and increase the feeling of submission. But in each case, the words take what existed first in the imagination and help to make it real.

The first kind of oral submission can be great fun–I’ll be the first one to admit that. But you know what? This other kind…the verbal kind…it can be just as much fun if you use it right.

Enjoy yourself,


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In Defense of the Facial

I’d like to say a few words about “facials”. Facials are, of course, a subset of the species Blowinium Jobius, and because of that, perhaps it’s best for us to begin at the basic blow job and move on from there…

Blow jobs are wonderful things. Not only do they feel great to the recipient, but they can also play quite an important role in a BDSM relationship which features a male Top, as they lend themselves so well to Domination. Requiring your submissive partner to take you into their mouth and give you pleasure while they, in return, receive little-to-no stimulation themselves certainly establishes a hierarchy of whose needs are going to be met first! More than that, there’s a certain feeling of being “in charge” that comes from using your partner’s mouth as a receptacle for your penis.

Like most guys, when it comes to reaching the climax of a blow job, I feel the location that provides the best overall sensation is inside my partner’s mouth. It’s warm and moist and slippery and…receptive. Given the option, this would be the destination of choice for my ejaculation nine times out of ten. However…there is that tenth time. And I thought I’d talk about it today.

Allow me to put in a plug for the “facial”. If you ever look at pornography, either online or via video, you’ve certainly seen men performing this act. They ejaculate across their partner’s face, rather than in their mouth or other location, generally laying a trail of semen across their cheek, lips and hair. It’s kind of a messy act, all-in-all, but appears ubiquitous across all pornographic venues today.

Throughout my twenties, I felt that the facial was rather repulsive and kind of dumb, frankly. The messiness didn’t appeal to me, for one thing—it felt like the ejaculator was purposely trying to make oral sex sloppier by drawing attention to the squirting sperm. Also, I didn’t like the “showing off” aspect it provided, almost as though the act were designed specifically to be captured on film for viewing by a third party. And finally, it also appeared to be a lost opportunity. You’ve got a warm and willing mouth right there, one that’s usually helped you get right to the verge of orgasm—why not take advantage of it?

But over time, particularly as I’ve developed my BDSM skill set, I’ve come to realize that the facial has a purpose I had missed. It takes the sense of Domination and submission already inherent in a standard blow job and magnifies it. Because of this, I confess that I’ve added it to my Dominant repertoire for occasional use.

One’s face is the body part most deeply associated with one’s sense of self (contrary to popular belief, even for men, it is not the sex organ). If one thinks about oneself, the image that comes most readily to mind is the face one sees when looking in the mirror. And so, by allowing their partner to ejaculate across, upon or all over their face, the submissive partner conveys the message, “I give you my very self to use as you see fit, without regard to my dignity, my cleanliness or my pleasure”. If the recipient of the facial is female, there’s an added dimension to this. Although it is a stereotype that women care more about their appearance than men, I believe that like most stereotypes, this one holds at least a modicum of truth. A female partner who submits to a spurt of come across her face has placed her partner’s desire ahead of her own appearance, emphasizing the depth of her acquiescence.

From the Dominant perspective, the commonality between the facial and the instinct of males to mark their territory cannot be disregarded. While this may seem primitive to some, I believe that we humans are ruled far more sternly by instincts baked into our genetic code than we ever admit. By coming across their partner’s face, the Dominant invokes that instinctive display of territoriality to make the symbolic statement, “You are mine!” loudly and clearly.

Between these two, mutually-reinforcing, non-verbal messages, the D/s impact of a facial can be very great. Add in a firm grasp of the submissive’s hair to hold their head steady at just the right time, plus the natural tendency for the recipient of the facial to close their eyes and wait for the eruption, and you have just about a perfect expression of Domination and submission.

So, though it’s never going to be my favorite, and in most cases I prefer the warmth of Joy’s lips around me, an occasional use of the facial has proven to have a positive impact. While you may decide to let sensation guide your decision and end in your partner’s mouth, don’t overlook the possibility of the facial. Sometimes an extra expression of Dominance is worth the tradeoff of coming out in the cold.

Enjoy yourself,


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