Posts Tagged inside baseball

Joy’s Perspective

Joy is a little worried.

As I posted a couple weeks ago, I recently published an e-Book meant to serve as a handbook on BDSM for beginners. The book has actually been pretty much written in one form or another for a couple years. For a long time, however, I hesitated about publishing it. The reason for the hesitation was that I was worried about how Joy might feel about it.

“Oh,” she told me several times, “Go ahead and publish it! You’re a good writer, and I think you should go forward.” And in fact, Joy even edited the manuscript before it went live on Amazon. But even so, I had concerns. I double-checked with her one last time before hitting the “publish” button, and she looked me straight in the eye and told me, “Do it.”

So I did.

This afternoon, though, we talked a little about how she felt. Joy often has a hard time speaking about her feelings, but this was a rare mood, and she was able to open up more fully than usual. And here’s what she shared about how she feels.

“I’m a little scared,” she said. “And I’m a little embarrassed. What if someone knows who I am? What if your book becomes popular and someone discovers that it’s me that you are writing about? How will I look my friends in the eye? What will people think?”

Truth be told, that is a risk. Frankly, even having this blog carries with it that risk, and all of us who blog about “out-of-the-accepted-norm” topics worry about it a little. I am less sensitive and therefore less worried than Joy is, but there’s no question that what I write might raise some eyebrows among my vanilla friends and acquaintances.

Joy, however, has an extremely strong reaction to feelings of embarrassment. She hates to feel ashamed. And as she points out, society takes a different view of a woman who likes to be Dominated and spanked than of the man who likes to spank her and make her submit. Neither is positive, mind you, but the man’s perspective is more easily understood.

Hopefully being “outed” is a risk that won’t be realized. However, I suspect that even if it did come to pass, that both Joy and I might be a little surprised at the range of reactions we’d get from the members of the vanilla crowds we hang with. I’m sure we’d get the cold shoulder from some, and that we’d be the source of endless gossip. However, I also believe that there would be others that would give us a secret wink of understanding, or surreptitiously ask us curious questions in private venues when the occasion presented itself.

And hey…maybe they’d buy copies of the book. That would be a bonus!

Joy also shared that a part of her is jealous. That caught me by surprise, but I guess, in retrospect, it shouldn’t have. If you’ve read her occasional contributions to my blog, you’ll know that she writes well and has her own distinct viewpoint. And she definitely has a strong sense of competition inside her, which she sometimes focuses to a lesser extent even on me. Of course, my reaction is, “Then, please, go ahead and write—I’ll absolutely be supportive!” Perhaps she will…though I suspect her choice of subject matter might be different.

Despite all this, however, Joy remains positive she made the correct decision when she said, “Do it.” I love my wife, who can be amazingly brave at times.

Enjoy yourself,


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Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds – the Book

I have finally completed something I’ve been threatening to do for a long time. I have written an e-book. Joy assisted in both the editing as well as adding a few contributions of her own. It’s called “Exploring Dark Dreams: A Beginner’s Practical Guide to BDSM”, and it’s available via Amazon.

It is meant to provide information for people who are curious about, who are just starting out exploring, or who fantasize about bondage, Domination/submission, and sadism/masochism. It covers everything from BDSM basics, to safety, to equipment, to techniques, to adventure starter ideas. In short, it’s a guidebook to help you get started on your journey.

It’s available just in time for Christmas, so if you know a couple who might benefit from adding a little D/s to their relationship (I personally know at least two!), it might make a fun gift. It might even make a good gift for a partner who you hope to convince to play our sort of reindeer games with you.

Full-disclosure—while there is original content in the book, much of it is pulled from the years of blogging I’ve done on this site, and you could gain most of the information it provides by going back and reading through all my various years of posts. However, the book puts it all together in a logical, coherent format and makes it easily portable. Plus, you can’t give a blog to someone for Christmas.

Hopefully it’s also a fun read. If you buy it, thank you! And if you buy it and enjoy it, a review on Amazon would be much appreciated!

Enjoy yourself,


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A Modicum of Patience

Patience plus the willingness to accept progress in small increments can allow one to move a mountain…even if the mountain is made of fear and embarrassment and frustration.

It appears that we are back on track. Don’t know that I’ll resume regular posting, but I did want to share that the issues Joy and I struggled with have been worked through, and we are once more settling into a pleasurable D/s routine. The frowns and frustration that have haunted our home have been replaced with smiles and sighs of excitement. It took about four months…maybe four and a half…but we are back. And that’s a very good thing.

I may not have any readers left after so long an absence, but just in case there are still a few who check in, that’s a quick status update from Jake and Joy’s house. Oh, and for the record, we are on “P” week in our ongoing run through the alphabet of cocktails. Do you like Pina Coladas? I suspect I may have one tonight, and then a little later, I may have something else that starts with a “p”…

Enjoy yourself,


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Just Popping In…

…for a second to let you know that both Joy and I are still alive. I can’t say as much for my old computer–it suffered a catastrophic meltdown a couple weeks ago. In addition to having to order a new PC, getting it delivered and then installing and configuring it, we had a little bout with a surgeon to contend with, which resulted in a lengthier-than-expected recovery time. Did I mention that 2013 is shaping up to be a difficult year?

Nonetheless, we persevere. The surgeon has been left behind and the post-op complications are in the rear view mirror as well. The new PC is installed and humming quietly away. And this is “E” weekend, which means I need to get cracking on finding both a cocktail and a BDSM activity that start with the letter “E”…

Don’t think just because I haven’t posted we didn’t do weekends “C” and “D”, by the way. Both were very nice and quite entertaining! I hope to post a catch-up entry to share those letters here in the next couple days.

Enjoy yourself,



I Was Glad February Ended, But Is March Much Better?

You know, I’m not particularly superstitious, but I’m beginning to think that years that end in “13” are bad luck. Life is just hard right now! In February we had a bout of illness that ripped through our little household and laid us low for a solid week, immediately followed by (and perhaps leading to) a batch of relationship woes that have sidelined our D/s activities. The employment situation has been a mixture of heavy demands for time and effort and an increasingly precarious outlook for the future, and in the meantime, prices go up, taxes go up, and every time you turn around somebody is looking for money somewhere. And it feels like the amount of rules and regulations (traffic cameras, permission slips, licenses, forms to fill out, and processes that must be followed) in our life keeps rising higher and higher, and has now reached a point where one’s head is just about to go under. When did life become a quicksand of bureaucracy?

Perhaps it will get better when spring fully arrives, but didn’t TS Eliot say something about April being the cruelest month? I don’t know. It would be nice for the world in general to catch a break.

All of this is a lead up to saying sorry for the lack of quality posting lately. It’s hard for me to find time to write, and with Joy and I still trying to work through our problems, it’s also hard to find inspiration. I will say that we are making progress, and even though I don’t think we’ve quite reached the root of the problem, communication continues and more and more information and feelings are being uncovered. I plan on writing a post providing a better update to our situation and what seems to be getting in the way in the next few days. Of course, I’ve been telling myself that for several days in a row now. Hopefully I’ll be able to find time soon…

Enjoy yourself,


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