The word “doll” can have different meanings within the realm of BDSM, but in this case, I’m being literal. You know those inflatable sex dolls you sometimes see gathering dust on the shelves when you visit an “adult” toy store? I suspect that many of the people who actually buy one do so for use as a gag gift at a bachelor party. I have yet to meet a guy who ‘fesses up to having used one for its intended purpose (though I’m sure there are those who have). Nonetheless, I purchased one for a creative reason a couple years ago, and I thought it might be worth sharing why.
Readers of this blog may recall that Joy and I have experimented a bit with involving another woman in our adventures. Our friend Beth has joined us a few different times and thoroughly dominated Joy, to their mutual satisfaction. However, reaching a point where we could invite Beth to drop by for an evening of fun didn’t happen overnight—it was a gradual process, with several fits and starts built into it. One of the mantras I try to follow when taking Joy beyond her comfort zone is to take baby steps and proceed gradually towards our final destination. Meeting with Beth definitely required this gradual process.
The first baby step was pure fantasy—I’d tell Joy to imagine that this was another woman’s tongue rather than my own, for instance, or describe a scenario featuring another woman that we could act out together. The second step was video—we watched a variety of videos online that starred two women together, especially the Ultimate Surrender videos (which feature both Dominance/submission and women with women). But even after both these exercises, clearly the leap from watching on a monitor to participating in person was still too great for Joy, and that’s where the sex doll comes in.
I purchased a high quality doll—it was modeled after some porn star named Sophia. In the world of sex dolls, quality is highly relative. As far as I know, no sex doll looks or feels remotely like a real woman, though I understand that there’s an outfit in Japan which is well on the way to creating a robotic partner that will substantially raise the quality bar. Our Sophia, however, at least has hair on her scalp, a molded plastic head, molded plastic hands and feet, and a fairly body-shaped body. I wanted her to at least be realistic enough to take on symbolic value for Joy.
And that, of course, was the key—symbolic value. My thought was that if I could help Joy move her fantasy a step closer to reality through the symbolic use of Sophia, it would constitute one more baby step along the path. And in fact, though we had at least one false start, it worked.
Though she has been with her twice, Joy has never actually seen Sophia the doll. There’s a reason these things are sold in a box in the store and not displayed already inflated. When you see one actually blown up, it immediately becomes clear how un-lifelike and, candidly, ridiculous they are. Because of this, I made sure Joy wore a blindfold. Having no mental image of the doll allowed her imagination to take over, and I’m certain she pictures Sophia as far more real that she actually is. And with Joy’s vision obscured, I could play a role in the fantasy as well, moving Sophia to the right position, causing her to grasp Joy’s hair with her hands, and helping her to press her plastic lips to Joy’s.
By being with her while she could not see, Joy could focus on what she felt. She could feel Sophia’s hands caress her, feel Sophia’s nipples against her lips, and feel Sophia’s thighs on either side of her head as she moved up between her legs. In no way does Sophia’s inflatable body resemble the touch of a real woman, but because she took on symbolic value in Joy’s mind, Joy felt excitement at the situation and the actions she performed. They became more real to her, and brought her one step closer to actualizing her desire.
As our friend t1klish has stated in comments and in her own blog, “Not every woman is a lesbian!” That’s certainly true, and if Joy felt zero attraction for the idea of being with another woman, we would not have gone in this direction. However, Joy had confessed (under a bit of pleasurable provocation) some small interest in exploring a female-female adventure. She also felt ashamed of that interest and couldn’t admit it in the light of day. The desire existed inside her, but was locked away behind bars of conventionality and conformity to her traditional upbringing. My own perspective, then, was that I wanted to open the locked doors and free Joy’s desire from its confinement. Despite her unreality, Sophia proved to be one of the keys.
Why share all this? Well, for one thing, I got to write that eye-grabbing title for this post! I also thought it might point out the value of creativity and the virtue of taking incremental, baby steps when working with your partner’s limits and taking them beyond their comfort zone. And finally, I share it because I was re-ordering the playroom this past weekend and came across poor Sophia, boxed up in the storage bin I packed her away in after we didn’t need her anymore. She looked sad and lonely. So, if you have a moment, spare a kind thought for the poor, deflated girl who had her brief moment in the spotlight and now sleeps in the dark. Well done, Sophia, and thank you.