Posts Tagged Bondage Atmosphere

Away from Home

Joy and I are lucky enough to have a dedicated “playroom”. Oh, it wasn’t designed for that purpose—originally it was just an extra bedroom in the house—but over the years we have made some modifications that make it particularly hospitable for BDSM activities. However, sometimes it’s a good thing not to play in the playroom. Sometimes extra fun can be had by playing somewhere else.

Sure, it’s possible to leverage the other rooms in the house, and that can be interesting as well, but in this case I’m talking about leaving the house entirely. Let’s face it—people are comfortable in their own homes. In fact, that sense of comfort is precisely what turns a house into a home in the first place! But part of the fun BDSM brings comes from taking one’s partner outside their comfort zone, and one way to accomplish this is through relocating one’s adventures. Tying up your submissive partner or making them submit to a spanking somewhere outside your house can be quite effective in getting their adrenaline pumping.

This actually works very well for a surprise adventure. Here’s an example from our own life a couple years ago:

It was right around the holidays (which is what made me think of this). We both had to work the Friday before Christmas, and for a treat, I suggested to Joy that she meet me at a restaurant close to my place of employment for dinner that night. The restaurant also happened to be located across the street from a hotel. Mid-afternoon I took a quick break from working, dropped by the hotel and checked into a room. I dropped off an overnight bag holding some necessary supplies (cuffs, etc.), placing it close to the door where it would be handy, and then went back to work. I had, of course, said nothing about the hotel to Joy.

Joy met me at the restaurant, looking lovely in the skirt and blouse she wore to her office that day, and we had a nice meal. At no time did I hint that there was anything other than dinner in the offing. But after paying the bill, I did not escort Joy back to her car. Rather, I took her by the hand and led her across the street to the hotel. As we waited for the light to change, she asked where we were going. I placed my finger across her lips and replied, “No questions.”

The hotel was the kind where you can enter the building from an exterior door without going through the lobby, so we were quickly in the room. My goal was to keep Joy off balance and outside her comfort zone for the duration of the adventure, so I performed the following tasks quickly and with no preamble:

  1. Unbuttoned and removed Joy’s blouse
  2. Unfastened the clasp of Joy’s bra and exposed her bare breasts
  3. Cuffed Joy’s hands behind her back (her eyes became wide and her nipples rather stiff at this point)
  4. Slid Joy’s panties down her legs and wadded them into a ball, then pushed them into her mouth and fastened them in place with a leather strap I had brought with me
  5. Turned Joy over my knee and administered a brief but sound spanking (by now she was breathing very rapidly and her nipples were fully erect—she confessed later that she was deathly afraid that someone would hear the spanking through the hotel walls)
  6. Laid her face down on the bed, applied a helping of lubricant, spread her cheeks, mounted her and then, after a pleasurable interval, deposited my semen deep inside her snug little ass.

Performed at home, this rather simple adventure would have been fun but unremarkable. However, being gagged, spanked and fucked in the ass in the unfamiliar environs of a hotel room with no advance notice to prepare her mindset both terrified and exhilarated Joy, and resulted in an evening of quite spectacular fun. The combination of surprise and foreign territory turned routine into magic for one night.

Since that time, Joy and I have had various adventures in a hotel room quite a few times, and sadly, the magic of unfamiliarity it once provided has faded. However, if this idea is new to you, you can still take advantage of the excitement it offers. And even if hotels are been-there-done-that for you as well, the idea of trying out a strange location is still worth considering. Hotels are easy, but there are other possibilities. Once the weather turns warmer again, I’m thinking about pitching a tent in the backyard and seeing how magical that can be…

Enjoy yourself,


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Friday Adventure Idea: Thorns and Roses

Recipe for Thorns and Roses

Roses and Thorns is an old idea, but a good one. It derives its power from juxtaposing romance and tenderness with harshness and cruelty, just as a rose juxtaposes its beautiful blooms beside sharp thorns. In the first Friday adventure post I did, I mentioned that I felt that there are really two types of adventure—action adventures and mood adventures. Roses and Thorns definitely falls into the mood category. Because of this, it lends itself to many, many variations—as long as you set up an expectation of tenderness within your partner and then foil that expectation with harsh treatment, you have created a Roses and Thorns scenario. With that in mind, the actions I lay out below should be considered only suggestions, and you can modify them however you see fit within the general framework.

As usual, this scenario is portrayed from the point of view of a male Dominant with a female partner, but genders and roles may be freely swapped if necessary to fit your relationship with little impact to the adventure. Ensure you have a safe word in place before you begin.

You Will Need:

  • Scented Candles
  • Lotion, cream or massage oil
  • Romantic music (your choice)
  • A spanking implement (could be a paddle, a crop, or even just your hand)
  • One pair wrist cuffs
  • One pair ankle cuffs
  • Two snap hooks

Note: A romantic theme for your partner’s attire is appropriate—think innocence and white lace and you’ll be headed in the right direction. Place all ingredients listed above after “romantic music” in close proximity, but out of sight until an appropriate point in the adventure to avoid interference with the mood you are creating.

  1. Light the candles, turn on the music, and lay out the lotions and oils, then invite your partner to join you.
  2. Focus on setting a romantic mood. Whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear, nibble her neck, exchange soft kisses. Take your time and strive to create a feeling of relaxation and tenderness.
  3. Rub your partner’s hands using hand cream, and when you’re done, use foot lotion and rub your partner’s feet. Build up passion with caresses and petting along the way, but give no hint of anything that is not vanilla romance.
  4. Ask your partner to roll over to lay face down, and then rub her back. Use massage oil if you have it. Straddle her thighs so that you have a good angle and work her back muscles until she feels very relaxed. Tell her how soft her skin is and how lovely she looks.
  5. Now comes the first jarring note. Using your weight to help her feel unable to move, grasp her hands and draw them behind her to the small of her back. Hold them there as you cuff them and use a snap hook to connect the cuffs behind her.
  6. Climb off your partner and bare her bottom. If she’s wearing panties, remove them. If she’s wearing some sort of nightgown, pull her skirt up over her waist. Caress her ass and upper thighs softly and tenderly.
  7. Using your hand or whatever spanking implement you choose, give your partner a thorough paddling. You want this to contrast markedly with the feeling of tenderness you created earlier, so now is not the time to be gentle. You should approach the edge of your partner’s comfort zone with spanking, but as always, be sensitive so that you don’t go too far.
  8. When your partner is fully exercised and gasping, stop the spanking, pull her to you and let her calm down in your arms. Administer kisses and caresses as appropriate. When she has relaxed a bit, buckle the ankle cuffs to her ankles, then remove the snap hook from the wrist cuffs behind her back so that you can pull her arms to the front. Attach each wrist cuff to the corresponding ankle cuff (right wrist to right ankle, left wrist to left ankle) in the wrists to ankles position.
  9. Position your partner on her back. The cuffs she wears will tend to keep her legs naturally parted. Kiss her tenderly on the lips, caress her body, kiss her breasts and nipples, dip your head between her legs and lick her pussy. You are striving to recreate the feeling of tenderness you destroyed with the spanking only a few moments ago.
  10. When your partner is highly excited and responsive, move up to her head. Grasp her hair with one hand and pull her to your penis. Make her suck it. At the same time, use your other hand to spank her between her legs, on her vulva (remember the vulva is a highly sensitive area and don’t spank her to hard!). Let her know you expect her to be a good girl and take your cock nice and deep.

You may finish this scenario however you choose—in your partner’s mouth if that is your preference, or you can change positions and finish between her legs or her cheeks. Select whichever option appeals to you.


As I said above, the variations on this theme are countless. The fun comes from confounding your partner’s expectations—just when you have her expecting tender, you give her harsh, and vice versa. This, of course, emphasizes that you may choose to treat her however you wish to, and what she wants or expects won’t be a factor in the decision.

Enjoy yourself,


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My Favorite Panties

Before I start, I probably ought to clarify that I mean “my favorite panties for Joy to wear”. For my own personal attire, my tastes run more toward boxer-briefs than panties.

Let’s be honest–I love leather. I love the way it looks, I love the way it feels, and I love the way it smells when it gets warm. I also love the primitive feeling it evokes when I see it made into a garment. Fortunately, Joy feels the same way, and because of this, we own lots of leather stuff…a leather collar, a leather blindfold, leather corsets, a leather bra, and naturally, assorted leather cuffs.

We also own several pairs of leather panties. Now, leather isn’t an obvious material for panties in many ways. It doesn’t breathe well, for one thing, you can’t toss it in the washing machine, and it tends to be hard to avoid panty-lines when wearing it. Because of this, leather panties almost always fall into the category of special occasion “decoration” rather than serving as a typical, wear-them-all-day items. Nonetheless, there are many different makes and models of leather panties available if you do some looking around.

We purchased my favorite panties from JTs Stockroom last year, and we’ve used them many times since then. Surprisingly, they are not crotchless (our experience so far with crotchless leather panties has been poor) but I love them dearly just the same. Joy’s rear end looks absolutely scrumptious in them, and I mean that word “scrumptious” literally, as in “good enough to eat”. They are black (my favorite because it carries such a dark connotation and because it looks great against Joy’s pale skin), and while the front is featureless, smooth leather, the other side is different. The panties lace up the back, and there is something about those laces and the way they frame Joy’s tender ass that absolutely drives me crazy whenever she wears them.

The problem with non-crotchless panties in most bondage positions is that you have to remove them before immobilizing your partner or they will tend to get in the way when festivities commence, if you know what I mean. I very much like to place Joy in bondage, and because of this, our modus operandi when Joy wears these it so stick to hands-only positions, such as bound overhead to the hook-eye in our playroom ceiling. That way I can keep the panties on her for a nice long time and admire the view before I finally reach the point where removal is required.

Even though these panties are incredibly hot to look at, there’s no denying that they are leather and therefore not really suitable for long-term wear. Plus, imagine the panty-lines those laces would make! Therefore, though we break them out frequently, once the scene is over they go back into storage to wait for the next time–they don’t get worn around the neighborhood.

Though most lingerie gets old after the novelty has worn off and gets tossed in the back of the drawer to give the newer purchases pride of place in the erotic-wear collection, these panties have stood the test of time. When I instruct Joy how to dress for an adventure, I keep coming back to these panties every month or so…the sight of her wearing them and nothing else simply calls out to me.

Hmmm…what do you know? I seem to have talked myself into changing our adventure tonight so that we can incorporate these panties into it. Something a little darker than what I originally had in mind, I think. Anyway, I’ve rhapsodized about my favorite panties long enough. Suffice it to say that if you like leather, I couldn’t recommend these more highly.

Enjoy yourself,


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A Mouthful of Penis

I regard gags as primarily decorative. By this I mean that they serve little functional purpose during a scene—after all, they don’t really prevent the wearer from making noise, and most can be spit out if the wearer chooses to do so. From a functional perspective, about the most they can do is to keep the wearer from speaking clearly, and get in the way of oral sex.

None of the above, however, means that I don’t enjoy placing a gag in Joy’s mouth when the situation warrants it. In fact, I like gags quite a lot.
Why? It’s because they do such a good job of creating a strict feeling in a scene! In other words, while they may only be a decorative item, they provide uncommonly strong decoration!

Last year I read a blog post that talked about this, and I wish I could remember who wrote it. My memory tells me that it was a female, Dominant author, but I can’t remember her identity. Anyway, she wrote that, for her, the most submissive moment in a scene, the moment she felt the submissive most clearly surrenders power to their Dominant half, comes as the gag is presented to them. “You can see their mental struggle and watch them as they make up their mind to open their mouth and take it,” she wrote.

I think there is a lot of truth to this, and that the decision to allow one’s mouth to be silenced creates a powerful sense of giving up control. And while they are many types of gags available, when my desire is to maximize the feeling of surrender within Joy, I turn to the penis gag.

A penis gag is basically the head of a realistic dildo sized to fit appropriately in the wearer’s mouth and attached to a strap that encircles the wearer’s head and holds the gag in place. If you’re having trouble visualizing, check the picture. The penis fills the wearer’s mouth and the strap prevents it from falling out or being easily removed.

The beauty of the penis gag is that it creates within Joy the feeling that her mouth is being continually filled by a male member. She can feel the shaft between her open lips and run her tongue over its head, and regardless of how she turns her head or twists away, she cannot deny the use of her mouth to it. By taking in the gag she has given up her freedom to deny it access, and can only accommodate the penis within her mouth, encircling it with her lips, sucking on it.

A good penis gag fills exactly the same functional role as a ball gag, limited thought that role may be. Symbolically, however, the penis gag is far stronger than any ball gag. While she wears it, I am free to give and take pleasure in Joy’s body, to kiss and nibble her, to tease her, and all the while she can feel the penis, implacable in her mouth. I can spread her legs and fill her other holes as the cock lays across her tongue. And I can bring her to climax over and over again as she helplessly gives it a constant, ongoing blow job.

As you can probably tell, there’s something magic in this idea for both Joy and I. Oral sex has been a bit of a challenge for Joy over the years, and it’s required a long period of practice and slow progress for her to reach a comfort level with finishing the act. The idea of her giving up control, of being unable to say “No, stop!” to a blowjob, therefore carries high significance. And the penis gag is one way to capitalize on that idea.

Obviously a penis gag doesn’t lend itself to an adventure where I want to sample Joy’s oral talents with my own member. For that, either no gag or some form of open mouth gag would be best. But when a gag seems like the final, decorative touch required to make an evening just that extra bit stricter, the penis gag is the one I reach for most often.

Enjoy yourself,


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Shine a Light

The atmosphere you create for a BDSM scene matters. Many times atmosphere gets overlooked, but this is a mistake. After all, consider how much of BDSM takes place in the mind. In many ways, a scene is a miniature world of illusion, in which one participant believes they are constrained, though in reality they can be freed at a word, and another believes they have taken control, though in fact it can be removed from them at any time. When it comes to illusion, the stage that you set plays a large role. A scene that looks and feels right helps support the illusion, while one that does not serves to undermine it.

It’s not at all inappropriate to compare a BDSM scene with a movie or theater production. Perhaps there’s no script, but each actor or actress knows their role. The players don appropriate costumes, props are secured, and even the choreography may be blocked. The Dominant plays twin roles as both actor and director, while the submissive…well, generally the submissive is the star.

In a movie, one important way to create the proper atmosphere to support a shot is through lighting. Because the images are caught on camera, light’s role is magnified, and a well-lit shot contrasts starkly with a poorly lit one. While light may not play quite as important a role in a BDSM scene, it nonetheless can contribute greatly to the mood and feeling you wish to create.

A brightly-lit room can create a clinical atmosphere, a feeling of an examination taking place. “Here, let me just unbutton your blouse so that I can listen to your heart. No need to worry, I’m a doctor! Now, let’s get your feet in these stirrups…” It can also be used to emphasize a feeling of humiliation, as under bright lights, nothing can be hidden. Bright light reveals all, and being made to undress under a spotlight can be both disconcerting and exciting. “Take them off. All of them! Hurry up, now.”

Softer light enables an aspect of concealment. Imperfections can be hidden and embarrassment can fade. Soft light can introduce a feeling of romance—mixing tenderness and cruelty becomes an option. “Such soft and gentle lips you have, so lovely to kiss! Allow me just a moment, while I tighten this clamp a single turn more…ahh, there we are! Now, where were we?” Soft light provides a nice compromise between bright and dim, offering enough illumination to see for we visually-stimulated males, but enough shadow to leave a bit of mystery as well. Soft light goes well with lacy lingerie, silky panties and the slow removal of clothing to reveal the hidden treasure underneath.

Candlelight intensifies the sense of mystery. Flickering shadows play across bare skin, concealing as much as the candle flame reveals. The smell of burning fills the air, creating a warm and primitive feeling and calling up half-remembered descriptions of torch-lit rooms deep in the bowels of a castle. “I’m sorry, Milady, but you heard the king’s orders. It must be twenty lashes. Now, give me your hands!” Leather, chain and latex each pair well with candlelight, and the more severe bondage positions feel oh-so-appropriate. An especially effective use of candlelight comes when playing with hot wax, and the only illumination in the room is the candle you’re using to drip, drip, drip down upon your partner’s skin.

Perhaps you don’t desire to be quite so theatrical. That’s okay—there’s no need. The three different light conditions I listed above support less melodramatic BDSM activities perfectly well. Each contributes its own unique flavor to the scene you create, whether it’s as elaborate as a pirate capturing the captain’s daughter, or as simple as a pair of cuffs and a vibrator. Don’t ignore lighting—use it! Light can be a powerful tool to set mood and ambiance, and can contribute greatly to the excitement you create with your partner.

Enjoy yourself,


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