Who’s On Top?

As you probably know, the words “Top” and “bottom” are alternate terms for Dominant and submissive. The words originate from the idea that during sex, the person who is on top of the other is generally the aggressor, the penetrator and the one in control, while the person who is on the bottom is more passive, allows themselves to be penetrated, and gives up control. So the “Top” is on top and the “bottom” is on the bottom, and there you have it!

In my relationship, I’m the Top and Joy is the bottom. However, there’s a certain position that Joy likes very much that flies in the face of the tradition I described above. It’s the “woman on top” position, in which Joy straddles me for intercourse, placing the bottom on top of the Top, if you catch my drift. I thought it might be fun to discuss how we make this position, where the bottom is topping, fit into our D/s dynamic.

The “woman on top” position was the first in which Joy was able to reach orgasm, and though that hurdle has long since been overcome and she is now able to climax in a whole variety of different ways, it remains very powerful for her. “Woman on top” allows her to position her own body for maximum sensation from intercourse, and while that is a blessing from a pleasure perspective, it also speaks to the problem we must overcome. When Joy is on top, she has control.

Oh, it’s not a catastrophe for Joy to retain control in this position—it’s just not our mutual preference. The challenge, then, is to remove at least a bit of that control, so that she can both enjoy the pleasure the position provides and feel Dominated all at the same time, thereby maximizing the experience. Over time we have made substantial progress toward being able to prevail over that challenge.

A long time ago, when I was a teenager, I somehow stumbled across an erotic cartoon which featured a drawing of a young, blonde woman in a dungeon cell, naked with her hands bound behind her, being made to “ride” a large man wearing an executioner’s hood who lay on his back on a table. His hands grasped her hips and urged her up and down upon his erect member, and the expression on her face conveyed a mixture of outrage and arousal. In the meantime, a brunette beauty watched in horror as she waited, bound to the wall, knowing her turn was coming.

That cartoon has been burned into my memory since my youth, and it provided the inspiration for the first method we used to address the issue of control when Joy was on top of me. I simply cuffed her hands behind her back, carefully pulled her over to straddle me, and then assisted her to impale herself upon my penis.

And you know what? It worked pretty well. In this position, Joy retained some ability to position her body to more fully enjoy the intercourse, but as her arms were bound, she had less ability to control events. Notably, she could not easily un-impale herself—it took an effort for her to dismount. She also had a lovely lack of ability to hinder me from playing with her breasts as they swung in front of me, and several times a strategically hidden set of nipple clamps made a surprise appearance midway through Joy’s ride. And, as in the cartoon, I was able to use my own hands to guide her hips up and down as I chose when I wanted to do so.

Over time, however, drawbacks began to appear. The downside to this setup stemmed from the same source as the benefits–Joy’s inability to use her arms. She would eventually get tired trying to ride me using only her thighs to lift herself up and down and back and forth, even if I assisted as I described above. In addition, it was harder for her to move in such a way as to maximize sensation—radical shifts in posture would sometimes make her start to topple over, and I had to catch her before she fell. She worried that one day, if she got too wild and I became too distracted, I might miss and she’d fall off the side of the bed, a painful event with no arms available to help break the fall.

Because of this, we’ve moved away from this setup, and I’ve sadly had to consign the vision of the cartoon from my youth to fantasy. Now we use a different approach.

I put a hook into the ceiling over the midpoint of the playroom bed. (Contrary to popular belief, hooks do not sprout from our playroom ceiling like mushrooms—we only have two!) Now, when I decide that Joy will climb on top of me, I cuff her hands in front of her and then lift them over her head and attach them to the hook in the ceiling. This ensures she still cannot use her hands to interfere as I make use of her body, and she still retains the delicious feeling of being bound. However, she can also use them to assist her to move up and down on my shaft, and she can no longer fall off, even if she becomes rather energetic.

Just goes to show that a hook in the ceiling can solve all kinds of problems. I highly recommend them!

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

Friday Adventure Recipe: Hogtied and Helpless

Recipe for Hogtied and Helpless:

The hogtie is a bondage position that emphasizes helplessness. With her hands and feet gathered together and bound behind her back, this position ensures that your submissive partner can do little more than wiggle under your touch. In today’s adventure, we will further emphasize her state of helplessness with a blindfold (and optionally a gag as well) and then capitalize on it by seriously overloading her sexual circuitry.

One of the drawbacks of the hogtie position is that it makes any form of intercourse difficult. Never fear, however, as we will work around that problem by finishing up in your partner’s mouth. As usual, please note that though I’m writing from the perspective of a male Dominant with a female submissive partner, genders and roles could be changed without too much difficulty to fit your situation.

You Will Need:

Instructions:

For this adventure, you’ll need your partner’s nipples and genitals exposed, so she should be dressed in clothing/lingerie that facilitates this. This could be anything from an open cup bra and crotch-less panties to nothing at all—the choice is yours. You may dress yourself however you see fit—since your partner will be blindfolded, your attire is not much of a factor.

Lay out your equipment so that it is ready for use. No need to worry about keeping it out of sight—it won’t impact anything if your partner guesses what you plan for them. The only possible exception to this might be the gag if you plan to use it, and that’s only because it’s always so much fun to make your partner open her lips and take the gag when she’s not expecting it.

If you do choose to use the gag, remember to be careful of your partner’s breathing, and arrange for some sort of “safe signal” to replace your normal safe word, as she won’t necessarily be able to speak intelligibly.

  1. Begin by bringing your partner to a nice, steamy simmer with kisses and caresses. Keep raising her temperature as you attach the cuffs to her wrists and ankles.
  2. Continue to kiss her and caress her as you place the blindfold over her eyes. And then give her one final kiss before you insert the gag between her pretty lips and fasten its straps in place behind her head.
  3. Gently, but firmly, place her face down on the bed (or the couch, or the floor, or wherever you want her to lie). Bring her wrists together at the small of her back and fasten them with the hogtie (or alternatively with a rope or a snap hook, depending on which you choose to use). Then grasp her feet and pull them up and back until you can connect her ankles to her wrists using the hog tie (or the rope or a snap hook) as well. At this point she should be helpless–blindfolded, gagged and bound in the hogtie position.
  4. Now, roll your partner over until she is lying about three-quarters on her back. (Avoid making her roll over too far or she will have her weight on top of her hands and ankles, which will quickly become intolerably uncomfortable for her.) This will nicely expose her breasts and vagina, and note that because her hands and feet are bound behind her, there is very little she can do to prevent you from doing whatever you’d like to these delicious parts of her body.
  5. Use your hands and mouth to raise your partner’s temperature to a full boil. When she is gasping and squirming and fully lubricated, pick up the vibrator. This is no time for subtlety and gradual build up—turn the setting to high and apply it directly where she likes it the most.
  6. Remember I mentioned we would overload your partner’s sexual circuitry? While the vibrator is working its magic on her genitals, use your mouth and free hand to play with her nipples. Kiss them, lick them, suck them and nip them. Pinch them between your fingers and roll them back and forth. In the presence of great arousal, nipples often seem to convert pain to pleasure, and this is the effect we are going for here. Watch your partner and read her reactions to make sure you don’t go too far in this direction—you want to be sure you are giving her the “good” kind of pain. If you exceed her tolerance for this, however, you’ll cross over to the “bad” kind of pain, and that will detract from the experience rather than adding to it.
  7. If all continues to go well with the nipple play and you want to go a step further, try this. Use your finger to “flick” her erect nipple. Start out gently, and watch how she responds. If her reaction seems to be more positive (as in, “Ow, that turns me on!” rather than “Ow, that hurts!”), you can increase how hard you flick it. Joy only likes this when she’s truly excited–if she’s not extremely aroused, it hurts. But when she is in the proper state of arousal, it drives her crazy.
  8. Your goal is to give your partner multiple orgasms. In fact, ideally you’ll keep her squirming and bubbling for orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Go until you think she can’t possibly take anymore. Since she is so helpless, she won’t be able to stop you, and so will have no choice but to keep on coming. The only exception is, of course, if she uses her safe word (or safe action if you are using a gag).
  9. When you decide to stop, don’t give her time to compose herself. Instead, remove the gag (if you’re using it), then grasp her hair and position her head so that you can enter her mouth. Thrust in and out between her lips until you reach your own climax. The choice is yours whether you come in her mouth or across her face–either will work just fine.

Commentary:

If you’d like to emphasize the feeling of Dominance (and conversely, your partner’s feeling of submission) in this adventure, consider choosing to give your partner a facial rather than coming in her mouth. Once you’ve done so, leave her bound for a few minutes so that she’s unable to clean herself up and must lie there with your sperm on her face (but stay close by–it’s not safe for your partner to be alone when she is gagged and bound). When you decide it’s been long enough, take a cloth and gently wipe her face for her before you free her.

Other bondage positions besides the hogtie will work for this adventure as well, of course, and if you decide that intercourse is a must, you could certainly unbind your partner’s legs to make it more easily possible. Another gag alternative might be a ring gag, which would enable you to penetrate your partner’s mouth without having to stop to remove it.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

Bondage Positions for Genital Spanking

I believe that there are really only three simple, effective bondage position options for genital spanking. If you decide tonight’s the night to restrain your partner, spread their legs and give them a paddling on their most sensitive areas, here’s a quick look at the three options:

Spreadeagle

  • Partner feels helpless (and frankly, is helpless) to prevent the spanking
  • A relatively severe spreadeagle like the one in the picture even prevents attempts at movement to throw off the spanker’s aim
  • Genital area is nicely exposed, though as always, narrow spanking implements (a riding crop, for instance) will work best
  • Comfortable position for the bound partner (except for the spanking part, of course)
  • Requires connection points for all four limbs
Wrists to Ankles

  • Partner cannot use their arms to prevent the spanking
  • Bound partner has more ability to move and/or close their legs to interfere with the spanking, but this can actually be a positive if the spanker wishes to require active voluntary submission to receive each blow–
    “Joy, open your legs…now ask me to please spank your pussy.”
  • Narrow spanking instruments definitely preferred
  • Comfortable position for the bound partner (again, except for the fact that they are being spanked)
  • No external connection points required
    Ball Tie (aka “diaper position” in the spanking community)

    • In a tight ball tie, the bound partner is far more helpless than you (or they) might expect
    • Legs provide leverage to control and position the bound partner’s body as the spanker desires to receive the spanking
    • Genitals are slightly less exposed than in the first two positions, as the thighs provide some slight coverage
    • No external connection points and only a single pair of cuffs required!
    • Because the genital area tends to protrude somewhat in the ball tie, this position is able to accommodate somewhat wider spanking implements if desired
    • Reasonably comfortable position for bound partner provided that the duration isn’t too long

    Of course, it’s possible to mix and match bits and pieces of other positions to good effect as well (for instance, consider an overarm tie combined with some means of tying the legs apart), and if you decide you need to venture beyond “simple”, I’m quite sure someone, somewhere has figured out a way to suspend their partner upside down with legs spread to offer a tempting target. I like simple, though, and so tend to stick with one of these three options when Joy’s pussy needs a bit of disciplinary action.

    Enjoy yourself!

    Jake

    Bondage Position: Hog Tie

    A few months ago, I wrote a series of posts that described the various bondage positions that Joy and I employ during our nocturnal adventures together. Shockingly, I appear to have entirely skipped over the hog tie! Obviously I must remedy this defect immediately…

    The hog tie gets its name from the way that swine were historically secured to prevent them from moving. The animal’s four trotters were gathered and bound together in a bundle. A similar approach is used in rodeos for the calf-roping event, when the rider ropes the calf, dismounts, flips the calf over and binds its hooves together (in this case it’s only three hooves, but the principle is the same). When applied to a human this same general approach applies, except that the four limbs are bound together behind the back.

    To place your partner in a hog tie, simply bind their wrists together behind their back and then bend their legs back and secure each ankle to their wrists. You can use as little as a single strand of cord or a silk necktie if that’s all you’ve got, or you can be more elaborate if you like rope and knots. I, of course, am not a rope guy, so my preferred method usually involves a cuff on each wrist and ankle, and either some snap hooks or our leather hog tie, which is a purpose-built restraint created specifically to enable the hog tie position.

    The severity of the hog tie depends on how much slack you give your partner’s limbs. Little slack implies more severity and less comfort, and more slack implies less severity, greater comfort, and less control. Generally I’ve found that it’s best to leave enough slack to enable your partner to lie flat on their back without being forced to lay on top of their hands. However, there may be special occasions in which you desire more or less slack.

    The great advantage of the hog tie is the degree of control it provides you. If your partner is confined in this manner, they truly can do little to free themselves, as they can’t see behind them to work on loosing the cuffs or knots. They can’t really go anywhere either, as they have little use of either their legs or hands. About the only thing they can do is wiggle, and it can be great fun to give them something to wiggle about!

    Opportunities to provide stimulation to induce wiggling abound, as this position leaves your partner’s breasts, nipples and genitals exposed and (mostly) defenseless. The breasts, in particular, are extremely available, and therefore anything from breast-spanking to nipple clamps to kisses and caresses are very much in play. Manual, oral and mechanical stimulation of the genitals are also extremely convenient, and because the bound party’s mouth is completely unobstructed, it’s perfectly possible to avail yourself of its pleasures while your partner is bound in this way.

    A severe hog tie can become fairly uncomfortable quickly, especially if the bound party is positioned on their back, lying on top of their own arms. Less severe hog ties, however, can be reasonably comfortable for longer periods of time, and therefore are preferred in most cases. As with any bondage position that induces helplessness, one should never leave one’s partner alone when they are bound in this position.

    Naturally, the hog tie has drawbacks as well, and unfortunately I find them serious. The primary issue has to do with access. With the limbs bound back together, the legs and arms get in the way of any activity involving the bound party’s behind, including spanking as well as anal and rear-entry vaginal intercourse. Severe hogties get in the way of front-entry vaginal intercourse as well, but moderate ties with sufficient slack can make it more possible. In addition, it’s only really comfortable for the bound party if they lay on their side or belly. Any positions that require them to remain face up are problematic.

    Because of the access issue, I usually employ moderate severity and limit our use of the hog tie to “all about Joy” nights, where I do my very best to give a bound and helpless Joy orgasm after orgasm, even after she thinks she can’t possibly stand anymore. The hog tie position works very well for this because she truly can’t prevent me from touching her when and how I desire. Sometimes we stop after the last ounce of excitement has been wrung from her and just go to sleep, but often I’ll call a halt a little sooner and leave her bound as I take my pleasure in her mouth or vagina.

    Enjoy yourself,

    Jake

    Bondage Positions for Blow Jobs

    Bondage Positions for Receiving Blow Jobs

    Before I begin, I want to remind readers that I am a bondage pragmatist. In other words, I prefer function over form and simplicity to complexity when it comes to bondage. I am absolutely certain that someone, somewhere has created the perfect bondage position in which their partner hangs suspended upside down from the rafters in a web of lovingly crafted knots, placing their mouth at the perfect height to administer an oral favor. However, that someone is not me, and I’m not going to focus on complicated systems of restraints like that.

    Instead, I’m going to focus on quick and easy positions that deliver against what I consider to be the two primary criteria when combining bondage with receiving a blow job. Those criteria are:

    • Control and it’s antithesis, helplessness: This is, after all, the reason for bondage in the first place. A good bondage position maximizes the Dominant’s control and emphasizes the helplessness and vulnerability of the submissive.
    • Oral Accessibility: The quality of a blow job depends on the recipient’s ability to make effective use of their partner’s mouth. Positions which block access or deny adequate movement reduce the pleasure of the experience.

    With that in mind, I submit that there are really just two optimal positions for a bound blow job. Other positions in which oral sex is possible certainly exist—the hog tie, for instance—but while they should not be overlooked, they do not provide the same quality of experience as the two best options. These two options deliver quality in spades!

    • Option 1: Kneeling, Hands Bound Behind

      To implement this position, bind your partner’s hands out of the way behind them and then place them on their knees while you stand before them. Their ability to lean forward and back, use their knees to adjust their height and angle of attack, and freedom to move their head as desired provide excellent oral accessibility and makes this a wonderful blow job experience. More than that, the act of kneeling in front of you while you stand creates a delicious feeling of submission for them, while the fact that their hands are restrained and out of the way allows you to grasp and guide their head as you desire (aren’t ponytails wonderful?) and finish the experience as you see fit.

      Hands may be bound in a variety of ways. The simplest option is to simply cuff them behind your partner’s back, but you may also cuff each individual wrist to the corresponding ankle, or if you have a bondage belt, cuff them to the connection points at each side. Or, to heighten the feeling of submission to its maximum, cuff your partner’s hands together, pull them up over and behind their head, and attach the cuffs to the connection ring at the end of an already-inserted Rope Master (and if you don’t have one of these, now would be the time to get one!).

    • Option 2: Lying Face Up, Head Hanging Off the Edge of the Bed

      To place your partner in this position, arrange them so that they lay face up on the bed with their head extending just over one edge. Stretch out their hands and legs and secure them to the bedframe using cuffs, ropes or other connections. When properly positioned, your partner’s head will tilt down and back, giving you full access to their mouth and a wonderful angle for deep throat penetration.

      The previous position allowed your partner to move to provide you with pleasure. In this position, however, they have little flexibility for movement. Instead, their mouth is positioned to allow you to thrust into it, essentially giving you free rein to use their mouth. Again, this position creates an excellent sense of Domination and submission, and as a bonus, it enables you to play with your partner’s outstretched body while you take your pleasure if you desire. If you truly want to maximize the feeling of helplessness for them, consider introducing a ring gag, which prevents them from being able to close their mouth while still allowing you to penetrate.

      Care must be taken to ensure that you are not overly rough when using this position. Your partner cannot prevent you from thrusting as deeply as you want, and therefore opportunities for going excessively deep and triggering a gag reflex abound. Be gentle, especially if you have not tried this before! As with the first position, you have control over how and where you choose to finish, with many lovely options provided by the scenic vista spread before you.

    • One thing to note is that this post assumes that the Dominant partner is the one receiving the blow job. If your relationship dynamic is such that the Dominant partner will be giving the blow job instead—a perfectly valid configuration–a whole different menu of options opens. But those options will need to be covered in another post…

      Enjoy yourself,

      Jake