Posts Tagged bondage hints

Bondage Equipment – A Look at Cuffs

There are myriad different bondage products available today. Actually, we live in a golden age of bondage–you can order just about anything you’d want to satisfy your particular need or desire online. However, having all those choices can be confusing. I thought writing a series of posts on the different categories of equipment might be helpful. And, since they’re my own, personal favorite, let’s start with cuffs…

First, let’s acknowledge that it’s perfectly possible to create do-it-yourself impromptu cuffs from lots of materials. An old necktie can do the job quite nicely, or a silk scarf (that’s where the “silken bonds” part of this blog’s title comes in). All types of rope, cord or even plastic ties can work as well. However, these don’t really qualify as cuffs in my book–they fall either into the rope bondage side of things, or into an impromptu bondage area, and those are both different topics. So, with that out of the way, I divide cuffs into two primary categories:

  • Soft Cuffs
  • Metal Cuffs

Soft Cuffs

Soft cuffs can be made from a variety of materials, with leather being the most common. The big virtue they bring to the table is comfort–soft cuffs can usually be worn for extended periods of time and in more extenuating positions without chafing, and they generally provide for more flexibility than metal ones. Soft cuffs are best for beginners precisely for this reason. The less comfortable metal cuffs are more likely to result in a negative experience for those just getting started.

The purpose for cuffs, however, is to restrain, and to be worth while, a soft cuff must be able to perform this task effectively. The good news is that most available on the market today, even the ones covered with fluffy fur, can do so. I’ve occasionally had issues with the kind that close via velcro, especially after they’ve seen some use, but barring this, as long as you get real cuffs and not toys or novelty items, you should be okay. A few cuffs come with a length of chain (avoid anything that has plastic chain, please!) holding them together, but most simply have attached d-rings which you can clip together with a snap hook.

I believe that appearance counts for a lot when it comes to cuffs. While it’s important to me that Joy be comfortable wearing them, it’s also important to me that they look serious–it helps fuel the fantasy that she can’t escape. Therefore, I tend to stay away from fluffy or brightly-colored pairs, and instead gravitate toward plain leather. The leather ones, by the way, are plenty strong to hold a grown woman (or man) in the throes of passion.

Most cuffs have metal buckles that allow them to adjust to various sized wrists. These work well, but can sometimes be a little arduous to get all fastened on in the heat of the moment. Some types use velcro as a fastener as mentioned above. This makes them quick to put on and highly adjustable size-wise, but the tradeoff is that they’re not as secure. If you want to create an even more serious feeling to your adventure, some types of cuffs come with locking buckles, which can be secured with a small padlock.

Metal Cuffs

Every police show you’ve seen on TV has the cops with a pair of metal handcuffs securing the perp’s hands behind their back. This is the basic form of metal cuffs–two adjustable, metal bracelets linked with a chain. Unlike the leather cuffs, a metal pair usually comes pre-chained together–no snap hook required.

The virtue of metal lies in it’s real and perceived strength and severity. Police use metal cuffs for a reason–they can’t be cut or broken. More than that, the metal looks hard, and that brings a severity to the proceedings that can be very stimulating.

The down side, of course, comes from that very hardness. Metal cuffs are generally not comfortable to wear, especially if there will be a lot of movement, rolling around, or stretched positions. The metal will chafe the wearer’s wrists, and it’s definitely not comfortable to find yourself lying on top of a metal cuff, especially if it’s also around your wrist. Of course, there are some folks who actually thrive on the discomfort, so perhaps that’s not a drawback for everyone. Another downside to locking metal cuffs will be discovered if you somehow lose the key while they are locked in place.

Varieties range from the familiar police handcuff on up to full-fledged manacles, which may even be fixed in place on a wall, St Andrew’s Cross or stockade. Be aware that there are many toy versions of handcuff available, usually sold to kids to play with or as costume props, etc. These are not recommended–buy the real item if you’re going to go this direction.

Miscellaneous Others

In addition to these two, primary categories, there are some miscellaneous other varities. Suspension cuffs, for instance, are specially made to enable someone to hang from them with their full body weight being borne by the cuffs (picture someone dangling by their wrists from a rope above their head). If this is something that interests you, be aware that it is not at all comfortable for the dangling person, and definitely needs to be practiced with care. Read up on it before you begin to understand risks!

Some security companies market plastic wrist or ankle restraints, similar to the plastic cable ties used to hold wires together. These rank poorly on the comfort scale, and while effective, in my mind, the low-key way they look doesn’t add much to the feeling of the adventure. There are also thumb cuffs, which hold the hands together by connecting the two thumbs.

There are probably others I’m not familiar with, but this is a pretty good general round up. As a first purchase, I’d recommend going with some sort of soft cuff. From there, you can branch out in whatever direction you and your partner desire.

By the way, if you’re interested in my recommendations for creating a starter bondage kit, suitable for use by any couple interested in adding bondage to their sexual repertoire, I’ve listed them on my Basic Bondage Kit page.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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Hints for Dominants

 
I’m no expert, but I have learned some things over time…mostly the hard way, I’m afraid.  Today I thought I’d share a few tips for those readers who prefer the dominant role.

1)  Domination calls for creativity. Think about it—as the person playing the dominant role, you will, by definition, be leading the adventure that you and your partner will experience.  You will decide what activities you’ll perform together, where you’ll perform them, and what positions you’ll be in.  Sometimes you’ll make these decisions in advance and sometimes they will be spur of the moment, but it will be you that makes them.

Oh, the submissive player will have some input—if they’re good at their role, they’ll help you steer your course with their reactions, and they may even make suggestions about activities through all kinds of means, ranging from the clothing they choose to their facial expressions to their responses to your comments or questions.

Despite this, the dominant must control the adventure, or they relinquish their role.  Therefore, if you choose to be the dominant, you also choose to take on responsibility for thinking up ideas about the games that you and your partner will play.  If you want to truly satisfy your partner, it can’t be the same game every night!  Face it—even if it’s your favorite game, you’ll get bored with it sooner or later, and your partner will, too.  And remember your objective—to take your partner just beyond their zone of comfort when you play together.  That will maximize their excitement (and your own, by the way) because of the rush of adrenaline that comes with feeling “at risk”.

So, be creative!  Watch movies, read books, look up topics on the internet—all of these are possible sources of ideas for bondage games.  Also, listen to your partner!  Have they given you any hints for things that might catch their interest?  Above all, use your own imagination.

2)  Be prepared!  Imagine this…a pair of cuffs secure your partner’s hands behind their back.  You bend them forward over the top of an armchair to expose their bare, upturned bottom.  Holding the o-ring of their leather collar in your hand, you pull their head down to fasten it to the connection point you’ve installed at the front of the chair…and you discover you don’t have a snap hook to make the connection.  Now you have to let your partner stand back up and go search through a drawer to try to find a snap hook while they wait, patiently.

Kind of kills the flow of things, doesn’t it?  Hopefully you can recapture the mood, but it’s far better not to have lost it in the first place!  Therefore, make sure you have whatever equipment, clothing or materials you need ready and waiting for your use.  Ideally, you want your entire adventure to flow seamlessly, with you in control for the duration.  If you have to stop to search for some missing item, or if you haven’t thought through a position, or if there’s anything that makes you look unprepared, you give up a portion of your control.  So, plan ahead as much as possible, and for spur of the moment ideas, have extra equipment handy so that you don’t need to hunt for it.

3)  When it comes to your attitude during an adventure, think “firm”.  Dominants should be assertive, rather than aggressive.  Remember that you are guiding your partner, leading them to places they might be a little apprehensive of, but that they half-suspect they really want to visit.  There is no place for brutality, or violence, or coercion.  Your firm expectations can provide your partner with an excuse to try things beyond what they’d normally permit themselves to experience, but they must decide they want to experience them.

The only exception to the above is when you and your partner both knowingly decide to play a scene in which severe behavior plays a part.  This could be simply play-acting—a jailer and inmate scenario with coercion, for instance.  Or, if you’re both fans of the S&M experience, you might go farther than playacting.  However, both partners must know what is intended and agree that they want to participate before this realm is entered.

4)  Most importantly, be sensitive to your partner!  They are placing themselves into your hands—pay attention to them and treat them as they want to be treated.  Listen to what they say, but hopefully you’ll note clues to how they feel and what they are thinking even before they speak.  Ideally your adventure will ebb and flow according to your partner’s excitement level rather than your own, with you helping them to a peak, then letting them rest a bit and gather themselves for the climb to their next peak.

“Wait a minute,” you may be saying. “It sounds like I am serving them rather than the other way around. I thought I was the one in charge!”

You are…but if you’re doing this right, it’s also true that you are serving them.  Think of yourself as the attendant at an amusement park ride.  You control how fast and how high the ride goes, and how many times around someone gets to ride it.  However, your partner in the submissive role…they’re the one who actually gets to ride the ride. It’s your job to make sure they have fun.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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