Posts Tagged beginners bondage

First Review

Just got the very first review of my e-book on BDSM, Exploring Dark Dreams, on Amazon. I don’t know who this reviewer is, but thanks very much for the kind words, and glad you enjoyed reading it. Hope it proves useful!”

“Incredibly (deliciously) detailed. Everything you ever wanted to know in delightful and easy to follow descriptions. Loved how the author used straightforward language and honesty to set the scenes and keep the reader interested. I read this in chunks so I had plenty of time to absorb everything. Great book for beginner’s and the curious. Oh, and the voyeurs 🙂 Highly recommend!!”

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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The Edging Game

Thought I’d take a quick second to share a game that Joy and I played the other night. It’s called “the Edging game”, and I have to say we had a lot of fun together playing it.

Note that this is a completely vanilla game. Any couple can play, whether you are into spanking and bondage or not! My belief, stated in many previous posts, is that you can’t be all whips and chains and serious Domination all the time–sometimes you simply have to lighten things up and just enjoy each other. This game is a good activity for the “lighten up” nights. The rules are simple, and kind of remind me of the TV Gameshow, “The Price is Right”.

Each member of the couple tries to bring the other to the edge of orgasm as often as possible, without making them tip over the edge into coming. If you make your partner come, you immediately lose. Toys of any type are permitted. The game lasts for an hour, and whoever has the highest “edge total” at the end, wins.

Of course, judging is a bit subjective–after all, how do you know for sure your partner is truly at the edge, and will they agree with your judgement? However, bear in mind that you are playing to have fun together, so while a bit of competition adds some spice and humor to the activity, whoever comes out on top, you both end up winners.

Here’s how things played out for Joy and I. We started out each determined to be the winner. (Have I mentioned that Joy is a bit competitive?) A brief period of wrestling ensued, ended by deployment of the ultimate weapon…tickling. (I didn’t play fair…have I mentioned that I am a bit competitive?) That put me securely on top of Joy, where I used fingers and a vibrator to lift her higher and higher, while she first struggled, then succumbed to enjoyment. However, I was able to stop in time, and from that point forward, an interesting and somewhat wonderful dynamic took over. I suspect the same might hold true for almost any couple that plays this game.

Because I needed to let Joy cool down a little or risk pushing her over the edge, that gave her the opportunity to take the initiative. And when she did…well, like I said, I had to wait for a little while, which let me have the time to begin to enjoy what she was doing to me, which made me much less interested in stopping her and taking over again…right up until she left me hanging, right there, just before I exploded.

But then, of course, she needed to let me cool down, and after gathering myself for a moment, I took control back again and started her up Pleasure Mountain once more. And we repeated this cycle several more times during the course of the hour.

The cool down requirement enforces a sort of turn-taking behavior in players, and that made this game both fun and funny. We laughed a lot, in between gasps and shudders, and by the time we were through, both of us were thoroughly worked up and absolutely ready to finish things for real. All-in-all, I would say this was a very fun experience, and I encourage you, friend reader, to give it a go with your partner as well.

Just because I am who I am, I will also note that it is quite easy to turn this game into something a bit darker. Rather than the couple competing with each other, the Dominant partner can simply play against himself. How many times can he successfully bring his bound-and-helpless submissive half right up to the edge and stopping her just short of climax in a 60-minute time period? Four times, perhaps? Six times? Eleven? He can try to set a new personal best each time they play, and of course, it’s his choice at the end of the adventure if he allows his partner to finally achieve her orgasm, or simply puts her to bed, sweaty and gasping, most likely with her hands restrained so that she cannot relieve her own frustration…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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A Proper Blow Job

Blow jobs are kind of like pizza. Even when they’re bad, they’re still pretty good. Joy has considerable talent in the field of blow jobs, and regardless of the style or position she delivers one in, it is an experience, let me tell you!

Nonetheless, we have guidelines for a “proper” blow job in our house. A proper blow job is not always what I am looking for and not always what I require of her, but when I tell Joy that I want a “proper blow job”, she knows exactly what I mean. I thought it might be fun to share our guidelines with you.

The requirements for a proper blow job are as follows:

  • Joy must be on her knees in front of me
  • She may wear panties if desired. Other than that, she must be completely naked.
  • She may use only her mouth to service me. No other parts of her body are permitted to be used.
  • Hands must be kept behind her back the entire time. They may be cuffed or tied behind her if I choose, but I may also simply require her to hold them behind her back.
  • She must swallow. I sometimes choose to end in a facial instead, but if I decide to come in her mouth, she must swallow.

We have worked on this many, many times, and Joy has become quite expert. Despite the repetition, however, there is still something just a little magic about this act. When I come home from work and catch Joy in the kitchen, and tell her, “Joy, I’d like a proper blow job,” there is more than a whiff of humiliation in making her drop whatever she is doing, quickly strip down to her panties, and use her mouth to suck me off, especially if I tell her she needs to “Hurry up!’ as she is getting undressed.

It’s quite wonderful to have a pretty woman, naked, with her face a bit pink, getting down on her knees in front of you. Sometimes I find that a bit of spanking is required after the pants are off but before the blow job begins in earnest—Joy wiggles most beautifully in my lap, and the sight of her perky nipples afterwards as she drops to her knees and settles me into her warm mouth adds greatly to the experience. When I am done, I hold Joy close and tell her how good she has made me feel, and how glad I am to have her as my wife.

As I said before, this is far from the only type of blow job we engage in around our house, but it is a frequent and somewhat meaningful practice. I guess, in a way, it’s a sort of a ritual we follow, one that has been built up over time. It’s just one of the things that makes our relationship special…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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A Plug for a Close Friend

We possess quite an impressive BDSM equipment/toy arsenal here at Jake and Joy’s. We own all sorts of vibrators, a collection of dildos and harnesses, as well as plentiful paddles, floggers, straps and other tools for corporal punishment. Joy keeps a variety of interesting outfits in her drawers and closets, ranging from lace to leather to latex. I have an entire dresser devoted to housing hoods, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, chains, adjustable tie-downs and connectors, and in the back closet we keep the larger or less-commonly used items, such as the Liberator Wedge, the inflatable, bouncing ball with attached dildo, and our blow-up friend and sometime threesome companion, Sophia.

You know what I realized the other day, though? Out of all these various types of equipment, the single item that we have the largest quantity and variety of is the butt plug.

Let’s differentiate between a plug and an anal Dildo for a moment. When shopping online, the distinction I’m about to draw isn’t so clear—many items are sold as plugs when I would consider them dildos. But for me, a plug is designed to be inserted into and remain in the wearer’s bottom, whereas a dildo is designed to be inserted and either held in place or thrust in and out. If left unattended, the dildo will naturally fall out, while the plug left on its own should stay nestled firmly in place.

We have many different models of plug. Some are large and intimidating (though employed at the right moment, literally breathtaking in their effect). Others are designed for long-term wear, or made to fit inside at a specific angle. Some are shaped to duplicate a penis, whereas others are less literal. A few vibrate, one simulates a thrusting motion, and we even have a lovely glass model with a handle that is used to rotate the plug once it is inserted.

Each of these models has its own purpose, its own time and place for usage. Today, however, I thought I’d talk about the most frequent way we use a butt plug, and the benefits it provides.

One common instruction I give Joy in the evenings is to insert a plug. Sometimes I’ll text her this instruction as I leave work, so that she can have the plug in place before I get home. Sometimes I’ll wait until after dinner and tell her to go choose a favorite and bring it to me. When she does, I’ll require her to pull her panties down to her ankles, bend over my knee and raise her skirt, baring her bottom for me so that I can insert it myself. Occasionally we’ve even made it a requirement for a week or so for Joy to wear a plug every single night, and she has been expected to put it in herself as soon as she gets back to the house after work.

Once the plug has been inserted, she is to wear it for the rest of the evening, until I remove it when we go to bed. This is a requirement regardless of what we are doing—we may be going out to dinner, or to a movie, or simply staying home and relaxing in front of the TV. It doesn’t matter which of these activities our evening holds—the plug stays in.

So at this point, you may be asking yourself, “Why? What’s the purpose?” Well, as is often the case in BDSM, there are several different purposes to this single act. A Dominant may require their partner to wear a plug because…

  • It reinforces the Dominant/submissive aspect of their relationship. The Dominant is requiring their partner to insert an object into their anus, an act they likely wouldn’t decide to do on their own. The submissive is expected to comply with this requirement. If a certain amount of obeisance is necessary to comply, such as the sub removing their own panties and bending over to expose their bare bottom, the D/s dynamic is increased.
  • The physical act of wearing a plug can be exciting. Joy craves the feeling of having her bottom filled, and a medium-to-large plug fills her rather nicely. When well lubricated, the plug has a tendency to move slightly in Joy’s body as she moves, especially when she sits down or stands up.
  • The plug tends to focus the wearer’s thoughts on their body, their relationship, and their partner. Even a small plug is intrusive, and it calls attention to itself. Joy has sometimes worn one of her more comfortable plugs for as long as five or six hours at a stretch, and she informs me that it never lets her forget that it is there. When the submissive partner is constantly aware that the plug is in place, they have no choice but to be aware why it is there, what may happen when it is removed, and who is going to remove it.
  • Consistently wearing a plug stretches the wearer’s anal ring, enabling them to take larger objects into their rear end. When we first started experimenting with plugs, I was skeptical that this would prove true—I thought it was more of an urban legend than fact. However, there is no longer any doubt in my mind. When Joy “practices” in this way, she can accommodate something larger, and it is quite thrilling to her to feel her tight little rosebud stretch as it is penetrated by an object that truly fills her. Note that the accompanying legend, that the anal ring remains loose allowing for leakage and incontinence, has not proven true. I had long ago read that this worry was fiction rather than fact, and our experiences have confirmed this. Joy has had no issues with being “loose”, despite our frequent use of her behind.

Together, these four reasons are compelling, at least in our house, and they explain why we make such frequent use of plugs. If you would like to follow suit, here are some tips that I’ve learned over time to help make the experience more generally satisfying for both you and your partner.

  • Be aware that there is a limit to how long a plug may be tolerable for the wearer. When a submissive initially takes in a reasonably-sized plug, it may be slightly painful, but their bottom will quickly become accustomed to it, and it should begin to feel both exciting and comfortable inside. After awhile, however, the feeling will change from comfortable to tolerable (though hopefully the exciting will remain). And awhile after that, even tolerable will begin to fray around the edges and transition to painful. Generally, the larger the plug, the quicker this transition will take place. Plentiful, good quality lubrication helps extend the time limit, and practice can help extend the duration over time as well.

    Because of this, it’s a good idea to start short in duration and small in size, and gradually increase size and duration as desired. In addition, I suggest that you allow the wearer to have an option to bail out if necessary. Joy and I have an agreement that if the plug begins to hurt, she can ask to remove it.

  • Don’t start out with a large plug. If the plug you are using is too large for your partner, it will be difficult to insert, and if you try to force it, it will hurt when it goes in. You can even tear your partner’s anal ring if you go too far. Therefore, start small. Work up to larger plugs gradually. And be guided by your partner’s reactions. If they say it hurts too much, believe them and stop!

    Even when the wearer is practiced at taking an anal plug, it’s a good idea to start an evening with a smaller model, and if desired, transition to a larger plug a little later. Starting small allows the submissive’s ass to relax and become used to being plugged, thereby making accommodation of the larger plug easier. In addition, the brief respite as you transition from small to large can allow your partner’s anus to recover a bit, enabling them to once again enjoy the sensation as you insert something that thoroughly and deeply penetrates them.

  • A well-shaped plug has a larger shaft, but tapers to a narrower diameter as it approaches the base, then flares out again. The narrow diameter area allows the wearer’s anal ring to close tightly around it, while the larger shaft prevents the plug from slipping out by accident and the wide base serves to keep the plug from vanishing entirely inside the wearer’s ass. The shape of the base matters as well—bear in mind that the wearer will likely need to be able to sit comfortably with the plug in place.

    Some plugs, even though narrow at the base as described above, have a tendency to work their way out of the wearer’s bottom. If this proves to be the case, one good remedy is to require the submissive partner to wear thong panties. The strap of the thong will fit over the base of the plug, keeping it settled firmly into place.Both diameter and length matter when it comes to a plug, but diameter tends to be the more important measurement as long as the length is kept reasonable. A small plug may have a diameter as big around as a finger—large ones can be substantially bigger. The easiest plugs to insert tend to have a narrower tip—bear that in mind when just beginning.

  • The lubrication really matters. Use good quality lubricant, and plenty of it. I suggest rubbing it all over the plug as well as using a finger to insert some inside the wearer’s ass hole before insertion. In my opinion, the single best anal lubricant is Crisco—it provides excellent lubrication and lasts a good long while. However, if the submissive is female, be careful that none get into hervagina—it can lead to infection.

    If you prefer to go with a product specifically made for anal use, there are many options to choose from. After some experimentation, Joy and I tend to stay away from the ones that provide extra stimulation (either “warming” or “cooling”) and instead focus on those that provide good, long-lasting slipperiness. Though water-based products can be excellent for traditional anal sex, they often don’t last very well—I’d suggest going a different direction for plugging.

It’s always a good idea to make the process of plug removal even more fun than insertion. Wearing a plug is great preparation for full-on anal sex—the wearer’s bottom is already relaxed and ready to be taken. However, any other sex acts can work as well, and they can be combined with other activities (spanking, perhaps, since we’re already centered on the submissive’s behind?) that you both find exciting. Whatever you choose, providing some thrills when it’s time for the plug to come out ensures that your partner will look forward to it the next time you instruct them to put the plug in…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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Bondage Positions for Spanking

A couple days ago, My Bottom Smarts posted a list of the Top 20 Spanking Positions (and hat tip to Spanky for pointing me to it). Bonnie, the author, provides a description of each position as well as some pointers about pros and cons. It is a good list and an entertaining read, and it inspired me to consider the various spanking positions that we’ve used here at our place.

Now, my first, faltering steps down the path of BDSM came in the arena of bondage, and that’s still an area of considerable interest for both Joy and I. When Joy’s rear end needs a paddling, we often incorporate bondage into the experience to help heighten the sense of submission. Nothing ramps up the energy in a good spanking more than having one’s hands bound out of the way, so that they may not be interposed between paddle and tender bottom!

With that idea in mind, I thought it might make sense to create a list that combines both bondage and spanking—a sort of two-for-one special. However, as you may have picked up from previous posts, when it comes to bondage I tend to focus on the practical rather than the fancy and esoteric, so I by no means claim that my effort covers every possibility. There are many other options than those I’m going to discuss, I’m sure! The positions I have detailed below, however, are simple, sensible and useful, and Joy and I have found ourselves employing all of them at one time or another. With that understanding, following please find a brief examination of basic, practical bondage positions for spanking:

  1. Over the Knee, Hands Cuffed Behind the Back – Known by the acronym OTK, the classic Over The Knee spanking position is highly useful and highly erotic as well, especially if the spanking recipient’s hands are cuffed behind their back. Binding their hands removes their ability to use them for support and balance, so it’s best to take them over your knee somewhere that they will have plenty of built-in support–perhaps laying flat over your lap along the edge of a bed, for instance. While it’s true that, being cuffed behind them, the spank-ee’s hands remain in the vicinity of their hindquarters and could theoretically interfere in the spanking, in reality the spanker can easily hold them out of the way if necessary. From a psychological perspective, it’s more important that the partner being spanked does not have their hands to help them stand up, which greatly encourages a delicious sense of being in the spanker’s control.

    A couple added benefits of this position include that it is comfortable for both the spanker and the spank-ee (well…aside from the fact of the spanking itself, of course), and that the only required equpiment is a single pair of cuffs and a snap hook (in a pinch, an old necktie could substitute) to bind the wrists. Because of the close quarters, a short-handled spanking implement such as a hairbrush or paddle or the use of one’s bare hand is recommended. This is actually the favorite bondage spanking position here at Jake and Joy’s house.

  2. Leapfrog Position, Wrists Cuffed to Ankles – The leapfrog position is accomplished by placing the spanking recipient on hands and knees at the edge of a bed or on the floor, then drawing each wrist back between their legs and cuffing it to the corresponding ankle, left to left and right to right. Doing so places the bound partner’s body in a natural triangle, with their rear end in the air, ripe and ready for a paddle. The angle is excellent, and any sort of spanking implement from bare hand to belt to switch will work nicely. The only required equipment is a set of wrist and ankle cuffs, as well as snap hooks to connect them.

    The leapfrog position encourages a great feeling of helplessness, and because their hands are bound to their ankles, the spank-ee really cannot do anything to prevent the vigorous reddening of their rear end. However, remaining in this position can cause discomfort in a relatively short time, particularly in the neck and shoulders, so be considerate of your partner and keep the spanking relatively brief.

    Of course, another nice benefit is the ability to transition virtually immediately from flagellation to penetration, if this is your desire.

  3. Simple Ball Tie – This position is somewhat non-intuitive, but effective nonetheless. Lay your partner on their back and press their knees against their chest. Pull their arms around their legs and cuff them behind their knees, so that their body forms a ball. This effectively immobilizes your partner, and in a position in which their bottom remains highly exposed and vulnerable for spanking.

    Though any type of implement presents a viable spanking option with the ball-tie position, care must be taken to avoid missing one’s target and hitting other tender portions of the spank-ee’s anatomy (unless, of course, you actually intend to target those tender portions).

    The spanking recipient’s legs form a convenient handle with which to position their body for greater accuracy. Though the position is simple once you picture it in your mind, it feels quite severe to the bound party, as they have little ability to move, beyond rolling onto their side. Therefore, their sense of loss of control can be substantial. The only equipment requirement is a single pair of cuffs, and once again, it’s possible to cease spanking and move directly to intercourse with no change in position required. On the comfort scale, the basic ball tie rates somewhat better than the leapfrog.

    Joy hates this position, but I believe that’s mostly because we have mainly used it when discipline was called for.

  4. Hands Bound Overhead, Standing – Most often associated with whips and flogging, standing positions can work well for spanking also. Binding your partner’s hands to a hook overhead adds substantially to the experience, as once again the hands cannot be lowered to interfere and the bound party feels unable to escape the spanking as they cannot move away. Any type of implement works well for this position, as you can position yourself how you like to make best use of it.

    It’s possible to vary the intimacy of this position substantially based on how you position yourself in relation to your partner. For an impersonal feeling, stand behind them and apply a crop or switch to their bottom. For a more intimate flavor, stand in front of them, embrace, caress and kiss them, and reach around and use your bare hand on their behind.

    Comfort-wise, eventually it gets old having their hands above their head, but other than that, it’s not bad for the bound partner. The downside of this position, of course, is that it requires a hook in the ceiling to attach the cuffs to, and many people don’t have such an arrangement. If you do, however, this makes an excellent and versatile spanking option.

“What?” I can hear you say. “Only four positions?” As I said, I’m certain there are many others (and I can think of a fair number myself). However, these are the four bondage spanking positions that Joy and I really use on a fairly regular basis, which require no particularly specialized equipment, and which I would recommend incorporating into your own spanking repertoire, if they are not already included. None requires serious bondage expertise, and all are quick to set up and place your partner in. If you want to branch out beyond this, by all means do so! But I’d regard these four as the basic bondage spanking position building blocks to start with.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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