Posts Tagged bedroom submissive

All About Joy

A couple days ago Spanky, of the always entertaining Bright Bottom spanking blog, asked me to elaborate on the “all about Joy” nights I had mentioned in a previous post. I’m certainly not above playing requests (just not “Piano Man”, please), and so I thought that today I’d oblige and provide some more definition.

“All about Joy” nights originated because certain blog authors, not being as young as they once were, no longer always have the ability to go again and again, night after night. Nature plays a cruel trick! As women pass the age of thirty, their sex drive seems to shift into overdrive. Meanwhile, when we men pass the age of thirty (okay thirty-five), our sexual transmissions start to become a bit sticky, and it can sometimes take a little time and effort to get out of second gear. Sometimes resting your shifter for a night can help ensure a better, faster and more exciting experience the next evening.

However, just because you rest your shifter doesn’t mean you can’t have fun at the racetrack! Taking a sweet ride like Joy out for a few laps can be truly exciting even when my own transmission’s not in racing form. And this idea is how “all about Joy” was born. It’s proven to be so much fun that these days, I’d estimate we have roughly one all about Joy night a week. I have to confess, however, that sometimes when I start out with a plan to make an evening all about Joy, I discover mid-way through that my shifter didn’t need rest as much as I thought, and we transition into all about Jake.

As a side note to male readers, if you think that the concept of giving your partner pleasure while not getting the big “O” yourself is crazy, I urge you to give it a try one night. You’ll be surprised how much fun it is, how Dominant it makes you feel to play with your partner without taking pleasure yourself, and how powerfully it charges you up for the next night. Plus, your partner will be most appreciative, and that can lead to all sorts of pleasant benefits.

You may be thinking “all about Joy” means candle light, soft music, a warm bath with scented soaps, and a nice back massage. Things like this certainly could be a component of an all about Joy night, but pampering isn’t the point. Instead, on an all about Joy night, I focus on my wife (rather than myself) and provide her with intense and (mostly) pleasurable sensations and experiences. An element of pampering could be and sometimes has been involved, but as those who have explored the paths of BDSM know, intense and pleasurable can often be delivered by proceeding in other, darker directions. Recent examples include…

  • Joy is blindfolded and bound head-down and bottom-up over our spanking table, her mouth filled with the penis gag. An anal plug vibrates away in her ass as I give her a thorough paddling, alternating spanking implements to keep the experience fresh…
  • Joy’s arms stretch above her, her wrists cuffed and drawn up with a chain to the eye hook overhead. She wiggles and writhes as I use the rabbit vibrator on her pussy, inserting the shaft inside her and letting the rabbit play against her clitoris, but the chain and cuffs require her to remain on tip toe, so there’s little she can do to escape the vibrations. Her breasts, tipped with a clamp on each nipple, sway back and forth as she struggles and climaxes again and again…
  • Joy lies face down on her knees on the bed, her wrists cuffed to the insides of her ankles in classic leapfrog position. A piece of freshly peeled ginger occupies her anus, causing her to squirm as it creates its pleasant burn. I mount her from behind, penetrating deep into her vagina with our strap on, riding her as she bucks and heaves…

That’s probably enough for you to get the idea. One of the great things about this is that from my side, there’s no ticking clock during the adventure, no urgency to get to the finish. If this were a typical night, when I planned on taking my pleasure in Joy’s body, I’d feel a great desire to get to that part, the part where I’m going to explode! But on an all about Joy night, I know the explosion is not in the cards, and therefore it becomes much easier to take my time, savor the experience, and ensure Joy gets the full benefit of every activity and sensation. Frankly, on some of these nights I could probably go all night, and while Joy eventually gets worn out and pleads for me to stop, our scenes can easily last for multiple hours.

Since y’all have read this far, I’m going to divulge a little secret. Even though these nights are all about Joy, you shouldn’t imagine that I get nothing out of them. The reality is that, in many ways, all about Joy nights are the times when I can most fully experience my Dominance over her. The ability to give your partner an orgasm is a form of power, even if you are the submissive partner, even if your Dominant half is “making” you give them pleasure. On an all about Joy night, I deny even that power to Joy—I do what I wish to her, and she can do nothing to or for me. It is Dominance in a higher form, I think.

So, the reality is that “all about Joy” could be replaced with “all about Joy, except that Jake gets to feel really Dominant”. But that doesn’t have nearly as good a ring, does it?

Enjoy yourself,


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Decaying Orbit

Joy is a bedroom submissive. That means that behind the bedroom door she submits, but outside of the bedroom she leads her own life, without any requirement to defer to me. And that works for us. It lets Joy retain her sense of independence in “real life”, while still satisfying her need to be overpowered. And it lets me dominate her in bed, which is where I truly desire to.

However, I’ve wondered now for several years about the stability of the bedroom submissive relationship. Not just ours, but any bedroom submissive relationship. Long term, I wonder whether it can last without changing.

Satellites orbit the earth despite the fact that they are being pulled down by gravity because their velocity matches the rate of their descent. In other words, they go forward at the same speed that they fall towards earth, resulting in a circular path around the planet. (Yes, I know this is a highly simplistic description of an orbit, but work with me, okay?) Usually, however, their orbits decay over time, and they gradually sink closer and closer to the earth, until they get pulled down into the atmosphere. We’ve seen a couple of examples of this over the past few months.

I believe that bedroom submissives suffer this same risk. They orbit their Dominant partner at a distance, always drawn closer by their desire to submit, but at the same time, sufficiently propelled by their own sense of independence to remain apart. This is where Joy is, and while there’s a bit of inherent conflict between opposing forces in the whole situation, as I said, it works for both of us.

However, submission in the bedroom tends to bleed over into other aspects of life. For instance, I enjoy giving Joy assignments to carry out during her day…things like going for a month without wearing panties, or wearing her corset all day under her clothes, or wearing an anal dildo out on one of our dates, or shopping for supplies for a coming adventure. While related to bedroom activities, these things definitely do not take place in the bedroom…but we do them anyway. In addition, the habit of submitting can become quite powerful, and after a particularly successful scene, I can usually tell that Joy (no shrinking violet) is more deferential for a day or two, even outside the bedroom door. And the appeal of submission often grows stronger with practice…

I suspect that the orbits of many bedroom submissives decay. It’s possible that any growth in their desire to submit will scare them, thereby strengthening their need for independence and propelling them away from the Dominant that they orbit. It’s also possible that their desire to submit and the experience they gain behind the bedroom door will gradually pull them in so that they circle their Dominant partner closer and closer, eventually moving into a fuller form of submission. In subtle ways, I see signs of this in Joy.

I wonder if this is what I want. I wonder what it is that she wants. Not all orbits need decay–an external force judiciously applied can keep a satellite circling and circling, holding its place. And so I expect that it would be possible for Joy to remain in her current bedroom submission indefinitely, provided that I give her a gentle nudge once in awhile to help her to do so. For the moment that seems to be the best plan–it’s what we know, and so far we’re happy. But I’m always full of curiosity, and I wonder…what would it be like in a different sort of relationship, one where the bedroom wasn’t the boundary? Would we be happy? Would we be happier? Would it be a good thing?

Enjoy Yourself,


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