Posts Tagged anticipation

Uneasy Anticipation

Guest Post by Joy

It has been more than six months since I have written a post for Jake–the last one was right about the end of the year. Jake likes to know what is on my mind but, frankly, I still have difficulty with sharing what I’m thinking. We are (or at least I am) still in the whispering-in-the-dark stage.

My New Year’s Resolutions, if you remember them, quickly fell by the wayside. The first one I let go was to keep up with Jake’s blog on a regular basis. Something about having strangers peek into things that I have a hard time looking directly at myself, in spite of my immediate involvement, scared me off. I tend to be extremely private even in mundane matters, and the things he writes about are definitely not mundane.

In fact, I have learned that the less we speak of things, the more adventurous I am able to become. Nothing puts me off like Jake wanting to talk about the things we do in the bedroom or the playroom out in the open, in the kitchen or while I’m out in the garden. I do NOT want to discuss paddles or dildos while trying to braise the Brussels sprouts for dinner. I can give on-scene evaluations quite easily, but I do not want to be involved in the planning.

An experiment that I read about during my undergraduate studies has come to mind repeatedly over the past few weeks or months, and I needed to share it with Jake as a way to help explain at least one thing that affects my willingness to try new things. It has to do with anticipation. The experiment was done years ago on monkeys, and I think it would be considered too cruel to do today. I am sure that there are those out there who will be familiar with the experiment and be able to point out my inaccuracies. I am only relying on memory and trying to explain what meaning I took from the experiment.

From what I remember, one monkey was placed in a cage with a bottom that would shock its feet unless it pressed a button. If it pushed the button, it would delay the shock for a minute. It had to keep pushing the button over and over again to delay the shock. The other monkey was placed in a cage with a bottom that would shock its feet at random intervals for absolutely no reason at all. One monkey could control the shocks, and one was at the mercy of the cage bottom. It was my expectation as a young student that the monkey with no control would feel far more stress than the other, because it could never know when the next shock was coming and could do nothing to prevent it. But it turned out the exact opposite was true. The stress the first monkey felt because of having to push the button to prevent the shock was so strong that it died. The second monkey, the one that had no control, survived.

I agree with Jake that anticipation is often exciting, but for me it’s exciting only when the thing I am anticipating is already well known, tried and true. When it comes to anticipating new things, there is always a possibility that I might be excited but in reality I am much more often scared. In spite of what some might think of submissives (or maybe that’s just me), I am worthless when I am afraid. Scenarios involving candle wax drippings and a Wartenberg wheel spring immediately to mind. Had either of them been sprung on me completely by surprise, without letting me anticipate them, those scenes might not have ended in shambles.

As Jake has said, I am far more receptive and experimental when I am excited. Something that was too large to insert becomes just the right size, or the nipple clamps that used to hurt become accepted or even needed. So to Jake: bring it on. Just, please, make sure I’m warmed up first and don’t tell me what it is in advance!

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Anticipation Can Be Half the Fun

It’s certainly fun to be spontaneous, and it can be very fun to take your partner unawares with a pair of cuffs concealed behind your back and a ball gag in you back pocket. “Surprise, honey!” But you know what? It can be lots of fun taking the opposite approach, too. One way to set the proper atmosphere for an adventure is by giving your partner plenty of advance notice. Anticipation can be your friend.

Suppose that sometime during the day, you tell your partner that you will be having them that night. That way, as they proceed through the routine of their day, they can think about what lies ahead later in the evening. Maybe you even instruct them on how they should prepare–what they should wear, for instance, or some props to obtain and have handy…a couple wax candles and some 80 grit sandpaper, perhaps. No need to go into extreme detail about what you’re thinking–let your partner imagine what they might be doing in a few short hours, and their heat level will start to build.

You needn’t tell them in person–sometimes it’s more effective to provide your instructions long distance, so they can’t respond or see your expression and body language. You could email or text them a list of instructions so that they are ready when you both arrive home. Or you could leave them a card where they’ll get it when they walk through the door. In either case, they’ll be thinking about your plans for the remainder of the day, and they’ll be so very ready when it comes time to put them into action.

And by the way, it does not necessarily need to be the dominant partner who does the notification. What if the person playing the submissive role texted something like, “I’m sorry–I’ve been very bad today. I think I’ll need a good spanking tonight!”? Do you think that might start the dominant partner’s mind racing down the path to where the submissive partner wants to go? And while I know that some might start thinking this verges on the notorious “topping from the bottom”, I’d reply that the submissive partner is merely making a suggestion in this case, or perhaps even making a respectful request.

It’s also possible to communicate the desired message entirely non-verbally. The submissive partner could simply dress the part for dinner, sitting down to eat in lingerie, for instance, with cuffs and a collar. I know that when Joy did that the other night I certainly got the message she wanted to send! Or the Dominant partner could leave a blindfold in a place where their other half is certain to see it (on their pillow, possibly?). Or the Dom could simply pull their partner to them, hold their hands behind their back or over their head, kiss them, and then release them and go back to what they were doing, leaving them to wonder what might be coming later. Any or all of these say everything that needs to be said to start anticipation working in your favor.

Everyone wants to go fast these days, and get their pleasure NOW! But I think Carly Simon was right…sometimes, letting time work in your favor and allowing a long, slow burn to build into a raging fire can make the experience even more intense.

Enjoy yourself!

Jake

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