Posts Tagged anal plug

A Plug for a Close Friend

We possess quite an impressive BDSM equipment/toy arsenal here at Jake and Joy’s. We own all sorts of vibrators, a collection of dildos and harnesses, as well as plentiful paddles, floggers, straps and other tools for corporal punishment. Joy keeps a variety of interesting outfits in her drawers and closets, ranging from lace to leather to latex. I have an entire dresser devoted to housing hoods, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, chains, adjustable tie-downs and connectors, and in the back closet we keep the larger or less-commonly used items, such as the Liberator Wedge, the inflatable, bouncing ball with attached dildo, and our blow-up friend and sometime threesome companion, Sophia.

You know what I realized the other day, though? Out of all these various types of equipment, the single item that we have the largest quantity and variety of is the butt plug.

Let’s differentiate between a plug and an anal Dildo for a moment. When shopping online, the distinction I’m about to draw isn’t so clear—many items are sold as plugs when I would consider them dildos. But for me, a plug is designed to be inserted into and remain in the wearer’s bottom, whereas a dildo is designed to be inserted and either held in place or thrust in and out. If left unattended, the dildo will naturally fall out, while the plug left on its own should stay nestled firmly in place.

We have many different models of plug. Some are large and intimidating (though employed at the right moment, literally breathtaking in their effect). Others are designed for long-term wear, or made to fit inside at a specific angle. Some are shaped to duplicate a penis, whereas others are less literal. A few vibrate, one simulates a thrusting motion, and we even have a lovely glass model with a handle that is used to rotate the plug once it is inserted.

Each of these models has its own purpose, its own time and place for usage. Today, however, I thought I’d talk about the most frequent way we use a butt plug, and the benefits it provides.

One common instruction I give Joy in the evenings is to insert a plug. Sometimes I’ll text her this instruction as I leave work, so that she can have the plug in place before I get home. Sometimes I’ll wait until after dinner and tell her to go choose a favorite and bring it to me. When she does, I’ll require her to pull her panties down to her ankles, bend over my knee and raise her skirt, baring her bottom for me so that I can insert it myself. Occasionally we’ve even made it a requirement for a week or so for Joy to wear a plug every single night, and she has been expected to put it in herself as soon as she gets back to the house after work.

Once the plug has been inserted, she is to wear it for the rest of the evening, until I remove it when we go to bed. This is a requirement regardless of what we are doing—we may be going out to dinner, or to a movie, or simply staying home and relaxing in front of the TV. It doesn’t matter which of these activities our evening holds—the plug stays in.

So at this point, you may be asking yourself, “Why? What’s the purpose?” Well, as is often the case in BDSM, there are several different purposes to this single act. A Dominant may require their partner to wear a plug because…

  • It reinforces the Dominant/submissive aspect of their relationship. The Dominant is requiring their partner to insert an object into their anus, an act they likely wouldn’t decide to do on their own. The submissive is expected to comply with this requirement. If a certain amount of obeisance is necessary to comply, such as the sub removing their own panties and bending over to expose their bare bottom, the D/s dynamic is increased.
  • The physical act of wearing a plug can be exciting. Joy craves the feeling of having her bottom filled, and a medium-to-large plug fills her rather nicely. When well lubricated, the plug has a tendency to move slightly in Joy’s body as she moves, especially when she sits down or stands up.
  • The plug tends to focus the wearer’s thoughts on their body, their relationship, and their partner. Even a small plug is intrusive, and it calls attention to itself. Joy has sometimes worn one of her more comfortable plugs for as long as five or six hours at a stretch, and she informs me that it never lets her forget that it is there. When the submissive partner is constantly aware that the plug is in place, they have no choice but to be aware why it is there, what may happen when it is removed, and who is going to remove it.
  • Consistently wearing a plug stretches the wearer’s anal ring, enabling them to take larger objects into their rear end. When we first started experimenting with plugs, I was skeptical that this would prove true—I thought it was more of an urban legend than fact. However, there is no longer any doubt in my mind. When Joy “practices” in this way, she can accommodate something larger, and it is quite thrilling to her to feel her tight little rosebud stretch as it is penetrated by an object that truly fills her. Note that the accompanying legend, that the anal ring remains loose allowing for leakage and incontinence, has not proven true. I had long ago read that this worry was fiction rather than fact, and our experiences have confirmed this. Joy has had no issues with being “loose”, despite our frequent use of her behind.

Together, these four reasons are compelling, at least in our house, and they explain why we make such frequent use of plugs. If you would like to follow suit, here are some tips that I’ve learned over time to help make the experience more generally satisfying for both you and your partner.

  • Be aware that there is a limit to how long a plug may be tolerable for the wearer. When a submissive initially takes in a reasonably-sized plug, it may be slightly painful, but their bottom will quickly become accustomed to it, and it should begin to feel both exciting and comfortable inside. After awhile, however, the feeling will change from comfortable to tolerable (though hopefully the exciting will remain). And awhile after that, even tolerable will begin to fray around the edges and transition to painful. Generally, the larger the plug, the quicker this transition will take place. Plentiful, good quality lubrication helps extend the time limit, and practice can help extend the duration over time as well.

    Because of this, it’s a good idea to start short in duration and small in size, and gradually increase size and duration as desired. In addition, I suggest that you allow the wearer to have an option to bail out if necessary. Joy and I have an agreement that if the plug begins to hurt, she can ask to remove it.

  • Don’t start out with a large plug. If the plug you are using is too large for your partner, it will be difficult to insert, and if you try to force it, it will hurt when it goes in. You can even tear your partner’s anal ring if you go too far. Therefore, start small. Work up to larger plugs gradually. And be guided by your partner’s reactions. If they say it hurts too much, believe them and stop!

    Even when the wearer is practiced at taking an anal plug, it’s a good idea to start an evening with a smaller model, and if desired, transition to a larger plug a little later. Starting small allows the submissive’s ass to relax and become used to being plugged, thereby making accommodation of the larger plug easier. In addition, the brief respite as you transition from small to large can allow your partner’s anus to recover a bit, enabling them to once again enjoy the sensation as you insert something that thoroughly and deeply penetrates them.

  • A well-shaped plug has a larger shaft, but tapers to a narrower diameter as it approaches the base, then flares out again. The narrow diameter area allows the wearer’s anal ring to close tightly around it, while the larger shaft prevents the plug from slipping out by accident and the wide base serves to keep the plug from vanishing entirely inside the wearer’s ass. The shape of the base matters as well—bear in mind that the wearer will likely need to be able to sit comfortably with the plug in place.

    Some plugs, even though narrow at the base as described above, have a tendency to work their way out of the wearer’s bottom. If this proves to be the case, one good remedy is to require the submissive partner to wear thong panties. The strap of the thong will fit over the base of the plug, keeping it settled firmly into place.Both diameter and length matter when it comes to a plug, but diameter tends to be the more important measurement as long as the length is kept reasonable. A small plug may have a diameter as big around as a finger—large ones can be substantially bigger. The easiest plugs to insert tend to have a narrower tip—bear that in mind when just beginning.

  • The lubrication really matters. Use good quality lubricant, and plenty of it. I suggest rubbing it all over the plug as well as using a finger to insert some inside the wearer’s ass hole before insertion. In my opinion, the single best anal lubricant is Crisco—it provides excellent lubrication and lasts a good long while. However, if the submissive is female, be careful that none get into hervagina—it can lead to infection.

    If you prefer to go with a product specifically made for anal use, there are many options to choose from. After some experimentation, Joy and I tend to stay away from the ones that provide extra stimulation (either “warming” or “cooling”) and instead focus on those that provide good, long-lasting slipperiness. Though water-based products can be excellent for traditional anal sex, they often don’t last very well—I’d suggest going a different direction for plugging.

It’s always a good idea to make the process of plug removal even more fun than insertion. Wearing a plug is great preparation for full-on anal sex—the wearer’s bottom is already relaxed and ready to be taken. However, any other sex acts can work as well, and they can be combined with other activities (spanking, perhaps, since we’re already centered on the submissive’s behind?) that you both find exciting. Whatever you choose, providing some thrills when it’s time for the plug to come out ensures that your partner will look forward to it the next time you instruct them to put the plug in…

Enjoy yourself,


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Sleeping Plugged

I do believe that there is nothing that Joy likes better in the entire world than a nice, hard penis in her bottom. Oh, she likes nice, hard penises in general, and can enjoy them most any way, but in her bottom is, hands down, her favorite. Add a vibrator around front, and we are set for waves of bliss, pounding in one after the other, like the surf after a storm at sea.

I must confess that I, too, like to have a nice, hard penis in Joy’s behind. It’s best when it’s mine, naturally, but we men…well, we can only last so long before the eruption occurs, if you know what I mean. Joy, though—she could literally go for hours without stopping, and I know this is true from experience.

This mis-match in duration is easily solved, of course, through the use of various dildos and vibrators, and we have a large stock of each that I keep in easy reach just in case the need arises. Unsurprisingly it arises quite frequently—it’s amazing how quickly we can go through a bottle of lube around here. And this keeps both Joy and I happy, even after my own personal charge has been spent.

Recently, however, I have been experimenting with Joy’s desire to be filled beyond simple anal intercourse. In the past, I have sometimes required her to wear an anal plug as she went about her daily routine…sometimes for four hours, and sometimes longer. Results on this were mixed. It created a sense of excitement to be sure, but it also created an accompanying feeling of frustration that got in her way during the course of the day. Joy likes her desires to be gratified immediately, and being kept in a state of excitement while having to wait is hard for her. I’m the patient one in this particular marriage.

Over the past couple months, though, I have been putting her to bed plugged. Oh, it’s not every night, and I can’t tell you exactly what governs which nights are a go and which nights are not. Basically, it’s when I feel like it…and that’s my prerogative.

Originally we started with a small, comfortable plug, but I’ve been moving gradually to larger models over time. Sometimes it will be a standalone butt plug, and other times I will wear one of our strap-ons, insert it, and then Joy and I will cuddle close in spoon position so that I can hold her until she goes to sleep. Joy likes to be held when she is falling asleep, and the contrast of tenderness with the brazen sexuality of being deeply and thoroughly penetrated and having no say in the matter is a nice one.

Initially Joy had reservations about this practice. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep,” she worried. This has proven not to be the case, however. If she’s been well-used already, she falls asleep right away—no surprise there. However, even on a night when we have done zero fooling around (yes, that does occasionally happen, even in our household), there’s something about being plugged and held close that seems to help her drift away. It’s especially effective when I cuff her hands to her collar to demonstrate that there will be no way she can remove the plug herself—that seems to remove temptation and let her relax.

Staying asleep can be another matter, though. Sometimes the plug wakes Joy up—it can start to become painful after awhile, especially if it’s a big one. And sometimes, when I am wearing the strap-on and filling Joy from behind, I wake Joy up myself by beginning to move inside her, slowly and deeply, until she is both roused and aroused. It’s lovely to feel her come awake in my arms, feel her reluctance be replaced excitement as her round bottom starts to press back against me to take me deeper inside. We may not get much sleep on nights like those, but sometimes sleep isn’t the most important thing…

Enjoy yourself,


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Friday Adventure Idea: Four Hours Every Day

Recipe for Four Hours Every Day

I thought I’d take a different tack for this week’s recipe suggestion. Rather than providing an idea for a single scene, instead I’m sharing an assignment that can span an entire week if desired. While not strictly an adventure in and of itself, assignments like this can provide a lasting source of fun and arousal that extends over several days, contributing greatly to the excitement of any “quality time” that takes place. This particular assignment is fairly basic, but can provide plenty of fun. I incorporated it into our just-ending obedience week, and it proved to be a rousing success.

The equipment requirements for this adventure list an anal plug “suitable for extended wear”. Many plugs are too large, have bulky bases or are simply too uncomfortable to keep in for a long period of time. An extended wear plug will ideally have a T-shaped base so that it can nestle in between the cheeks when inserted, not create visible bulges under clothing, and not cause discomfort when sat upon. Note, however, that it can’t be too comfortable! Ideally the wearer will be very much aware of its presence when it is inserted, but not feel wearing it is too onerous.

This particular adventure is essentially gender neutral. Though I write from a male-Dominant-with-female-submissive-partner perspective, the roles and genders may be exchanged with virtually no modification to the scenario if desired.

You Will Need:

Because this activity lasts for several days, listing specific clothing requirements is probably unrealistic. However, if you want to ramp up the severity of the assignment slightly, you could provide some guidelines for your partner to follow, such as specifying that she must wear skirts each day for the duration of the activity.

  1. Preheat your partner thoroughly before you begin. You want her to be in a receptive state of mind before you hand out her assignment. You can choose whatever method works for you to raise her temperature, as long as she is baking right along before you get started.
  2. Begin with a conversation (could be a monologue if you prefer). Remind your partner that she belongs to you and that you may use her body as you choose. Remind her that as part of her submission you expect her to obey you. Let her know that you have an assignment for her, and you expect her to do as she is told. If you prefer to call it a challenge, or homework, or a rule rather than an assignment, feel free. The point you want to make, however, is that you have something you expect her to do.
  3. Give her the anal plug and the lubricant (if you want to make this a bit more fun or dramatic, consider purchasing them new and gift wrapping them together, so that she can unwrap them in front of you) along with the instructions listed below:
    • Each day for the next X days she is to insert the plug (the lubricant is to help with this process) into her bottom and wear it inside her for at least four hours. You can choose whatever value for X you feel is right for your partner–Joy and I used seven days.
    • She may choose any four hour period during the day to wear the plug, with the exception that it can’t be during her sleeping hours.
    • When she inserts it, she must notify you that it is in place. She can do so in person, via phone, via text…whatever method is most convenient. But she must always tell you when she puts it in.
    • If she needs to remove the plug during the four hour period, she can do so, but she must notify you when she does. Even if she removes it, she is still expected to complete the total four hour requirement for the day, and therefore must re-insert it when she can and finish the remaining duration. She must notify you as well when she re-inserts it.
    • When she completes her four hours for the day she may remove the plug. She must then let you know that it is out and she is done.
  4. Explain that you understand that these requirements may be a little awkward to satisfy, but you nonetheless expect her to complete them. Let her know you expect her best, and you will be proud of her if she follows your instructions.
  5. If your partner is like Joy, merely hearing these requirements will make her heart pound and her nipples perk right up. Go ahead and enjoy her excitement by ravishing her thoroughly right then and there—take your time and be sure that both of you have great fun!
  6. Afterwards, hold her close and cuddle for awhile. But end the cuddle with a reminder that she has her homework and that you are looking forward to hearing from her when she first inserts the plug.
  7. Starting in the morning, hold her accountable each day for completing the requirements. Don’t let little transgressions slide. For instance, don’t let her slip and forget to tell you when she puts the plug in. Don’t let her get away with three hours instead of four (unless she’s having serious pain or something unforeseen comes up). If she tries to come up with excuses, be reasonable, but rather than giving in, help her to find a way to fulfill your expectations.


Though I phrased the instructions above in plain English, I don’t recommend you put them that way when you share them with your partner. As I recall, I told Joy that I knew how much she loved to have a cock in her ass, and since I couldn’t be there all the time, I was going to give her something to help her feel full when I was gone. I explained that she needed to tell me when she put it in because I wanted to know when her ass was full of cock. And I let her know that I wanted her to be comfortable, but to always be aware that the cock was there, deep in her behind. And I reminded her that I expected her to do as she was told. You probably get the idea.

This activity kept us both extremely worked-up for day after day after day. I very much enjoyed getting Joy’s notifications when the plug went in, and when I got home she was incredibly excited and ready to be taken right on the spot. She told me that she couldn’t stop thinking about socks, and every time she moved or sat down it reminded her of what she was doing and why.

Her bottom did get a little sore by mid-week, but that may have been because of additional use after the plug came out when I got home. If your partner is not quite as practiced at Joy in the realm of anal socks, you may want to consider starting out with a shorter duration, using a smaller-sized plug, or giving her a shorter assignment than four hours. It’s also wise to touch base each day to understand whether there are any issues and to consider whether your partner is able to continue on the next day. If you get a sense that the activity is becoming more grueling than exciting, there is no harm in ending it early—just be certain that you are the one to make this decision, and that you tell your partner that you have decided to end it.

Enjoy yourself,


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Secret Vibe

I received a tip from Sean, the owner of Sexy Bondage Restraints, who is also a reader of this blog. He pointed me to a new item he has stocked that appears to that appears to be one that I’ve been trying to find for over a year! After taking a look at it online, I think he’s right–this just might be it!

To set the stage, one thing that Joy and I like to do is go out on “date nights”. Date night is not just a trip to the movies or a visit to a nice restaurant for dinner. We eat at restaurants fairly frequently, but merely going out for a meal doesn’t constitute a date night. For us, a date night means that we go somewhere out in public, but our Dominant/submissive rules are in place while we are out. Oh, they’re not out in full view for everyone to see–we try to pass as just another couple under casual scrutiny at least. But underneath, where it’s not quite so obvious, things are a bit less vanilla.

What do I mean when I say that our D/s rules are in place? Well, most of the time D/s for us pretty much ends once we’re outside the walls of the bedroom. But on date nights, I pick what Joy will wear, and I expect her to comply. I’ll instruct Joy that she needs to put on a short skirt and no panties, for instance, or that open tip bra I like so much. I might require her to wear a choker (because they look so sexy…almost like a collar) or the bondage belt I wrote about the other day. I’ll order from the menu for her if we’re having a meal, and sometimes afterwards, perhaps even in the car in the parking lot, I might require her to provide me with a special favor, and I suspect you can guess what that might be if you try.

Sometimes, though, it’s fun to go a step further. We own a leather harness that is built to keep an anal dildo in place, and a couple times I have put this harness on Joy underneath her skirt, with the appropriate dildo inserted where it belongs, before we have left for the evening. The feeling of fullness it provides (along with the sense of security that the dildo will not slip out that the harness guarantees) has made for particularly fun evenings.

But the problem has been that the dildo we have is just that…a dildo. It doesn’t vibrate. Wouldn’t it be even more fun, I’ve often thought, to have a vibrating dildo in the harness instead, one that I could turn on and off while its inside Joy, even when we’re out in public?

And that’s how my mission to try to find a wireless, remote control, harness-compatible anal dildo started. I’ve looked high and low online, and I even made a trip out to a local brick-and-mortar sex shop to ask them if they had heard of anything that might fit the bill. I found vibrating anal plugs galore, but only a few of them were wireless remote control, and of those, none had the proper shape to fit into our harness. Until now, my search has been unsuccessful. However, as I said above, I think Sean has come through for me.

The product he has located is called the Genius Secret Vibe. Great name because it’s made to be secret when one is wearing it! Let’s take a quick look at how it stacks up to my requirements:

  1. Vibrating Anal Plug? Yes!
  2. Wireless Remote Control? Yes!
  3. Flat bottom that it is harness compatible? Tentative Yes

Note that last “tentative yes”. That’s the only possible issue that I can see–the bottom is a suction cup and is made of flexible rubber, and while it’s the right shape for our harness, I’m not positive it’s rigid enough to stay in place. I’ll have to get my hands on it to confirm.

We haven’t tried the Genius Vibe yet, so I can’t report out on our satisfaction at this point, but once we get it I’ll post a full review. In the meantime, I’m going to start thinking where we need to go for our next date night! Hmmm…someplace where Joy will have to keep a straight face no matter how hot the party gets underneath her skirt…

Enjoy Yourself!


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