Thank You

Just wanted to write a quick note of thanks to all those who have purchased my book, Exploring Dark Dreams: A Beginner’s Practical Guide to BDSM! I really appreciate your support, and I hope that you find it helpful, educational, interesting, or all three.

I’ve learned a tiny bit about the e-Publishing business on Amazon in course of writing and publishing it (though I am by no means anywhere close to being an expert–for a true professional in this area, see Renee Rose, the author of many highly entertaining, erotic romance novels that prominently feature spanking as part of the story), and as I understand it, e-Publishing depends on a sort of snowball effect to become successful. One must first get sales, which drive placement of one’s book higher in the Amazon rankings, which raises the book’s visibility. This drives more sales, which again, in turn, increases rankings, and so on…you see how it works.

The trick is, of course, to start the snowball rolling. So, once again, I appreciate all who have purchased it, and if that includes you, I have a favor to ask. Yes, this is a bit presumptuous…after all, you’ve already done me the favor of buying the book. However, those who have purchased it are the only one’s who can help with this particular favor.

I’d like to ask you to review the book on Amazon. Reviews are another way to become more visible and become ranked higher, and they can convince a potential reader who is on the fence about making a purchase to go ahead and buy. If you enjoyed my book or found the information in it useful, it would be really helpful if you said so in a review.

My apologies if that’s asking a lot–as I said, I really appreciate all you’ve done already, and if the review is too much, so be it. However, if you’re able to assist with this, I would be very grateful.

Sorry for the non-BDSM-themed post. LCSB will return to more traditional themes with my next post, which I am already working on…

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Friday Adventure Recipe (Christmas Edition) – Spanking and Coming

Recipe for Spanking and Coming

Okay, push has come to shove. Tonight’s the night when people really find out whether they are on the naughty list or the nice list! Will Santa be kind or deliver nothing but lumps of coal?

Of course, in reality, everyone belongs on both lists. We are all nice sometimes, and at other times…well, let’s just say that everyone has their moments. This recipe will enable you to illustrate that point to your submissive partner, as it mixes punishment and reward together.

The punishment, appropriately enough, will be spanking. The reward will be a ferocious orgasm. We will leverage the body’s strange capability to turn pain into sexual excitement to ensure that the intensity of the experience is greater than the sum of its two parts. To add to the excitement, we will also introduce a strong element of helplessness. Ho ho ho!

As usual, I write from the point of view of a male Dominant with a female submissive partner, but you could easily adjust this exercise to fit other relationship configurations if required.

You Will Need:

  • One spanking implement of your choice (could be your hand if you prefer)
  • One large pillow, suitable for placing under the hips of your submissive partner
  • One set of wrist cuffs
  • One set of ankle cuffs
  • One collar
  • One gag (optional)
  • A bed (hopefully you have one of these!)
  • Three adjustable ties
  • Four snap hooks
  • Three connection points, one centered on the headboard of your bed, and one placed at each of the bottom corners of the bed.
  • Your absolute best-est vibrator suitable for clitoral stimulation (the more effective, the better–I suggest a Magic Wand style, but other types can also work)

Instructions:

Place the spanking implement and the vibrator out of sight, but no harm in leaving the other equipment in plain view. For this adventure, I suggest that you start with your partner fully clothed–part of the fun is that you are going to surprise them. You, too, can wear your street clothes, but the addition of a Santa hat placed at a jaunty angle on your head is a nice touch that can help your partner get in the proper holiday spirit.

Note that we will be using the collar as a connection point rather than just for ornamental purposes in this scene. Care must be taken to ensure that at no point your partner is at risk of choking, and do not leave them alone once you have attached their collar.

  1. Find your partner, wherever she may be in the house. Politely, but insistently, interrupt whatever she is doing, and guide her to the bed where you have made your preparations.
  2. Once there, place the cuffs on her hands and use a snap hook to connect them behind her back. Don’t answer any questions, and ignore any protestations (unless, of course, the safe word is employed). If using, insert the gag into your partner’s pretty mouth and buckle it in place to cut off any further dialog–we don’t need any conversation from this point forward. Buckle the collar around her delicate neck.
  3. Unfasten your partner’s pants and remove them (if she’s wearing a skirt, you can leave it on if desired). Remove your partner’s panties so that she is naked from the waist down.
  4. Place the pillow horizontally across the middle of the bed, then firmly escort your partner forward onto the bed, so that she lays face down, with her head about a foot from the headboard and her hips over the pillow. You should end up with a lovely view of her upturned bottom, raised up slightly by the pillow underneath it.
  5. Use the first adjustable tie to connect the ring on your partner’s collar to the connection point on the headboard. Remove slack, but do not pull tight–you want to be sure there is no restriction to your partner’s breathing. The goal here is to keep your partner’s head down and oriented toward the headboard, nothing more.
  6. Place the ankle cuffs around your partner’s ankles and buckle them tightly. Use the remaining adjustable ties to connect each ankle to the corresponding connection point at the bottom corners of the bed. Remove excess slack in the ties–pull them relatively tight. You should end up with your partner’s legs fastened so that they are spread apart and she cannot close them.
  7. At this point, your partner should be bound face down over the pillow, with her hands fastened behind her back and her naked bottom raised and ready. Explain to your partner that while you are no elf, you are assisting Santa this year, specifically when it comes to evaluating your partner’s conduct. You have found her to have been both naughty and nice at various times over the course of the year, and therefore you will be administering both punishment and pleasure.
  8. Take a moment to admire your partner’s behind. Caress it, kiss it, run your fingers up between her legs. The goal here is to create “interest” before you begin in earnest. Check to see if she is wet, and use your hand and fingers to build her excitement as desired.
  9. Now, locate your spanking implement, and begin the “punishment”. Feel free to deliver a Christmas lecture if you desire–something about giving, consideration of others, thinking positive…whatever you feel is appropriate. Spank to the taste of you and your partner, but remember that we want at least some pain here. As your partner’s level of arousal increases, the pain and pleasure will tend to mix and become one, but the pain component must be present for this to occur.
  10. Now, take a brief pause in the spanking, and introduce the vibrator. Place it exactly where your partner likes it most and let it work it’s magic. Under no circumstance should you allow her to come, but you can get her heading firmly in the right direction.
  11. Give the vibrator a rest and return to the spanking for a moment or two. Then return to the vibrator. For the next several minutes, take turns first spanking, then pleasuring your partner with the vibrator. Be careful, though–we still want to be sure there are no orgasms!
  12. When you are ready, begin simultaneously spanking and pleasuring your partner. Use one hand to employ the spanking implement, and the other to hold the vibrator in the right position. You will likely find that your partner can now handle more pain than usual, so it may be best to increase the ferocity of the spanking a bit.
  13. When your partner begins to come (note that I do not say “if”), don’t stop. Keep spanking and keep the vibrator on her clitoris, no matter how she bucks and heaves and whimpers. Keep going until you are convinced she can absolutely handle no more.
  14. Stop the spanking and remove the vibrator. Unfasten your pants, unlimber your penis and immediately take your pleasure in your partner. You may go into either her front or back door–the choice is yours. Enjoy her thoroughly!
  15. When you are done, unbind your partner and pull her close. Hold her tight and tell her what a wonderful Christmas present she is, and how grateful you are to have her. Likely she will be completely spent and require some time to gather herself–this would be an excellent time for a nice holiday nap together.

Commentary:

Clearly this does not need to be a holiday adventure–you could easily remove the Christmas elements and enjoy it any time during the year. You could also forgo the collar entirely by connecting your partner’s hands to the headboard instead of behind her back–that would certainly work, but I have to say that I, personally, would miss the magic sight of Joy’s hands twisting futilely in their cuffs as she comes and comes. Also, the addition of an anal plug can add an extra “zing” to the scene if desired.

Enjoy yourself, and merry Christmas!

Jake

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Stocking Stuffers

Uh, oh–I just looked up and realized that time is running out! Christmas is almost here! How did I not notice until now?

The good news is that I’ve done most of my shopping already, and I’m feeling pretty comfortable with the gifts I’ve purchased for Joy. The only thing that’s left is her Christmas stocking–the one hanging from the hearth in the living room. So far,it is alarmingly empty. Hmm…what could I find for her that I know she’d like, and that is small enough to fit into a stocking? Let me think…

Bondage Tape Aha! This will fit easily! And I have this idea of trying to bind Joy’s breasts with tape…because it is sticky it won’t slip off so easily in the throes of passion, or under the tender ministrations of the riding crop. Gifting this to Joy will let me enact my nefarious plan!

Locking Anal Plug – – Joy has always had a curious fascination with this item, and while it’s a bit pricey, it may be time for me to break down and get her one. Though I suspect she may discover that it is is one of those toys for which she has a love-hate relationship, I’m quite sure she’ll thank me for it…after all, I will be the one with the key!

Lube – – Come on, who doesn’t need more lube? I don’t think we’ve tried this kind, but how can the Swiss Navy be wrong? I think it would be good to give it a go, and it ought to fit into the stocking quite easily.

Vibrating Nipple Pads – – Just happened upon these, and I suspect Joy might find them intriguing. As far as I can tell, they are not any sort of clamp, but instead stick on like pasties. I’m a little concerned about the quality of manufacturing–we’ve had a bad experience with a different, vibrating nipple toy–but it might be fun, the price is right, and they’ll fit in the stocking.

Fluttering Kiss Dual Stimuation Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment – – We love our Hitachi Magic Wand (best tool ever for forcing Joy over the edge into orgasm), and the three or four attachments we have see frequent use. This one is different, though–it flutters, and is supposed to simulate the licking sensation of a tongue. Joy will have to give a full report out after Christmas to let y’all know what she thinks.

Leather Armbinder – – Okay, you’re right–this won’t fit in the stocking. But I’ve had a fantasy about binding Joy in one of these for years! Plus it’s leather, and you know how I feel about that. Picture Joy bound strappado-style with her arms raised behind her so that her bare breasts hang free. What kinds of wicked things could I subject her to? Just imagine!

Well, this list should help the stocking situation out rather nicely, don’t you think? Of course, Joy might bring up the idea that most of these gifts are really more for me than they are for her, but I think that’s just the Grinch talking. Don’t you?

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Joy’s Perspective

Joy is a little worried.

As I posted a couple weeks ago, I recently published an e-Book meant to serve as a handbook on BDSM for beginners. The book has actually been pretty much written in one form or another for a couple years. For a long time, however, I hesitated about publishing it. The reason for the hesitation was that I was worried about how Joy might feel about it.

“Oh,” she told me several times, “Go ahead and publish it! You’re a good writer, and I think you should go forward.” And in fact, Joy even edited the manuscript before it went live on Amazon. But even so, I had concerns. I double-checked with her one last time before hitting the “publish” button, and she looked me straight in the eye and told me, “Do it.”

So I did.

This afternoon, though, we talked a little about how she felt. Joy often has a hard time speaking about her feelings, but this was a rare mood, and she was able to open up more fully than usual. And here’s what she shared about how she feels.

“I’m a little scared,” she said. “And I’m a little embarrassed. What if someone knows who I am? What if your book becomes popular and someone discovers that it’s me that you are writing about? How will I look my friends in the eye? What will people think?”

Truth be told, that is a risk. Frankly, even having this blog carries with it that risk, and all of us who blog about “out-of-the-accepted-norm” topics worry about it a little. I am less sensitive and therefore less worried than Joy is, but there’s no question that what I write might raise some eyebrows among my vanilla friends and acquaintances.

Joy, however, has an extremely strong reaction to feelings of embarrassment. She hates to feel ashamed. And as she points out, society takes a different view of a woman who likes to be Dominated and spanked than of the man who likes to spank her and make her submit. Neither is positive, mind you, but the man’s perspective is more easily understood.

Hopefully being “outed” is a risk that won’t be realized. However, I suspect that even if it did come to pass, that both Joy and I might be a little surprised at the range of reactions we’d get from the members of the vanilla crowds we hang with. I’m sure we’d get the cold shoulder from some, and that we’d be the source of endless gossip. However, I also believe that there would be others that would give us a secret wink of understanding, or surreptitiously ask us curious questions in private venues when the occasion presented itself.

And hey…maybe they’d buy copies of the book. That would be a bonus!

Joy also shared that a part of her is jealous. That caught me by surprise, but I guess, in retrospect, it shouldn’t have. If you’ve read her occasional contributions to my blog, you’ll know that she writes well and has her own distinct viewpoint. And she definitely has a strong sense of competition inside her, which she sometimes focuses to a lesser extent even on me. Of course, my reaction is, “Then, please, go ahead and write—I’ll absolutely be supportive!” Perhaps she will…though I suspect her choice of subject matter might be different.

Despite all this, however, Joy remains positive she made the correct decision when she said, “Do it.” I love my wife, who can be amazingly brave at times.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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Skin-on-Skin

I find that physical contact, bare skin to bare skin, is highly beneficial in a couple’s relationship. Note that I’m not referring simply to sex in this case, though sex certainly does bring skin-on-skin contact with it. I mean plain old “pressed up against your partner, hold them close with nothing between you” skin-to-skin contact. There’s something about it that seems to extend beyond the physical sensation—it reinforces a mental and emotional bond that can reach far deeper than just giving each other an orgasm.

A number of studies have been done on this topic, primarily from the perspective of a mother and her newborn baby, but also between couples, and they tend to confirm my finding. Everything from better sleep to improved immune systems to greater perceived general happiness can be correlated to skin-on-skin contact between partners, at least according to the research that’s been done. I’m not sure I can speak to the immune system, but I can definitely confirm that Joy and I have found benefits!

Here’s how I work things to ensure that Joy and I spend sufficient time together bare-to-bare:

When we go to bed at night, Joy is permitted to wear nothing more than a nightgown. Pajamas or anything with pants are not allowable, and Joy may not wear anything (including panties) under her nightgown. I typically sleep naked. Ideally, I’d prefer for her to sleep naked as well, but she gets cold easily and I am a benevolent Dominant–the nightgown seems to provide the best way to accomplish my goal and yet allow her to feel warm.

The beauty of the nightgown (in addition to easy access to crucial parts of Joy required for any late-night romping that may be called for) is that I can pull it up and touch as much of Joy as I’d like, skin-to-skin. And that’s what we do. When we are ready to go to sleep, we lie side by side, spooning. I pull Joy’s nightgown up in the back so that her bare bottom nestles up into my hips, and slide one arm under her neck so that she can lay her head across it. I bring the other hand up over her, slip it up under her nightgown and cup her breast in my hand, feeling her nipple press into my palm. And I hold her like this until we fall asleep, our skin in contact all up and down our bodies.

During the night, after we’re unconscious, we naturally separate, and by morning, we are both generally asleep on our own sides of the bed. However, on weekends, when we can sleep in, I almost always slide over to her side of the bed and pull her against me in the same position, bare butt against me and breast in my hand. I hold her that way until either she wakes up, or I feel compelled to get up and make the coffee, whichever comes first.

We didn’t used to always do this. Oh, the nightgown and no panties has been a long-standing requirement, but we didn’t always sleep like spoons. Instead, this was the way we went to bed sometimes, when we were feeling particularly close. There were also nights when Joy and I were not feeling particularly close, when I had gotten on Joy’s last nerve, for instance. (Yes—I know it’s hard to believe that could possibly happen—I don’t understand it either.) On those nights, we went to sleep on our own sides of the bed, a great, cold no man’s land of empty covers between us. And then there were the in-between nights, neither close nor distant, and on those nights, we might lie side-by-side or something like that.

But over time I noticed something. When we went to sleep this way, spooning skin-on-skin, we woke up happier. Joy seemed like she fell asleep faster in my arms, we woke up feeling closer and more intimate, and our mutual desire for each other seemed to be stronger as well. Holding Joy like this while she slept became one of my favorite things, and I began to look forward to weekend mornings early for the express reason that I could wake up first and simply enjoy the peace and contentment of holding her. Having noticed this trend, the next logical question to try to answer was, “Was this simply a correlation, or was there causation involved?” In other words, was the skin-on-skin contact the reason for these good effects, or was it just another pleasant side effect of the good mood we were in when we went to bed that particular night? With that question in mind, I decided to implement a test.

I made it a rule—we were to always go to sleep in this position, with Joy in my arms, her bare ass snugged up against me and her breast in my hand. It made no difference whether Joy was happy with me or mad, feeling romantic or feeling tired—this was how we were to go to bed, and any reluctance or complaint on her part would not be tolerated.

At first, Joy wasn’t really happy with this, especially on nights when she wasn’t really happy with me. However, complaining got her immediately spanked, and after a couple quick sessions across my knee, she realized that I was quite serious—even when she was angry with me, she was going to sleep with her bare self in my arms. And I discovered something very interesting.

On nights when Joy is angry (or frustrated, or tired, or less-than-happy for some other reason), she initially resists. Oh, not actively—that will get her bottom paddled—but by acting wooden, holding herself stiff and refusing to relax. However, as we lie together and I hold her, her muscles gradually begin to loosen up. It’s hard to stay angry when someone is holding you so closely and gently and intimately. She begins to get sleepy, and soon enough she is pushing herself back up against me, fitting her sweet bottom into the curve of my hips. Her breathing deepens, her body twitches and I can tell she is asleep. There is something about lying with my arms around her bare body that helps her to release her anger and frustration and find peace.
We wake up happier as well, especially on mornings where we have time to cuddle, skin-on-skin, before we get up. And there is definitely an increase in desire as well—many, many mornings find me entering her from behind as she sleepily positions her hips to allow me better penetration. Fights seem less frequent, and in general, Joy seems less flammable, as if the enforced intimacy of our bedtime cuddle acts as a form of relationship flame retardant.

It is difficult to say for certain whether the bare skin contact is the true cause of these phenomena—perhaps there’s some other hidden cause that is the actual driver. If so, however, I can’t see it. And the benefits seem to be real. The rule I described above has been in place in our house for over a year-and-a-half now, and I have no intention of relaxing it. Joy doesn’t want me to relax it either—when I travel, she tells me she has a hard time falling asleep without my arms around her. Perhaps it’s just a habit, but we both look forward to bedtime and the lovely feeling of closeness and intimacy our skin-on-skin contact provides.

Would you benefit from something like this, too? Well, every couple is different, but research suggests that you might. Besides, what’s the downside of giving it a try? If nothing else, you’ll have a nice chance to hold your bare partner in your arms, and what could be better than that?

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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