Many women believe that being beautiful means being perfect (or as near to it as humanly possible). They therefore strive for perfection–perfect hair, perfect teeth, a perfect smile, a perfect figure, a perfect manicure–and make every effort to mask their perceived flaws, their “imperfections”. However, I believe that this assumed axiom–perfection equals beauty–is fundamentally wrong.

When considering a hypothesis, it is often useful to look at the extremes, the “edge cases”, to see how the hypothesis reacts when it is pushed to its farthest boundaries. The limits are often where a hypothesis fails, and therefore where it can be most easily proven flawed. Let’s consider the idea perfection = beauty when it is carried to an extreme.

Let’s picture a world where all women are physically perfect. “Perfection”, as defined in the USA in today’s culture (established, of course, by the media and entertainment industry), would likely mean that everyone would have blonde hair, blue eyes, be athletic, 5′ 10″ tall, weigh 130 lbs and have D-cup breasts. So that’s exactly what all women, everywhere, would look like.

Now, let me ask you, in this world that we are imagining, what woman would be beautiful?

The answer, of course, is none. The females in this imaginary world are all the same–none can be differentiated from any other. In this world, no woman would be beautiful. What they would be, from a physical perspective, is monotonous. I submit that at the edge, the perfection = beauty hypothesis fails. Instead, we discover that perfection = uniformity = boredom.

Do you know who would be beautiful, though? A stranger, introduced into this world we picture, who has a “flaw”. Perhaps she would have dark hair, or brown eyes, or a crooked tooth, or a freckle on her cheek. Perhaps her body-type might tend more to 160 lbs than 130, she might be shorter or her breasts might be B-cups, or she might have a bit more softness and a bit less muscle. Perhaps she might have many of these “flaws” rather than just one. It doesn’t matter. Because she would be unique, she would immediately be the most interesting and attractive woman in the world.

It is precisely our imperfections that differentiate us from everyone else in the sea of sameness, that make us stand out, that make us attractive. True beauty, for woman or man, lies in the imperfections.

This is a large part of the reason that I am not, in general, a fan of things like breast enhancements. Cosmetic breast enhancement serves as a way to allow a woman to try to copy what she perceives to be the perfect breast. In other words, it allows her to change the distinctive breasts she has owned from birth to match, as closely as possible, some sort of “perfect” ideal. This is also why I generally prefer the unshaven look to a completely bare pubus–removing all pubic hair also removes the individual variations of pubic triangle that each woman possesses, and replaces them with sameness. For both breast and bush, I suggest that it is usually far wiser to capitalize on the uniqueness that each individual has been given than to try to change to conform to “perfection”.

One of the issues Joy struggles to overcome when we engage in a BDSM adventure is the feeling she sometimes gets that she is on display. She feels that she is part of a “show” that I orchestrate for an audience–in this case, an audience of one…me…but an audience, nonetheless. She is usually naked or semi-clothed, she is bound in a compromising position, and I pay close attention to her every move and reaction. Being on display this way exposes, in her mind, her every flaw. All her imperfections are visible and unmistakeable and on parade, and she becomes very self-conscious.

Sexual excitement can help her overcome this feeling, but even at her most excited, it frequently remains a problem. When Joy reaches orgasm, she worries afterwards about how she looked, and whether she did anything stupid or foolish or ridiculous in the throes of her passion. About the only thing that really eliminates this concern for her is if she feels that I, her “audience”, was so distracted by taking my pleasure in her body that I could not possibly have been “watching” her.

Joy is correct in her belief that I see her imperfections when we are together. Of course I see them, just as she sees mine. What she is wrong about, however, is her belief that I see them as flaws. After these many years of marriage, I know her body, its shape and curves, and I revel in it. The things she believes I see as a shortcomings, I instead regard as endearing and distinctive. They are the small things that, together, add up to define the physical shape of Joy. They are the qualities that make her beautiful. Of course I love them, just as I love her.

Sadly, it is difficult for her to accept this. Sometimes I wish that Joy could see herself through my eyes, the way that I see her…that might truly be the only way for her to understand.

Enjoy yourself,


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Thank You

Just wanted to write a quick note of thanks to all those who have purchased my book, Exploring Dark Dreams: A Beginner’s Practical Guide to BDSM! I really appreciate your support, and I hope that you find it helpful, educational, interesting, or all three.

I’ve learned a tiny bit about the e-Publishing business on Amazon in course of writing and publishing it (though I am by no means anywhere close to being an expert–for a true professional in this area, see Renee Rose, the author of many highly entertaining, erotic romance novels that prominently feature spanking as part of the story), and as I understand it, e-Publishing depends on a sort of snowball effect to become successful. One must first get sales, which drive placement of one’s book higher in the Amazon rankings, which raises the book’s visibility. This drives more sales, which again, in turn, increases rankings, and so on…you see how it works.

The trick is, of course, to start the snowball rolling. So, once again, I appreciate all who have purchased it, and if that includes you, I have a favor to ask. Yes, this is a bit presumptuous…after all, you’ve already done me the favor of buying the book. However, those who have purchased it are the only one’s who can help with this particular favor.

I’d like to ask you to review the book on Amazon. Reviews are another way to become more visible and become ranked higher, and they can convince a potential reader who is on the fence about making a purchase to go ahead and buy. If you enjoyed my book or found the information in it useful, it would be really helpful if you said so in a review.

My apologies if that’s asking a lot–as I said, I really appreciate all you’ve done already, and if the review is too much, so be it. However, if you’re able to assist with this, I would be very grateful.

Sorry for the non-BDSM-themed post. LCSB will return to more traditional themes with my next post, which I am already working on…

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Friday Adventure Recipe (Christmas Edition) – Spanking and Coming

Recipe for Spanking and Coming

Okay, push has come to shove. Tonight’s the night when people really find out whether they are on the naughty list or the nice list! Will Santa be kind or deliver nothing but lumps of coal?

Of course, in reality, everyone belongs on both lists. We are all nice sometimes, and at other times…well, let’s just say that everyone has their moments. This recipe will enable you to illustrate that point to your submissive partner, as it mixes punishment and reward together.

The punishment, appropriately enough, will be spanking. The reward will be a ferocious orgasm. We will leverage the body’s strange capability to turn pain into sexual excitement to ensure that the intensity of the experience is greater than the sum of its two parts. To add to the excitement, we will also introduce a strong element of helplessness. Ho ho ho!

As usual, I write from the point of view of a male Dominant with a female submissive partner, but you could easily adjust this exercise to fit other relationship configurations if required.

You Will Need:

  • One spanking implement of your choice (could be your hand if you prefer)
  • One large pillow, suitable for placing under the hips of your submissive partner
  • One set of wrist cuffs
  • One set of ankle cuffs
  • One collar
  • One gag (optional)
  • A bed (hopefully you have one of these!)
  • Three adjustable ties
  • Four snap hooks
  • Three connection points, one centered on the headboard of your bed, and one placed at each of the bottom corners of the bed.
  • Your absolute best-est vibrator suitable for clitoral stimulation (the more effective, the better–I suggest a Magic Wand style, but other types can also work)


Place the spanking implement and the vibrator out of sight, but no harm in leaving the other equipment in plain view. For this adventure, I suggest that you start with your partner fully clothed–part of the fun is that you are going to surprise them. You, too, can wear your street clothes, but the addition of a Santa hat placed at a jaunty angle on your head is a nice touch that can help your partner get in the proper holiday spirit.

Note that we will be using the collar as a connection point rather than just for ornamental purposes in this scene. Care must be taken to ensure that at no point your partner is at risk of choking, and do not leave them alone once you have attached their collar.

  1. Find your partner, wherever she may be in the house. Politely, but insistently, interrupt whatever she is doing, and guide her to the bed where you have made your preparations.
  2. Once there, place the cuffs on her hands and use a snap hook to connect them behind her back. Don’t answer any questions, and ignore any protestations (unless, of course, the safe word is employed). If using, insert the gag into your partner’s pretty mouth and buckle it in place to cut off any further dialog–we don’t need any conversation from this point forward. Buckle the collar around her delicate neck.
  3. Unfasten your partner’s pants and remove them (if she’s wearing a skirt, you can leave it on if desired). Remove your partner’s panties so that she is naked from the waist down.
  4. Place the pillow horizontally across the middle of the bed, then firmly escort your partner forward onto the bed, so that she lays face down, with her head about a foot from the headboard and her hips over the pillow. You should end up with a lovely view of her upturned bottom, raised up slightly by the pillow underneath it.
  5. Use the first adjustable tie to connect the ring on your partner’s collar to the connection point on the headboard. Remove slack, but do not pull tight–you want to be sure there is no restriction to your partner’s breathing. The goal here is to keep your partner’s head down and oriented toward the headboard, nothing more.
  6. Place the ankle cuffs around your partner’s ankles and buckle them tightly. Use the remaining adjustable ties to connect each ankle to the corresponding connection point at the bottom corners of the bed. Remove excess slack in the ties–pull them relatively tight. You should end up with your partner’s legs fastened so that they are spread apart and she cannot close them.
  7. At this point, your partner should be bound face down over the pillow, with her hands fastened behind her back and her naked bottom raised and ready. Explain to your partner that while you are no elf, you are assisting Santa this year, specifically when it comes to evaluating your partner’s conduct. You have found her to have been both naughty and nice at various times over the course of the year, and therefore you will be administering both punishment and pleasure.
  8. Take a moment to admire your partner’s behind. Caress it, kiss it, run your fingers up between her legs. The goal here is to create “interest” before you begin in earnest. Check to see if she is wet, and use your hand and fingers to build her excitement as desired.
  9. Now, locate your spanking implement, and begin the “punishment”. Feel free to deliver a Christmas lecture if you desire–something about giving, consideration of others, thinking positive…whatever you feel is appropriate. Spank to the taste of you and your partner, but remember that we want at least some pain here. As your partner’s level of arousal increases, the pain and pleasure will tend to mix and become one, but the pain component must be present for this to occur.
  10. Now, take a brief pause in the spanking, and introduce the vibrator. Place it exactly where your partner likes it most and let it work it’s magic. Under no circumstance should you allow her to come, but you can get her heading firmly in the right direction.
  11. Give the vibrator a rest and return to the spanking for a moment or two. Then return to the vibrator. For the next several minutes, take turns first spanking, then pleasuring your partner with the vibrator. Be careful, though–we still want to be sure there are no orgasms!
  12. When you are ready, begin simultaneously spanking and pleasuring your partner. Use one hand to employ the spanking implement, and the other to hold the vibrator in the right position. You will likely find that your partner can now handle more pain than usual, so it may be best to increase the ferocity of the spanking a bit.
  13. When your partner begins to come (note that I do not say “if”), don’t stop. Keep spanking and keep the vibrator on her clitoris, no matter how she bucks and heaves and whimpers. Keep going until you are convinced she can absolutely handle no more.
  14. Stop the spanking and remove the vibrator. Unfasten your pants, unlimber your penis and immediately take your pleasure in your partner. You may go into either her front or back door–the choice is yours. Enjoy her thoroughly!
  15. When you are done, unbind your partner and pull her close. Hold her tight and tell her what a wonderful Christmas present she is, and how grateful you are to have her. Likely she will be completely spent and require some time to gather herself–this would be an excellent time for a nice holiday nap together.


Clearly this does not need to be a holiday adventure–you could easily remove the Christmas elements and enjoy it any time during the year. You could also forgo the collar entirely by connecting your partner’s hands to the headboard instead of behind her back–that would certainly work, but I have to say that I, personally, would miss the magic sight of Joy’s hands twisting futilely in their cuffs as she comes and comes. Also, the addition of an anal plug can add an extra “zing” to the scene if desired.

Enjoy yourself, and merry Christmas!


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Stocking Stuffers

Uh, oh–I just looked up and realized that time is running out! Christmas is almost here! How did I not notice until now?

The good news is that I’ve done most of my shopping already, and I’m feeling pretty comfortable with the gifts I’ve purchased for Joy. The only thing that’s left is her Christmas stocking–the one hanging from the hearth in the living room. So far,it is alarmingly empty. Hmm…what could I find for her that I know she’d like, and that is small enough to fit into a stocking? Let me think…

Bondage Tape Aha! This will fit easily! And I have this idea of trying to bind Joy’s breasts with tape…because it is sticky it won’t slip off so easily in the throes of passion, or under the tender ministrations of the riding crop. Gifting this to Joy will let me enact my nefarious plan!

Locking Anal Plug – – Joy has always had a curious fascination with this item, and while it’s a bit pricey, it may be time for me to break down and get her one. Though I suspect she may discover that it is is one of those toys for which she has a love-hate relationship, I’m quite sure she’ll thank me for it…after all, I will be the one with the key!

Lube – – Come on, who doesn’t need more lube? I don’t think we’ve tried this kind, but how can the Swiss Navy be wrong? I think it would be good to give it a go, and it ought to fit into the stocking quite easily.

Vibrating Nipple Pads – – Just happened upon these, and I suspect Joy might find them intriguing. As far as I can tell, they are not any sort of clamp, but instead stick on like pasties. I’m a little concerned about the quality of manufacturing–we’ve had a bad experience with a different, vibrating nipple toy–but it might be fun, the price is right, and they’ll fit in the stocking.

Fluttering Kiss Dual Stimuation Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment – – We love our Hitachi Magic Wand (best tool ever for forcing Joy over the edge into orgasm), and the three or four attachments we have see frequent use. This one is different, though–it flutters, and is supposed to simulate the licking sensation of a tongue. Joy will have to give a full report out after Christmas to let y’all know what she thinks.

Leather Armbinder – – Okay, you’re right–this won’t fit in the stocking. But I’ve had a fantasy about binding Joy in one of these for years! Plus it’s leather, and you know how I feel about that. Picture Joy bound strappado-style with her arms raised behind her so that her bare breasts hang free. What kinds of wicked things could I subject her to? Just imagine!

Well, this list should help the stocking situation out rather nicely, don’t you think? Of course, Joy might bring up the idea that most of these gifts are really more for me than they are for her, but I think that’s just the Grinch talking. Don’t you?

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Joy’s Perspective

Joy is a little worried.

As I posted a couple weeks ago, I recently published an e-Book meant to serve as a handbook on BDSM for beginners. The book has actually been pretty much written in one form or another for a couple years. For a long time, however, I hesitated about publishing it. The reason for the hesitation was that I was worried about how Joy might feel about it.

“Oh,” she told me several times, “Go ahead and publish it! You’re a good writer, and I think you should go forward.” And in fact, Joy even edited the manuscript before it went live on Amazon. But even so, I had concerns. I double-checked with her one last time before hitting the “publish” button, and she looked me straight in the eye and told me, “Do it.”

So I did.

This afternoon, though, we talked a little about how she felt. Joy often has a hard time speaking about her feelings, but this was a rare mood, and she was able to open up more fully than usual. And here’s what she shared about how she feels.

“I’m a little scared,” she said. “And I’m a little embarrassed. What if someone knows who I am? What if your book becomes popular and someone discovers that it’s me that you are writing about? How will I look my friends in the eye? What will people think?”

Truth be told, that is a risk. Frankly, even having this blog carries with it that risk, and all of us who blog about “out-of-the-accepted-norm” topics worry about it a little. I am less sensitive and therefore less worried than Joy is, but there’s no question that what I write might raise some eyebrows among my vanilla friends and acquaintances.

Joy, however, has an extremely strong reaction to feelings of embarrassment. She hates to feel ashamed. And as she points out, society takes a different view of a woman who likes to be Dominated and spanked than of the man who likes to spank her and make her submit. Neither is positive, mind you, but the man’s perspective is more easily understood.

Hopefully being “outed” is a risk that won’t be realized. However, I suspect that even if it did come to pass, that both Joy and I might be a little surprised at the range of reactions we’d get from the members of the vanilla crowds we hang with. I’m sure we’d get the cold shoulder from some, and that we’d be the source of endless gossip. However, I also believe that there would be others that would give us a secret wink of understanding, or surreptitiously ask us curious questions in private venues when the occasion presented itself.

And hey…maybe they’d buy copies of the book. That would be a bonus!

Joy also shared that a part of her is jealous. That caught me by surprise, but I guess, in retrospect, it shouldn’t have. If you’ve read her occasional contributions to my blog, you’ll know that she writes well and has her own distinct viewpoint. And she definitely has a strong sense of competition inside her, which she sometimes focuses to a lesser extent even on me. Of course, my reaction is, “Then, please, go ahead and write—I’ll absolutely be supportive!” Perhaps she will…though I suspect her choice of subject matter might be different.

Despite all this, however, Joy remains positive she made the correct decision when she said, “Do it.” I love my wife, who can be amazingly brave at times.

Enjoy yourself,


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