If you finished up step two successfully, you and your significant other have now completed your first true bondage adventure together. You gently introduced a set of cuffs into the bedroom, bound your partner using them, and then did your very best to ensure they enjoyed themselves. Hopefully your session went well! And hopefully you’ve now waited for at least a couple weeks to give your partner time to get used to the idea that they liked the experience of being bound for sex, and to allow their curiosity about “next time” to peak.
Here’s the good news: If your partner enjoyed themselves last time, then at this point, you’re pretty much off and running. As long as you continue to follow our two guiding principles…
- Go slow, and take one baby step at a time
- Always leave them wanting more
…you can go in many different directions from here, each of them fun and likely successful. Good options would include:
- Adding ankle cuffs if you didn’t use them last time.
- Trying out a different position or two (For instance, if you went with face up last time, then try face down. Or if you went with lying on the bed, consider standing with arms bound overhead or bent over a table.)
- Adding some kind of fetish-wear (did I mention I love leather?) or other lingerie to the adventure
You need to be careful to take nothing more than a baby step, however! Remember that this whole experience is new and possibly a little sensitive for your partner. Use this next session to consolidate the gains you have made together, rather than trying to push the envelope.
With that in mind, I’d recommend avoiding adding any type of gag or collar, anything that could cause discomfort, or anything that smacks of S&M for now. If you’re interested in incorporating any or all of these, you can gauge your partner’s interest in future sessions. For now, though, just try to cement the idea that “bondage is fun” into the mind of your partner.
In the first two steps, you’ve been very solicitous of your partner’s needs, and have been very gentle at introducing them to any bondage activities. The only real aspect of dominance/submission that has taken place has been the physical restraint itself, and the fact that you were suggesting cuffs or a blindfold in the first place. For step three, you’re probably okay to hint at a more dominant role if that’s your preference.
The second time I took Joy into bondage, I met her in the kitchen before dinner. I put my arms around her, gave her a long, slow kiss, and said, “Meet me in the spare bedroom tonight?” She smiled back at me and said she would. Then I grasped her hands, held them firmly behind her back and kissed her again. “I’m afraid, though, that we’re going to have to be a little strict tonight.” She began to breathe hard, and her eyes started to get that sleepy look that tells me she is excited. I continued to hold her hands behind her and asked, “Are you okay with that?”
She looked down for a minute, took two breaths, and then said in a small voice, “I think so…”
However, note that I said “hint”. Be careful not to overdo it!
Whichever direction you decide to take your adventure in, be gentle and sensitive to your partner’s needs. Again, make sure you spend time focusing on giving them pleasure! It’s important that step three be just as positive an experience as step two was. So again, remember the two principles and follow them! You’ve come so far already…you don’t want to mess anything up now.
If your third experience together is successful, I think I can safely say “Welcome to the world of bondage” to both you and your partner. Three times is the charm, and if you can reach three fun and pleasurable bondage adventures in a row, I believe your partner will accept it as a positive form of play going forward. Proceed in whatever direction you and your partner choose, exploring whatever types of activities you both are interested in.
If you want to stop at occasionally whipping out the cuffs or blindfold, that’s fine. If you decide that you want to progress farther along the bondage path with your partner, though, just bear in mind that each time you take another step you should carry your partner just past their zone of comfort. Taking this approach will maximize the excitement for both of you.
Okay, after completing this step you and your partner are officially graduates of Introducing Bondage into Your Relationship!
On the other hand, what if things didn’t go so swimmingly? What if there was trouble in step two, or you made a mistake and tried to take a giant step instead of a baby one? That will take us to the final article in this series—troubleshooting…