What do you do if you’d like to explore adding some bondage elements to your relationship, but aren’t sure if your partner would be willing to participate? The obvious answer is to talk about it, but sometimes this can be a difficult subject to bring up, particularly if your partner is on the more “conventional” side. It’s also possible that your partner might be afraid to say yes even if they’re attracted to the idea–maybe they think it would make them weird if they admit that the idea of being restrained excites them. I’d like to present a multi-part, step-by-step guide to introducing bondage into your bedroom. If followed, I believe it will allow you to be successful if your partner has any interest at all.
Before I start, I should specify that I’m a heterosexual male who prefers to be in the dominant role. Therefore, I’m writing this guide from that viewpoint. However, what I’m going to say should apply just as well if you’re gay, or female, or even if you prefer to be submissive. Just adjust the genders and/or top or bottom perspective to fit your identity and you should be just fine!
Okay, there are two principles that you should live by if you want to succeed in leading an inexperienced, unsure partner down the path to a happy bondage-ful sex life. They are:
- Walk slowly, and take one baby step at a time
- Always leave your partner wanting more
These principals are important because you don’t want to frighten your partner off. Bondage is about control, and giving control to someone else involves trust. If you do something to threaten that trust, you’ll quickly hit the brick wall of “no”, and if that collision occurs, it can’t easily be undone. Allow me to repeat–take one baby step at a time! I know this means you’ll have to go slower than you want, and I know that it will involve some frustration on your part, but in the end, you will thank me if you take this approach. And actually, in the end you’ll have more fun, too, as the journey will last longer, and you’ll appreciate each stop along the way!
Let’s talk about those baby steps, too. Your goal each time you move forward another step should be to take your partner just beyond familiar territory, so that she has that breathless feeling of “Oh, I’m not sure about this”, but it never crosses over into “Uh oh, I’m scared” or “Ouch, that hurts” or “Stop it!”. This is a delicate line to walk, but the reactions of your partner will let you know when you’re there and when you’re in danger of going too far.
To adhere to the second principle, remember that it’s not a good idea to take a step forward every time you take your partner to bed! If you do, you’ll risk crossing the too-far-too-fast line as well! Instead, wait for awhile before you take another step. If one night you blindfold them, then the next few times, don’t even bust out the blindfold! Act like you don’t even remember the blindfold, so that inside they’re thinking “I kinda liked that blindfold thing–I wish he’d try it again”. Wait for a couple weeks, or even better, a month, and then bring out the blindfold again. And then, once you have the blindfold on and your partner is comfortably enjoying being unable to see, take another step. The blindfold, after all, has moved into familiar territory, and your goal is to go just past that boundary, just beyond their comfort zone.
“Okay, enough with the theory”, I can hear you saying! “Will he never get down to the real brass tacks? I want to actually try this in a real-life bedroom with my real-life wife, or girlfriend, or boyfriend, or friend with benefits, or whatever! What’s should I do?”
You’re right–it’s time to get down to business and talk about the steps to take. Links to each are listed in order below: