Many people, both men and women, have questions about anal sex. Listed below is an assortment of the most frequently asked questions, along with answers obtained through both research and personal experience. Hopefully they’ll prove helpful as you explore this topic!
If you have a question that is not covered here, please submit it in the comments and I’ll take a look and try to respond back. If it’s a good addition to the FAQs list, I’ll add it into the text of this page.
Anal Sex FAQs
Q. Does anal sex hurt?
A. If done properly, anal sex does not hurt, and in fact, feels very good (often extremely good) to both the giver and receiver. However, note the “done properly” requirement! Many people have a bad first experience with anal sex precisely because it is not done properly, and they carry their poor first impression with them from that day forward. To ensure that anal sex is enjoyable and does not hurt, a good quality lubricant must be used and should be applied to both the exterior and interior of the reciever’s anus. It is also wise to begin the process with something smaller than a penis (such as a finger, perhaps) to help the recipient relax their muscles. And finally, the receiver needs to have an open mind about trying anal sex–if they are only grudgingly participating, they are almost guaranteed not to enjoy it.
Q. How can I convince my wife/girlfriend to try anal sex?
A. That’s a question that is worthy of a longer answer than I can provide in this FAQ list. I’d suggest reading my series on that topic to get ideas for a successful approach.
Q. What is the best position for anal sex?
A. This is a matter of personal preference for both the giver and receiver, and just about any common position for traditional sex can work for anal sex as well. However, as a general guideline, it is easiest for the giver to penetrate the receiver’s anus from behind (think positions like doggy-style, or having the receiver lay flat on their belly with a cushion under their hips to raise their rear end up slightly). On the other hand, variants on the missionary position (the receiver lays face up with their legs up in the air and spread and their hips tilted back to provide the proper angle for penetration) offer the best opportunity for the giver to provide direct genital stimulation during anal sex, either with their hand or with a vibrator.
Q. Is anal sex dirty?
A. There’s no getting around the fact that anal sex takes place in the anus–that much is a given. However, if proper preparation is made, then anal sex need not be “dirty”. To prepare, it is wise for the receiver to evacuate their bowels before beginning. My wife, Joy, recommends cleaning both inside and out by giving oneself an enema and then washing the outside when it is complete. There are purpose-built enema tools available through drugstores and other vendors, but Joy simply uses a bulb aspirator such as is used to clear a young child’s nose.
Q. Why would I want to have anal sex, anyway?
A. This one is easy–because it is very exciting and feels really good! In fact, in some cases, anal intercourse can be more exciting than vaginal intercourse–even if you are on the receiving end. The anus is a highly-charged erogenous zone for many, many people, both men and women. Especially if accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris, anal intercourse can lead to intense orgasms for female recipients. While I believe there are some women (and probably some men, also) who do not get much pleasure from being penetrated in their ass, my experience has been that they are far and away the exception, and that a high percentage of women can and will enjoy anal intercourse if performed properly.
Q. Isn’t anal sex too kinky for “normal” people?
A. Acceptance of anal sex is on an upswing. It has (for obvious reasons) always been accepted in the gay community, but these days it’s becoming more and more commonplace among straight couples as well. My prediction is that, in the US, most women will have at least tried anal sex within the next few years, and relatively quickly it will move into the mainstream in the same way that oral sex did in past generations.
Q. Does having anal sex increase your risk of sexually transmitted diseases?
A. Anal sex does increase your chance of contracting some types of STDs, for both the giver and receiver. Because of this, it is recommended that a condom be used when performing anal sex. If you and your partner are in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you may consider going without a condom, but be aware that the risk is there.
Q. Does frequent anal sex stretch out your anus?
A. No–this is a myth. Your anus is made to expand (for obvious reasons) and then contract again when done. Frequent anal sex has no impact on this process.
Want more info about anal sex? Read my series on introducing anal sex to your wife or girlfriend!