Archive for category General Bondage

Locking Gear

Joy and I have several different sets of cuffs. There are our favorite black ones with little red hearts on them–we use them all the time. It is great fun to restrain Joy in them and watch her twist and turn in the throes of passion. I find few things more erotic than the sight of a helpless woman reaching orgasm after orgasm.

We have assorted other sets of cuffs, including a single pair of metal, police-style cuffs which have been relegated to the back corner of a bottom drawer in the playroom bureau. Though I like the weight and strength of metal, they are simply too uncomfortable and too likely to cause abrasion for Joy to wear for most activities. We have a backup pair of plain, leather cuffs that our friend Beth wore upon occasion when she visited, and an old pair of velcro cuffs that come in handy when Joy needs to be rapidly secured.

But we also have one other set of cuffs that sees occasional use, a set that possesses a unique characteristic that comes in handy once in awhile. They are unadorned black leather, heavily constructed, each made to wrap twice around one of Joy’s limbs to provide additional strength. We have one pair for Joy’s wrists, and a second for her ankles, and each of the four comes complete with a small, brass padlock. These are our locking cuffs, and when they have been placed upon her, Joy truly cannot escape their grasp without assistance.

We use them only rarely. Frankly, the extra step of having to close the padlock on each one can be fussy and time consuming, and in most cases is unnecessary. After all, while I am quite certain that Joy could, if she desired, unbuckle our favorite, non-locking leather cuffs if she wanted to and had sufficient time, she’s never tried. Why would she? I release her whenever she needs release, and she is always free to request to be set loose at any time. Standard cuffs provide plenty of restraint for any adventure, and therefore they are what we use most frequently.

The advantage that the locking cuffs bring is purely mental. Joy is quite aware that when they go on she will not be getting loose on her own, and the act of letting me lock her in them without knowing quite what I have planned for her can be…inspiring. The sound of the padlocks as they “snick” closed, one by one, reinforces the inspiration. I save the padlocks for last on purpose to capitalize on this, buckling each limb in place and then adding the padlocks–one, two, three, four.

With the padlock in place, the hasp of the leather buckle can no longer slide back through the slot in the leather that it extends through. The buckle cannot be opened without the padlock being removed. And tug as she likes, Joy is held fast, her arms and legs extended, open and vulnerable to whatever may come.

I like the feeling of power this provides, and Joy gets extra excitement from the accompanying feeling of helplessness. However, this reward does not come without a cost. In addition to the extra time required to insert and close the padlocks, there is risk involved. One risk would be that I might lose a key, making extradition challenging. For this reason, all of the locks are keyed the same, and I have several different copies of the key. However, a more serious risk comes from the reality that Joy cannot escape the cuffs without my assistance. What if, in the midst of an adventure, I had a heart attack and collapsed? (Lord knows she makes my heart pound!) How would she escape? You see the challenge here.

Hopefully this risk is a small one, but it is nevertheless real. And so, as I said, we save the locking gear for special occasions, when it is truly called for. In addition to the locking cuffs, we have a locking bondage belt which has proven useful. We also have a locking stock, which is a good idea, though poorly designed. We do not have a locking collar, and due to safety concerns, I’m not a fan of them–it is too easy for me to imagine some sort of choking situation and being unable to remove the collar quickly.

So our locking gear is only rarely used, and there are risks and drawbacks associated with it when we do break it out. Why have it at all? Well, I think it comes down to that lovely “snick” sound when the padlock closes. That sound makes it perfectly clear to Joy that she relies solely on me to free her, and that she has no choice but to comply with my wishes until the lock is opened. As the commercial says, that small noise is “priceless”.

Enjoy yourself,


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BDSM Product Review: Sportsheet Adjustable Tethers

Tethers and restraints aren’t the most glamorous items, I know, but they are among the most useful in a Dominant’s arsenal, at least if bondage will be part of the fun. I’ve long been looking for a way to quickly and snugly secure Joy in place–chains and cuffs are quick, but can’t easily be tightened and don’t fare well if not sized in advance. And while rope handles the sizing aspect pretty well, tying it off is not necessarily as quick a process as I’d like, and it doesn’t look…well, professional, at least not unless you’re willing to spend a lot of time on the tying process.

With that in mind, I thought I’d look for some adjustable bondage restraints, and you know what? The Sportsheet Adjustable Tethers I purchased may be the best Christmas gift I got this year! They work like a charm, and Joy and I have road tested them three times so far since the holiday with excellent results. I heartily recommend them!

For those who are interested, see the full review for more details.

Enjoy yourself,


Initial Progress Report

Three couples have gotten off to a fast start and claimed a room in the September Spanking Challenge. Congratulations to faerie and Musicman, Sir Q and his mlb, and Spanky and Kallisto for setting the pace! You can view their initial exploits on the tracking sheet, where I will be posting status updates as I receive them from all the participants.

Honors for the most unusual report so far go to faerie and Musicman, who claimed their pool-area using a wooden spoon and a gag. No word on whether they went for a refreshing dip afterwards.

A couple other challenge-related notes:

  • I’ve added an image link at the top right of the site to take you directly to the challenge home page. Hopefully this will make it easy to find info and report progress.
  • This has now come up a couple different times, so I thought I ought to clarify that it’s okay to exempt children’s rooms from the challenge. All other rooms are in-scope, however–see the rules for more information.
  • Spanky has suggested that I create an emblem or badge that participants can post on their site to show off their participation. I’ll work on that and see if I can make it available in the next couple days. It occurs to me that those who succeed in finishing their personal courses should have some sort of award they can display as well, so perhaps I’ll try to come up with something there as well.
  • Joy and I haven’t yet been able to get out of the starting gate–the timing has been poor for us. However, I suspect things are about to pick up. In the meantime, welcome to Spanking September, all. Hope everybody has fun!

    Enjoy yourself,


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Friday Adventure Idea: Serial Sex

Recipe for Serial Sex

Back in my younger days I studied a bit about electronics, and one thing I remember is the difference between serial and parallel circuits. If you plug components side-by-side into a circuit board so that electricity can flow through them all simultaneously, that’s a “parallel circuit”. On the other hand, if you plug them in one after another in a line, so that electricity must first flow through component number one before it can get to component number two, that’s placing them “in series”.

Now, before you decide you’ve somehow stumbled onto the wrong website, let’s switch our frame of reference from electricity over to sex and BDSM.

From this perspective, “in parallel” corresponds to a person servicing multiple partners at the same time. In other words, a threesome is a sexual parallel circuit, with two “components” plugged into the “circuit board” at the same time. Rather than thinking about parallel circuits, however, today’s adventure recipe focuses instead on the “serial” sexual experience. In this scenario, your submissive other half is used first by one partner, then another, and then one more. Each lover takes their pleasure in series before passing the submissive on to the next.

Stop! No, we’re not really going to invite friends over for a play party! This adventure is between you and your partner, and nobody else. However, we are going to try to give your partner at least a bit of the feeling they might have if they were used by multiple lovers, one after another. Hopefully they will enjoy themselves!

As always, I write this from the viewpoint of a male Dominant with a female submissive wife. Some specifics may change, but the general theme of the adventure holds true even if genders and roles are swapped.

You Will Need:


Dress your partner as brazenly as possible for this adventure. Break out the crotchless panties, the open tip bra, or even the corset. Help your partner to channel her inner slut (and let’s be honest–even the most proper person has an inner slut)! You, on the other hand, should wear something to cover up the strap on you put on before the start of the adventure. Pajama pants, sleep shorts, a pair of loose-fitting boxers…any of these will do.

A quick aside on the strap on: You may feel a little odd about using one of these. After all, don’t you have a perfectly good penis that you were born with? But you are about to spend what could easily be upwards of a solid hour screwing the Bejesus out of your partner. They say that the average duration of intercourse is between five and six minutes—you are going for ten times that. Your goal by the time you are through is to leave your partner in a semi-comatose, thoroughly and completely used, utterly spent and satiated state. Trust me when I tell you that the strap on will be your best friend for this activity. And fear not—your own, built-in dildo will get plenty of action at the end of the adventure. If you don’t already own a strap on, go buy one. Both you and your partner will thank me for it!

  1. Lay out your equipment while your partner is dressing. Retire somewhere out of sight and put on the strap on, pulling your pants/shorts up over it so that it’s hidden (except for the bulge it makes, of course).
  2. Begin the adventure by preheating your partner thoroughly using whatever techniques you know she likes. While preheating her, place the cuffs on her wrists and ankles.
  3. As you put the blindfold over her eyes, tell her that you expect her to be a very naughty girl tonight. Let her know that she will be used by several different men, and she will be required to give them whatever they want. Feel free to let her know that you will punish her if she does not. Tell her she should expect to be “constantly filled with cock for the next hour”. Note that you are making no serious attempt, by the way, to make her believe that this is real—rather, you are acting out a fantasy with her. Even though she is fully aware that this is not reality, the idea you’ve planted about what she is doing will add plenty of zest to the evening. The point of the blindfold is to leave her imagination free to visualize herself in the scenario.
  4. Once she is blindfolded, remove your pants/shorts. Guide her down to her knees and tell her that her first new friend is here to use her. Grasp her hair, steer her head to the strap on and make her suck it. I suggest you be just a bit rough here to help her get more fully into the scenario. Admire the sight of her lips as they glide up and down the shaft of the dildo.
  5. When you’re satisfied that she’s made the dildo good and happy, pull her up onto the bed and use the snap hooks to connect each wrist to the corresponding ankle in the classic wrists-to-ankles position. Lay her on her back and play with her body, using hands, lips and tongue to provide stimulation. When she is good and ready to service you, spread her thighs and mount her.
  6. If you haven’t used a strap on before, go slow. Depending on what size you bought (and some may be quite large!), it may very well be bigger than what she is used to. Ease deeper and deeper—her vagina will soon become willing and able to accommodate it.
  7. Ride her as long as you wish. Ask her if she likes to be fucked by a strange cock while you do so. After a short while, break out the vibrator and apply it to her clitoris. Between the strap on, the vibrator, and the lingering idea of being used by a stranger, we are not messing around here. She should be quite excited (and that’s possibly the understatement of the year).
  8. When she has climaxed at least once (go for more if you can–I recommend you spend at least 10-20 minutes moving inside her regardless), stop and take a short break. Lie on top of her, still inside, for perhaps a minute or two. Then withdraw. Tell her she is not done and that she “has another cock to service.”
  9. Turn your partner over to lay on her side, her wrists still bound to her ankles. Lie beside and behind her, so that you are “spooning”. Enter her in this position, then wrap arms around her and play with her nipples, caressing, pinching and rolling them as you thrust in and out. Ask her “Do you like to be fucked by another man right after you made the first one come inside you?” Apply the vibrator again (the angle will be awkward, so if you prefer, you can free her hands and let her use it herself while you thrust into her and play with her nipples). Your goal is to bring her to another climax. Hopefully you’ll succeed—if it doesn’t appear that you’ll be able to, you can stop, but again I’d suggest at least 10-20 minutes of sexual intercourse.
  10. When you are done, stop and take another break, remaining inside her as you lie together. After a few minutes, you can begin slowly and gently thrusting again. Tell her that you liked to watch her being used by those two other men, and now you want to have her, too.
  11. Withdraw from your partner and remove the strap on. If her hands are not already free, free them. Again grasp your partner’s hair and use it to make her suck you until you are good and ready. Then mount her in whatever position you wish and ride her forcefully. Joy and I switched over to anal sex for this third round, so that’s an option if you wish. Use the vibrator if you’d like and again do your best to bring her to another orgasm. Point out that you are now the third man she’s making come inside her in the same night. Last as long as you can before you reach your orgasm.
  12. When you are finished, cuddle her and caress her. Let her know she’s been a good girl. If you desire, tell her that you liked watching her be such a slut, coming on man after man, cock after cock, right in a row.


Obviously this is a bit of an endurance test for both you and your partner. If lubrication becomes a problem, feel free to use some additional lubricant. And if it appears that your partner is not enjoying the lengthy bouts of intercourse, go ahead and shorten them. Joy could go all night, I think, but everyone is different and the goal is to have fun, so accommodate your partner’s needs and desires as you see fit.

In addition to the option of incorporating anal sex, potential variations would include changes to the positions used and to the suggested dialog. Customize these however you like. It’s also certainly possible to incorporate a bit of spanking during the hand offs between one man and the next if desired or if your partner isn’t playing her role cooperatively enough.

With any luck, you may help your partner set a new record for most orgasms in a single night with this adventure.

Enjoy yourself,


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Blessing and a Curse

As previously documented on this site, I am a “pleaser”. I like to make Joy happy and I like to make her excited, and accomplishing these things make me both happy and excited as well. In fact, I generally place her enjoyment and arousal ahead of my own, because I know that it will, in turn, lead to my own enjoyment and arousal.

This is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to our Dominant/submissive relationship. From the blessing perspective, it means that Joy generally has fun during our adventures. It means that I take my responsibility to take care of her and keep her safe very seriously. And it means that I tend to explore down avenues that she is likely to find “interesting” when planning a scene. All of these are positive implications.

But there is a curse aspect as well. Pleasing Joy does not always lend itself well to Dominating her. Dominance carries with it the implication of making Joy submit to what I want, do the things I enjoy, and give herself over to me to use for my pleasure. Pleasing Joy by doing what she wants conflicts with this, or at least it does in theory.

For a long time, though, I thought that in reality, the conflict was insignificant. After all, my desire is to please Joy, give her pleasure, give her excitement. That is, in fact, what I want. And therefore, by doing what she wants I am doing what I want. Everyone is happy!

Doing what Joy wants, by the way, includes some non-intuitive concepts, such as occasionally giving her a sound spanking, possibly even to the point of tears, or denying her the ability to reach orgasm even though I’ve made her highly aroused. Though one would expect that acts such as these are not desirable, for Joy they are often very much needed and wanted. And so our arrangement of me wanting to please Joy could extend to include quite a surprising number of the elements of BDSM. And still, I was getting what I wanted by giving Joy what she wanted. Smiles all around!

Only you know what I discovered? The smiles didn’t work out so well. Oh, we smiled at first, but after awhile we seemed to get out of synch. After awhile the bondage and spankings that used to make us thrilled with each other didn’t have the same effect. And gradually, over time, I came to see the reason behind our slide into discontent.

What Joy wants most of all is to be Dominated and made to submit. She wants to feel overpowered and taken and helpless to resist. And all the trappings of bondage and paddling and rituals and rules we employ are only decoration on the fringes of that basic desire. The underlying problem we encountered was that Joy slowly came to understand what I was doing, that I was giving her what she wanted. And slowly she realized that she could control what we did through her reactions to it. If she didn’t want something, she could simply not like it and she was off the hook.

Now, Joy is a good sport and she wants to play our sexual reindeer games as much or more than I do, and so she didn’t abuse this power she discovered. Whether consciously or unconsciously, she chose to use it judiciously, but even so, she understood that she had control. That knowledge ate away at the foundations of our BDSM relationship and led to a net decline in our happiness.
And so I was forced to come to terms with the idea that my slick compromise in which everyone was happy didn’t really work. It didn’t truly satisfy Joy’s strongest, most basic desire—to surrender control. And that meant that I had to change.

Oh, I am still a pleaser. That’s part of my basic nature and I can’t change that about myself. But I have found a way to reconcile my pleaser self with the idea of taking control away from Joy. You see, I’ve discovered that it’s more important to please Joy’s basic desire for Domination than it is to satisfy her individual likes and dislikes for various activities and situations. I still give Joy what she wants, but it is on a higher plane, a macro level, rather than on the level of “Ouch, my nipples hurt! The clamps are too tight!”

Pleasing Joy on this higher level requires different behavior from me. It requires me to say things like, “Do it anyway,” or “No, I’m not going to stop until I’m ready.” It requires me to give Joy instructions and expect her to follow them, to praise her if she succeeds, but hold her accountable if she fails. And it requires me to sometimes make her do things she does not want to do. Because in an odd way, being made to do something she does not want to do is exactly what she desires.

Enjoy yourself,


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