Archive for category BDSM Apparel

A Few Thoughts on Lingerie for BDSM

You know what I hate? I hate when you have a post all written, you’ve edited it three times to catch every typo, and you save it off to post later. And then you do something really dumb that overwrites the entire post. Poof! Gone. That’s what I hate. Today you get a repost of a column I wrote long ago. Guess why!

If I say “BDSM lingerie” to you, what image springs to mind? Bet I can guess! I bet the color is black (could be red, but I bet black) and the material is either leather or latex. And I bet the garments you think of will be corsets, garter belts and stockings…probably fishnet. Am I right?

I may not be exactly on target, but I’m probably very close. This is because there is a traditional subset of lingerie that is associated with bondage and BDSM, and most people’s minds immediately head down that traditional path. In this post, I’d like to provide some practical hints surrounding the traditional BDSM lingerie items. However, bear in mind that lingerie’s primary purpose in life is decorative, and decoration is a matter of taste. Nothing says you need to stay on that traditional path all the time! In fact, there’s a very fruitful alternative road you can take that’s all about innocence…think white lacy bras and panties…but that’s a subject for another day.

In general, traditional BDSM lingerie items include corsets, bras, panties, stockings and garter belts. Black definitely tends to dominate the color schemes, but sometimes red might make an appearance, and other colors can show up occasionally. The common materials used to make BDSM lingerie include many types of fabric (from silk to cotton to various polyesters), leather and latex. Here is some brief, high-level commentary from a BDSM perspective on the options for each particular type of lingerie item, plus some information to consider when combining that item with bondage play:

Corsets: This is probably the lingerie item most strongly associated with BDSM and bondage. The original purpose of the corset was to compress the waist of a female wearer and emphasize her hips and chest, creating the hourglass figure that was the epitome of beauty at that time (hence the alternate name–”waist cincher”). Laces on the side or at the back enabled the wearer (or more likely, someone assisting the wearer) to tighten the garment. Corsets were often (though not always) worn under a dress, and designed to be invisible beneath it. Today, of course, that’s no longer usually the case–in a BDSM scene, any dress covering a corset is likely to be quickly removed.

Corsets come in many types of fabric, as well as leather and latex. As usual, most are black or red, but you can get them in lots of colors if you look around. The type with laces for tightening is still available–Joy owns two of them, and they’re my favorites. Note that the lace-up kind generally require someone else to assist the wearer to get them on properly, but that’s really not a drawback. I kind of like tightening the laces behind Joy’s back, then taking up a little more slack to tighten them even further. However, if you need something that is quicker and easier to put on, there are many other options that dispense with the laces in favor of other types of fastenings, though sometimes at the expense of being able to use leverage to get the corset good and tight.

They also come in several different widths. Narrow ones can simply go around the waist, essentially acting as a very wide belt. The other extreme is a corset that covers from below the waist to up over the breasts, and has a brassiere built in. Personally, though, I prefer the ones that extend from waist just up to the bottom of the wearer’s breasts. They look like a serious corset, but at the same time, leave the breasts exposed for attention above, and the naughty bits exposed for attention below. It’s a real win to be able to attach nipple clamps and get down to serious business while the corset remains in place!

Because the corset is made to compress the wearer’s waist, when fastened tightly it creates a state of constant tension, especially as the wearer moves around. Therefore, it’s important to get a well-made garment that can stand up to the stress. In other words, this is a place where it’s a wise idea to spend a little extra to ensure that you get the necessary quality.

Brassieres: In the real world, a brassiere serves a serious purpose. However, in the BDSM world, its appearance tends to trump it’s function, so I’m going to focus primarily on look, feel and bondage considerations.

Naturally bras can come in a huge variety of materials and colors. Bondage-themed bras, however, are often made from leather or latex. Again, the standard color is black, but other colors (especially red) can easily be found. Bondage bras often sport ornamental flourishes such as studs, laces, chains or zippers. My suggestion would be to buy whatever color, material and ornamented models appeal to you and your partner (and consider getting matching panties, too–there’s nothing like a matched set). Generally I tend to prefer when Joy wears either leather or thin, smooth fabric, such as silk. I’m not a fan of lace or padded bras for bondage purposes because I want to be able to really feel the breast through the bra when it’s in my hand.

I only have one other piece of advice on bras for bondage use, but it’s an important one: Remember that the standard bra has a strap that comes over each shoulder to help support it! Why does that matter? Well, because once you have your partner’s arms bound, you will not be able to remove the bra without unbinding their arms, and that can be a real interruption when you’re right in the thick of things and want to attach those nipple clamps again! (And yes, I know you can unfasten the bra and leave it hanging on the straps to enable nipple access, but come on…does a bra hanging by straps really look good or fit into the scenario you’re playing out?)

To solve this problem, you have three options:

  1. Go Strapless: If you have a strapless bra, then there are no shoulder straps. No shoulder straps, no problem! True, you still have to remove the bra, but it’s easy and requires no unbinding. However, finding a strapless, bondage-themed bra can be challenging. Oh, they’re out there, but few and far between, so selection may be limited.
  2. Halter Bra: A halter bra replaces the shoulder straps with a a loop that comes up behind the wearer’s neck for support. Some loops tie behind the neck, and others just lift off over the head. To remove, simply untie (or lift off)–since the arms aren’t encircled, there’s no need to unbind. Again, problem solved! However, halter bras aren’t particularly common either, and finding a good one for BDSM may be difficult.
  3. Cupless, Half and Peek-a-boo Bras: IMHO, these provide the best option. Each one offers some measure of support, but leaves the breasts relatively accessible for all kinds of delicious play.
    • A cupless bra essentially frames each breast with fabric, leather or latex, but leaves the entire breast itself bare. Breast support is limited, but the overall appearance can be very good indeed, and accessibility is excellent.
    • A half bra offers more breast support as the bottom half of the cup remains to provide lift. However, the top half of the cup is missing, leaving the nipple available for touching, kissing or clamping. I find leather models particularly attractive.
    • A peek-a-boo bra provides the most support, as it retains the entire cup. However, a hole has been cut out of the center of each cup, allowing the nipple to poke through. Accessibility is limited to pretty much the nipple itself, but that is balanced by the appearance, which can be devastatingly sexy.

    The partial bra solution is definitely my favorite of the three, though each has its place. By going with one of the three types of partial bras, you get the benefit of instant breast access while at the same time keeping the decorative aspect that wearing a bra brings.

Panties: Panties for BDSM come in a variety of materials, including all types of fabrics, leather and latex. Ornamental flourishes can encompass all the same things we saw with bras, including zippers, laces, studs and chains. As a matter of fact, my very favorite pair of Joy’s panties are a leather pair that laces up the back, greatly highlighting the exquisite shape of Joy’s rear end!

Though normal bondage-themed panties can look wonderful, and every couple practicing BDSM should have several pairs, they also present a problem. The problem with standard issue panties is that they cover up so many wonderful parts of the wearer’s body! Because of this they tend to be removed early in a BDSM scene, and the wonderful decorative touch they bring is lost at that point. Add to this the idea that, like a bra, if you bind the wearer while they are wearing them, you’ll need to unbind them (their legs at least) to remove the panties, and you can see we have a real challenge to solve!

Fortunately, panty manufacturers have come up with a solution–the crotchless panty! Crotchless panties have come a long way, and they now are available in a variety of models and types. Some have ties or snaps to undo when access is desired, and some simply leave the genitals exposed and vulnerable. Whatever type you choose, you should be able to leave the panties on during both BDSM and vanilla sex without worrying, thus realizing the benefits of decoration and access to genitalia at the same time! This is a real win, and I highly recommend you pick up a few pairs of crotchless panties if you don’t already have some.

When it comes to selecting a pair of crotchless panties, you should be guided by your taste and that of your partner–in other words, buy what you like. The one consideration I’d suggest factoring in is the size of the opening in the crotch. Sometimes the opening isn’t large enough, and can cause friction issues when you are engaging in intercourse. Also, sometimes the opening doesn’t extend far enough back to allow access to the rear entry, so if you engage in anal sex, you’ll need to think about that.

Garters and Stockings: Many people like the look of a sleek leg encased in a nylon stocking. However, like panties, standard issue pantyhose cover up some very important parts of the body–places you might like to be more accessible! To solve this problem, consider looking at a garter belt and pair of stockings.

Because the garter belt goes around the waist and the stockings attach via straps that run down the leg, the wearer’s genitals are exposed and available. In addition, a good garter belt and stockings can be decorative indeed! Garter belts can be found in all sorts of colors and types, and the stockings themselves offer everything from plain, sheer nylon to fishnet to decorative patterns. One important point to note that many wearers get wrong–if you’re going to wear panties with the stockings, they either need to be crotchless, or they need to be worn over the garters, not under! If you wear them underneath, you re-introduce all the access options we were trying to solve!

Of course, there are other options for stockings–you can use the standard garter that goes around the leg at the top of the stocking, or the kind with an elastic band built in that keeps the stocking up. However, while these work, they lose the extra decorative benefit of a garter belt, plus they can become uncomfortable for the wearer after awhile.

Okay, that about covers our quick tour of lingerie for BDSM usage. Obviously there are many styles and items that were not mentioned–this post is long enough as it is without trying to cover everything! However, hopefully the brief survey provides food for creative thought as you think about your next play session.

Enjoy Yourself!

Jake

The Trouble with Latex

Around about this past Christmas, I developed a bit of an interest in latex…particularly latex clothing. I’m not sure where the interest comes from exactly—it’s got something to do with the way latex clings so close to the human body, molding itself like a second skin, and the thought that it wraps close around the body of the wearer, enclosing them tightly in its elastic grasp. I hadn’t had much inclination prior to this, but on a flyer, I bought a pair of black, latex panties for Joy.

Now, Joy has a lovely ass, and I had great confidence that her behind would look quite scrumptious covered in smooth, black latex. But being Jake, I wasn’t satisfied with settling solely for the decorative aspect of things. Therefore, the panties I bought came with a built-in, internal vibrating dildo. My thought was that I’d put Joy in those panties with the dildo fully inserted, bind her hands at her neck or overhead, and then power up the vibrator. The tight-fitting panties would keep it in place, and Joy would be unable to free herself from their confinement. This seemed like a recipe for all kinds of fun for both of us!

And, in fact, it worked…at least somewhat. Joy did enjoy the feeling of being full, all tingly from the vibrations, and tightly encased. Her butt looked smashing in the panties. And more than that, the thin latex covering and close fit allowed me to apply a second vibrator to her vulva from the outside, enabling extra stimulation. It was a fun evening, but all in all, I have to say that I found latex’s downsides discouraging, and because of that, we haven’t employed these panties since. Here are the issues I encountered:

  • Latex has an unpleasant, chemical odor (and taste, by the way). Even after cleaning the smell lingers, and it can be transmitted to the body wearing it. It’s not incredibly strong, and my nose isn’t particularly sensitive, but it’s noticeable and a bit off-putting.
  • When you see latex clothing in an online ad or on a model, it’s nice and bright and shiny. However, in reality, one must spent time maintaining it to keep it that way. There’s such a thing as latex polish, and without it being applied, the material looks dusty and dull, losing that bright, attractive shine. Take a look at the picture I added to this post to see what I mean, and note that it’s hard to see the dustiness in the small image, so it’s actually worse than it looks.
  • Though the latex is thin and clings tightly to Joy’s bottom, it nevertheless interferes with spanking. Afterwards, Joy told me that she could hardly feel the paddle coming down across her buttocks. She did not have this same problem with feeling the external vibrator, however, likely because it doesn’t rely on sudden impact which the latex can diffuse.
  • Because it stretches and clings so tightly, latex can be difficult to put on. The panties have to fit tightly to avoid wrinkles and bagging, so it requires some effort to work them over the thighs and hips and snug them into place.
  • Latex clothing is also relatively expensive. A pair of panties won’t break the bank, but going beyond that gets pretty pricey, pretty quick.

Honestly, the biggest issue is probably the smell. If it weren’t for that, I could probably work around the other things, but I don’t know what can be done about the odor. If somebody out there were to invent a non-aromatic latex, I think I could become a convert. As it is…well, latex still has its theoretical appeal, and it can look quite erotic in pictures, but I’m afraid I’ll leave it alone in real life.

Of course, my experience with latex is limited. All you latex aficionados feel free to share tips or alternatives, and I’ll certainly be willing to consider them!

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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Useful, But Obsure

While I am a guy and shopping usually isn’t my forte, one thing that I do enjoy shopping for is bondage equipment. Every so often I’ll go visit the sites for the Stockroom or Extreme Restraints just to see what’s new and different, and to check if anything in particular catches my eye that we simply must add to our collection. Just my little contribution to the economy, I suppose.

Early last year during a virtual shopping trip I came across an item that has become a staple for Joy and I, and it’s uncommon enough that I thought it might be interesting to write about. The idea for the product is simple, but few manufacturers seem to make them, and I don’t understand why. Perhaps no one knows about them? Well, all the more reason for me to write a post…

The product I’m talking about is our bondage belt. The lovely model in the picture (image courtesy of Extreme Restraints.) is wearing one around her waist. This belt is attractive and comfortable enough that Joy has worn it out in public as part of an outfit. It’s made of thick, black, padded leather (natch) and has shiny, metal d-ring connection points at each hip and behind the back, some nice shiny rivets holding the pieces of leather together, and a buckle at the front to hold it closed. Oh, and a fun and important point–the buckle is made to accept a padlock, just to be sure it won’t come unbuckled without express permission.

Why use a bondage belt? (insert evil chuckle here) Well, we find many uses for ours:

  • The D-ring at the back makes a quick and efficient point to cuff Joy’s hands to when they need to be out of the way behind her. A quick “snick, snick” and Joy’s hands are restrained.
  • The D-ring at each hip offers an interesting pair of locations for connection points, allowing me to cuff Joy’s hands at her sides. This is a particular favorite position of mine, as it positions her hands where they are visible and she can almost interpose them, but not quite. It’s kind of a tease, I suppose, akin to holding something just out of reach, so it tantalizes but cannot be attained.
  • The belt is thick enough to act almost as a waist cincher, providing a nice, tight, closed-in feeling when it is worn. Joy enjoys feeling it fit snugly around her waist.
  • The locking buckle provides an extra edge of excitement. There’s just something about the sound of a padlock closing that sends a shiver of anticipation up Joy’s back.

Of course, you can use it as a tie-off point for various rope bondage positions as well. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a rope guy, but I could certainly see the connection points proving useful if I was.

Despite all these practical advantages, however, I have to say that the number one benefit this belt provides is the way it looks. Seeing Joy wearing the belt and nothing else with her hands cuffed to her sides is a sight to behold. Or perhaps she could wear a pair of stockings…the kind that stay up on their own with the built in garters. Now that’s a good idea!

Anyway, the bottom line is that we both like our bondage belt, and I’m not sure why they don’t appear to see more widespread use. Seems to me most folks could use one hanging in their playroom wardrobe beside the corsets. You know, the wardrobe where you keep the high heeled leather boots and the red FMPs…

Hmmm…stockings with built in gartners…I don’t think Joy owns any of these, and they could really come in handy! Maybe I better go shopping to see if I can find her a pair…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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My Favorite Panties

Before I start, I probably ought to clarify that I mean “my favorite panties for Joy to wear”. For my own personal attire, my tastes run more toward boxer-briefs than panties.

Let’s be honest–I love leather. I love the way it looks, I love the way it feels, and I love the way it smells when it gets warm. I also love the primitive feeling it evokes when I see it made into a garment. Fortunately, Joy feels the same way, and because of this, we own lots of leather stuff…a leather collar, a leather blindfold, leather corsets, a leather bra, and naturally, assorted leather cuffs.

We also own several pairs of leather panties. Now, leather isn’t an obvious material for panties in many ways. It doesn’t breathe well, for one thing, you can’t toss it in the washing machine, and it tends to be hard to avoid panty-lines when wearing it. Because of this, leather panties almost always fall into the category of special occasion “decoration” rather than serving as a typical, wear-them-all-day items. Nonetheless, there are many different makes and models of leather panties available if you do some looking around.

We purchased my favorite panties from JTs Stockroom last year, and we’ve used them many times since then. Surprisingly, they are not crotchless (our experience so far with crotchless leather panties has been poor) but I love them dearly just the same. Joy’s rear end looks absolutely scrumptious in them, and I mean that word “scrumptious” literally, as in “good enough to eat”. They are black (my favorite because it carries such a dark connotation and because it looks great against Joy’s pale skin), and while the front is featureless, smooth leather, the other side is different. The panties lace up the back, and there is something about those laces and the way they frame Joy’s tender ass that absolutely drives me crazy whenever she wears them.

The problem with non-crotchless panties in most bondage positions is that you have to remove them before immobilizing your partner or they will tend to get in the way when festivities commence, if you know what I mean. I very much like to place Joy in bondage, and because of this, our modus operandi when Joy wears these it so stick to hands-only positions, such as bound overhead to the hook-eye in our playroom ceiling. That way I can keep the panties on her for a nice long time and admire the view before I finally reach the point where removal is required.

Even though these panties are incredibly hot to look at, there’s no denying that they are leather and therefore not really suitable for long-term wear. Plus, imagine the panty-lines those laces would make! Therefore, though we break them out frequently, once the scene is over they go back into storage to wait for the next time–they don’t get worn around the neighborhood.

Though most lingerie gets old after the novelty has worn off and gets tossed in the back of the drawer to give the newer purchases pride of place in the erotic-wear collection, these panties have stood the test of time. When I instruct Joy how to dress for an adventure, I keep coming back to these panties every month or so…the sight of her wearing them and nothing else simply calls out to me.

Hmmm…what do you know? I seem to have talked myself into changing our adventure tonight so that we can incorporate these panties into it. Something a little darker than what I originally had in mind, I think. Anyway, I’ve rhapsodized about my favorite panties long enough. Suffice it to say that if you like leather, I couldn’t recommend these more highly.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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No Fumbles

In a recent comment, Conina mentioned that her husband hates “fumbling around” with equipment when they are in the middle of…well, you can probably guess what they would be in the middle of. And I have to say that I share her husband’s sentiment. You spend all this time building up excitement and arousal to a fever pitch, and then…pop! You hear that hissing sound? That’s the sound of the air going out of the balloon. That’s the sound that you hear as some sort of equipment problem or awkwardness gets in the way, deflating your Dominance and your partner’s submission, and letting that hard-earned excitement escape into the ether.

Obviously this isn’t a happy situation, and therefore it’s one I try hard to avoid. Over the years, mostly by trial and error, I have learned a few lessons about how to minimize the fumbling problem as much as possible. Here are the rules I try to live by:

  1. Be prepared! Yes, it’s the Boy Scout motto, but it’s also a good rule for Dominants to follow. In this case, “be prepared” means decide what toys and equipment you will need for your adventure in advance, then lay them out so that they’ll be immediately available when you need them. Not only will this reduce fumbling, but it will also help keep you on track if you’re a planner like I am. I’ve even gone so far as to lay items out left to right, in order of use. That way, I can start from the left and move on through until the scene is complete, and I won’t accidentally forget, for instance, that I wanted Joy blindfolded before I broke out the penis gag.

    One disadvantage of laying things out in advance is that they are visible to your partner, which can tend to ruin your ability to leverage surprise to heighten excitement. However, there’s an easy answer to that problem—simply cover the row of equipment you want to keep hidden, so that your partner can’t see the gleaming stainless steel of the Rope Master you plan to break out once the panties are down and the blindfold is on.

    If you’re not a planner, however, what do you do? What if you prefer to be more spontaneous? My personal suggestion would be to plan as much as you can anyway—otherwise, a certain amount of fumbling becomes inevitable. Consider at least laying out a selection of equipment that you think might be interesting so that you can easily locate what you need. There’s nothing worse than being one snap hook short and having to go digging through drawers to find one while your partner waits, half-bound and impatient. Alternatively, choose a scenario that doesn’t require equipment.

  2. Advance preparation pays off when it comes to dress and and various items you wear as well. If you have a leather harness that you feel fits the mood you want to set for the evening, don it before you begin. It’s not usually much fun for your partner to wait while you struggle to put it on. If you believe it’s best to keep your outfit discretely hidden until you’re ready to show it off, wear clothing over it. Taking clothes off can be done it a jiffy, much faster than putting them on.

    If you are going to leverage a strap-on during your playtime, put that on before you being, too. You can wear pants over it as well if you want to keep it out of sight—just be sure to pick a pair that doesn’t fit too tightly. This way you are ready to go as soon as the moment to employ your add-on tool arrives—no waiting to pull it up and tighten the straps!

  3. Consider your partner’s dress too! Make sure what they wear fits into your plans. For instance, suppose you plan to bind your partner hand and foot spread-eagled on the bed, place clamps on their nipples and then give them a slow and thorough fucking. If they begin the scene dressed in a full body corset with gaters and stockings on over their panties, you’re going to run into some obstacles. The corset will block access to their nipples and interfere with the clamps. The panties will get in the way when it comes time for intercourse, and you won’t be able to remove them without first removing the garter and stockings. And nothing is going to be able to come off without first releasing your partner’s limbs from the bedframe. All of this untying and retying takes time and interrupts the flow of your adventure!

    However, if you ensure that your partner is appropriately dressed, you can avoid this hazard. Consider peek-a-boo or cupless bras and crotchless panties in the above scenario. They can still prove ornamental, but will not interfere with any of the activities you have planned. No time need be wasted with detaching and reattaching–you can proceed straight through from start to finish with no loss of momentum.

In short, I guess that my advice to avoid the fumbling problem is to look ahead at the details of your scene as you envision them, and mentally walk through the steps you and your partner will follow from beginning to end. Look for possible problems and note the props and equipment you need. Lay out your equipment in advance, and take steps to avoid the potential problems you identified during your mental walkthrough. If you follow this process, you should be successful in greatly reducing the number of fumbling incidents you encounter.

Plus, let’s be honest. It’s lots of fun to walk through the scene you’re planning in advance in your head. What better to think about?

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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