We possess quite an impressive BDSM equipment/toy arsenal here at Jake and Joy’s. We own all sorts of vibrators, a collection of dildos and harnesses, as well as plentiful paddles, floggers, straps and other tools for corporal punishment. Joy keeps a variety of interesting outfits in her drawers and closets, ranging from lace to leather to latex. I have an entire dresser devoted to housing hoods, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, chains, adjustable tie-downs and connectors, and in the back closet we keep the larger or less-commonly used items, such as the Liberator Wedge, the inflatable, bouncing ball with attached dildo, and our blow-up friend and sometime threesome companion, Sophia.
You know what I realized the other day, though? Out of all these various types of equipment, the single item that we have the largest quantity and variety of is the butt plug.
Let’s differentiate between a plug and an anal Dildo for a moment. When shopping online, the distinction I’m about to draw isn’t so clear—many items are sold as plugs when I would consider them dildos. But for me, a plug is designed to be inserted into and remain in the wearer’s bottom, whereas a dildo is designed to be inserted and either held in place or thrust in and out. If left unattended, the dildo will naturally fall out, while the plug left on its own should stay nestled firmly in place.
We have many different models of plug. Some are large and intimidating (though employed at the right moment, literally breathtaking in their effect). Others are designed for long-term wear, or made to fit inside at a specific angle. Some are shaped to duplicate a penis, whereas others are less literal. A few vibrate, one simulates a thrusting motion, and we even have a lovely glass model with a handle that is used to rotate the plug once it is inserted.
Each of these models has its own purpose, its own time and place for usage. Today, however, I thought I’d talk about the most frequent way we use a butt plug, and the benefits it provides.
One common instruction I give Joy in the evenings is to insert a plug. Sometimes I’ll text her this instruction as I leave work, so that she can have the plug in place before I get home. Sometimes I’ll wait until after dinner and tell her to go choose a favorite and bring it to me. When she does, I’ll require her to pull her panties down to her ankles, bend over my knee and raise her skirt, baring her bottom for me so that I can insert it myself. Occasionally we’ve even made it a requirement for a week or so for Joy to wear a plug every single night, and she has been expected to put it in herself as soon as she gets back to the house after work.
Once the plug has been inserted, she is to wear it for the rest of the evening, until I remove it when we go to bed. This is a requirement regardless of what we are doing—we may be going out to dinner, or to a movie, or simply staying home and relaxing in front of the TV. It doesn’t matter which of these activities our evening holds—the plug stays in.
So at this point, you may be asking yourself, “Why? What’s the purpose?” Well, as is often the case in BDSM, there are several different purposes to this single act. A Dominant may require their partner to wear a plug because…
- It reinforces the Dominant/submissive aspect of their relationship. The Dominant is requiring their partner to insert an object into their anus, an act they likely wouldn’t decide to do on their own. The submissive is expected to comply with this requirement. If a certain amount of obeisance is necessary to comply, such as the sub removing their own panties and bending over to expose their bare bottom, the D/s dynamic is increased.
- The physical act of wearing a plug can be exciting. Joy craves the feeling of having her bottom filled, and a medium-to-large plug fills her rather nicely. When well lubricated, the plug has a tendency to move slightly in Joy’s body as she moves, especially when she sits down or stands up.
- The plug tends to focus the wearer’s thoughts on their body, their relationship, and their partner. Even a small plug is intrusive, and it calls attention to itself. Joy has sometimes worn one of her more comfortable plugs for as long as five or six hours at a stretch, and she informs me that it never lets her forget that it is there. When the submissive partner is constantly aware that the plug is in place, they have no choice but to be aware why it is there, what may happen when it is removed, and who is going to remove it.
- Consistently wearing a plug stretches the wearer’s anal ring, enabling them to take larger objects into their rear end. When we first started experimenting with plugs, I was skeptical that this would prove true—I thought it was more of an urban legend than fact. However, there is no longer any doubt in my mind. When Joy “practices” in this way, she can accommodate something larger, and it is quite thrilling to her to feel her tight little rosebud stretch as it is penetrated by an object that truly fills her. Note that the accompanying legend, that the anal ring remains loose allowing for leakage and incontinence, has not proven true. I had long ago read that this worry was fiction rather than fact, and our experiences have confirmed this. Joy has had no issues with being “loose”, despite our frequent use of her behind.
Together, these four reasons are compelling, at least in our house, and they explain why we make such frequent use of plugs. If you would like to follow suit, here are some tips that I’ve learned over time to help make the experience more generally satisfying for both you and your partner.
- Be aware that there is a limit to how long a plug may be tolerable for the wearer. When a submissive initially takes in a reasonably-sized plug, it may be slightly painful, but their bottom will quickly become accustomed to it, and it should begin to feel both exciting and comfortable inside. After awhile, however, the feeling will change from comfortable to tolerable (though hopefully the exciting will remain). And awhile after that, even tolerable will begin to fray around the edges and transition to painful. Generally, the larger the plug, the quicker this transition will take place. Plentiful, good quality lubrication helps extend the time limit, and practice can help extend the duration over time as well.
Because of this, it’s a good idea to start short in duration and small in size, and gradually increase size and duration as desired. In addition, I suggest that you allow the wearer to have an option to bail out if necessary. Joy and I have an agreement that if the plug begins to hurt, she can ask to remove it.
- Don’t start out with a large plug. If the plug you are using is too large for your partner, it will be difficult to insert, and if you try to force it, it will hurt when it goes in. You can even tear your partner’s anal ring if you go too far. Therefore, start small. Work up to larger plugs gradually. And be guided by your partner’s reactions. If they say it hurts too much, believe them and stop!
Even when the wearer is practiced at taking an anal plug, it’s a good idea to start an evening with a smaller model, and if desired, transition to a larger plug a little later. Starting small allows the submissive’s ass to relax and become used to being plugged, thereby making accommodation of the larger plug easier. In addition, the brief respite as you transition from small to large can allow your partner’s anus to recover a bit, enabling them to once again enjoy the sensation as you insert something that thoroughly and deeply penetrates them.
- A well-shaped plug has a larger shaft, but tapers to a narrower diameter as it approaches the base, then flares out again. The narrow diameter area allows the wearer’s anal ring to close tightly around it, while the larger shaft prevents the plug from slipping out by accident and the wide base serves to keep the plug from vanishing entirely inside the wearer’s ass. The shape of the base matters as well—bear in mind that the wearer will likely need to be able to sit comfortably with the plug in place.
Some plugs, even though narrow at the base as described above, have a tendency to work their way out of the wearer’s bottom. If this proves to be the case, one good remedy is to require the submissive partner to wear thong panties. The strap of the thong will fit over the base of the plug, keeping it settled firmly into place.Both diameter and length matter when it comes to a plug, but diameter tends to be the more important measurement as long as the length is kept reasonable. A small plug may have a diameter as big around as a finger—large ones can be substantially bigger. The easiest plugs to insert tend to have a narrower tip—bear that in mind when just beginning.
- The lubrication really matters. Use good quality lubricant, and plenty of it. I suggest rubbing it all over the plug as well as using a finger to insert some inside the wearer’s ass hole before insertion. In my opinion, the single best anal lubricant is Crisco—it provides excellent lubrication and lasts a good long while. However, if the submissive is female, be careful that none get into hervagina—it can lead to infection.
If you prefer to go with a product specifically made for anal use, there are many options to choose from. After some experimentation, Joy and I tend to stay away from the ones that provide extra stimulation (either “warming” or “cooling”) and instead focus on those that provide good, long-lasting slipperiness. Though water-based products can be excellent for traditional anal sex, they often don’t last very well—I’d suggest going a different direction for plugging.
It’s always a good idea to make the process of plug removal even more fun than insertion. Wearing a plug is great preparation for full-on anal sex—the wearer’s bottom is already relaxed and ready to be taken. However, any other sex acts can work as well, and they can be combined with other activities (spanking, perhaps, since we’re already centered on the submissive’s behind?) that you both find exciting. Whatever you choose, providing some thrills when it’s time for the plug to come out ensures that your partner will look forward to it the next time you instruct them to put the plug in…