Well, just thought I’d post a quick note to report that the letter “A” last weekend went quite nicely. Alexander’s Sister, our cocktail choice, is probably more of an after dinner drink, but Joy liked it, and I must confess that I did as well. Think alcoholic grasshopper pie, or for those who are familiar, a Shamrock Shake with a kick to it, and you’ll be in the right ballpark. And as to the other “A”? Well, it was well-received all around also.

As you are aware, Joy and I have been struggling through some issues with Dominance and submission lately. They are by no means resolved, though we have made some headway. Therefore, I chose the BDSM activity represented by the letter “A” very carefully. Anal sex is one of Joy’s very favorite things…arguably, you could say it is her favorite thing…and so I was confident that she’d be enthusiastic. I wanted to be very careful to pick something that would move us forward and not set us back, and doing it up the rear end was exactly the ticket.

Joy and I have had to overcome obstacles before, and one of the things I’ve learned is patience. After we’ve taken a few steps back, it does not pay to try to recover them all at once when things start to turn around. I’m sure you are thinking, “Well, of course it doesn’t!”, but I know from my own experience that it’s very tempting to attempt to jump right back where you were before things went awry. After all–you’ve already been there! Surely there’s no reason why you can’t just pick up where you left off…

But there is a reason. Somewhere in there, something went off the rails. In the process of going off the rails, it caused collateral damage to your relationship. It could be that trust has been weakened between you and your partner. It could be that trust between you two has weakened. Or, it could be that the trust you share has been weakened.

Or you might have a trust problem.

As you can probably tell, I believe that anytime something like this occurs, trust is impacted. This can happen in a number of ways–it’s possible that your partner feels left out or let down, it might be that your partner believes that you lost control of yourself and placed them at risk, it might be that they doubt your love for them, or it might be that they no longer believe you are capable of Dominating them. There are any number of ways that doubt can creep in, but all of them involve lack of trust.

In my case, I’m still not quite certain what caused this issue between us, but just as a doctor who does not know the root cause of a fever can nonetheless treat the symptom, I know something that will help. When trust is flawed, one must go with the tried and true activities, the favorites, the acts and actions that bring excitement into the room but leave fear waiting outside the door. For Joy, anal sex definitely fits into that category, and so this weekend we inched forward another inch, and put another stitch or two into the torn trust that lies between us.

Going fast will only lead to fear and hurt and anger, and the trust will be torn still further–perhaps irreparably. But taking one’s time and savoring each small step together…that leads to warmth and love and excitement. That leads to Joy.

Enjoy yourself,


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