I’m aware that the idea of helpless orgasm overlaps substantially with the “forced orgasm” concept. However, I’ve never really liked that term very much. It implies that the orgasm is not desired, that it’s being created against the recipient’s will. Within the boundaries of consensual BDSM (and within my own moral code), using force to inflict something that they don’t want on someone is wrong and not to be tolerated. Therefore, I prefer the term “helpless orgasm”, to leave room for the idea that the activities that lead up to the orgasm are desired, while at the same time making clear that the recipient loses control of their body and cannot prevent themselves from climaxing.
Helpless orgasm holds great power for both the giver and the receiver. I frequently try to place Joy in this state, and after years of practice, quite often succeed. Sometimes this success manifests itself when Joy is in a severely constrained position with little freedom of movement, a blindfold over her eyes and a penis gag in her mouth. Spanking or nipple clamps may be involved as well. In this case, when she is so tightly bound, her orgasm seems to almost sneak up on her. Despite her position, her body responds quickly and drastically, and she bucks and twists violently against her bonds.
At other times, I achieve success with a more gradual approach, binding Joy’s arms and legs out and apart so that she cannot interfere, and then slowly leading her body to build up and up to a climax. Rather than stopping there, however, I continue, bringing her to climax again and then again, making her wiggle and thrash in her cuffs, until she begs, “No more, no more”.
The magic in these situations comes from the same source that underlies all Dominant behavior—power. If I can bring Joy to orgasm despite the chains that bind her, despite the gag that stops her from talking, despite the pain that the crop or the clamps inflict on her, and keep her there for longer than she thinks she can stand it, I truly have taken control of her body. The physical sensations I have given her have overridden her conscious mind’s control of herself. She’s beyond thought, and is fully in the grasp of the excitement and arousal I have caused within her. At that point, I truly dominate her, and she has fully submitted to me.
What can you do to help achieve this state with your partner? Well, the first requirement is a relationship of trust. If trust is not present, then your submissive partner’s mind will not relinquish its hold, and fear, rather than excitement, will predominate. Your partner must desire to be with you and be willing to let you place them in a situation where they feel powerless (see again the difference between helpless and forced orgasms).
The second requirement is helplessness. There are many ways to provide a partner with a feeling of helplessness, but bondage probably offers the simplest solution. Restrain their arms so that they cannot interfere with your touch. Restrain their legs so that they cannot move away and cannot close them to impede access to their genitals. More helplessness will make the experience stronger, but keeping hands away and thighs apart is usually sufficient.
And finally, you must give your partner pleasure. How you do this is up to you, but I recommend you make your choice based on what you know your partner likes. Certainly use your hands, your mouth, your tongue, and whatever other body parts you choose, but consider other options as well. Remember that in this case, your pleasure must take a back seat to your partner’s, so guys, if you’re one-shot and done like most men, hold your fire! It can sometimes take awhile for your partner to relax sufficiently to be able to reach their climax, especially if this is new to them, so whatever you do, ensure that you don’t beat them to the finish. If you don’t already own a vibrator, get one. And if you’ve already got one but have never used it together, now’s the time to start.
If this is your partner’s first time feeling helpless like this, they may not be comfortable enough to reach orgasm. That’s okay—just make sure they have fun during the experience so that you have a chance to try again. After a little practice, when they’re better able to relax, you’ll very probably have more luck. Also, when you do succeed, be aware that helpless orgasms can be very powerful, especially if you don’t stop with one but continue on for repeat performances. When you have finished, your partner may feel quite drained. If you haven’t taken your own pleasure, you may need to give them some recovery time before they are ready for you.
So, do you want to know what to give your partner for their birthday? Or your anniversary? Or for the upcoming Christmas holidays? Sure, you can give them a sweater, or a tie, or some new earrings. But how about a helpless orgasm? It doesn’t cost a thing, and I bet they like it best of all…