I have written product reviews for a variety of vibrators that Joy and I frequently use during our adventures together. However, it occurred to me that some folks new to the world of bondage and BDSM might have questions about this. Why would you need a vibrator in the first place? Isn’t BDSM more about tying someone up and spanking them? Experienced practicioners are already well aware of the value a vibrator, but if you’re not so experienced and not already aware, read on…
The truth of the matter is that both the subcategory of bondage and the larger world of BDSM are really about a power exchange. At its most basic, one partner, the submissive, voluntarily gives up control of themselves to the other partner, the Dominant. This power exchange lends great energy to the actions that the two partners perform together, and can lead to extremely passionate, fun and satisfying sex, among other things.
So where does a vibrator come in? The vibrator provides to the Dominant a stimulation tool that never gets tired, never has a bad day, and never quits in its efforts. More than that, it comes in a compact package, and therefore can be used in places and positions where other options won’t work as well. And finally, its stimulation is more concentrated and is generally more effective at generating sexual arousal than just about any other option, including body parts arguably specifically designed for that purpose!
What I say applies most strongly when the submissive partner is female–that’s generally the target audience for vibrators. Therefore, for the purpose of our discussion, let’s assume that we are working with a female submissive. However, much of the following can also apply to a male submissive, though perhaps some techniques may need to be adjusted to accommodate differences in anatomy, and the effects will likely not be as great.
One of the great joys in Domination comes from the ability to control one’s partner, to cause them to do and feel things almost in spite of themselves. This includes, most definitely, the ability to give your partner an orgasm. There are few other things that place your partner more under your control than making them reach orgasm. As dedicated readers know, one of my favorite things is bringing Joy to a climax when her limbs are cuffed and she’s unable to do anything other than twist in her bonds. And it’s even better when we’re talking multiple orgasms, one after another, each one coming right on the heels of the last.
Using a vibrator allows me to achieve this much more often than I ever could without one. For one thing, the effect of the vibrator applied directly to Joy’s most sensitive area is intensely pleasurable to her. There is no other tool I own, including my tongue, that can create such immediate and powerful excitement. In other words, the vibrator simply does an outstanding job of applying concentrated stimulation in a highly pleasurable spot.
In addition, it can do so for a long, long time. Unless you are bionic, you simply can’t compete with it’s implacable endurance. When your tongue would get tired, when you have already reached your own climax and lost interest, when you are tired and sleepy, the vibrator will keep on going. That’s a really good thing, because one of the biggest advantages of BDSM sex is that the adventure can last for a long time, allowing lots of buildup and a nearly explosive finish. You know how you always read that women needs lots of foreplay? Well, this is foreplay that you will really enjoy, because it is just as exciting for you as it is for your partner.
Want to try something fun? Bind your wife or girlfriend’s arms over her head, then bind her legs apart. In this position, she’ll feel somewhat vulnerable, as she cannot use her arms to push you or your hands away, and she cannot close her legs. (Remember, however, that she can call a halt to everything if she chooses–this is always and only consensual BDSM!) Then, using your hands, tongue and yes, a vibrator, take your time to bring her to a climax. Give her a minute to catch her breath, but don’t unbind her. After she’s calmed down a small bit, slowly start over, using hands, tongue and vibrator (aren’t you glad now that you have it?) to get her off again if you can. And then, if you think she can handle it, go one more time. Save your own pleasure for last.
Feel free to change her position during one of the rest periods if she starts to get uncomfortable, or if you want a different angle or view, but make sure she stays bound so that she remains in your control. Ask her how she feels afterwards…but you may need to give her a few minutes to recover her ability to speak. And watch how eagerly she lets you bring her to bed the next time you try this.
After a few days or weeks of performing this activity, you may be able to start skipping the cool down periods in between, and take her straight from one orgasm to another. Joy sometimes can have five orgasms in a period of about 10 minutes. The only reason we don’t go longer is that she begs me to stop because she feels like she’s going to explode.
Another nice thing about the vibrator is that you can use it in awkward positions. Consider the hog tie position, for instance. In this position, your partner’s hands and legs are brought together behind their back and tied, leaving them nicely helpless, but also blocking ready access to her genitals. You can easily use the vibrator to reach those delicious, secret parts of her body, however, while at the same time kissing and caressing your partner’s lips and nipples, or if you’re feeling a bit less noble and a bit more selfish, availing yourself of her mouth. The vibrator will let you give her pleasure at the same time as she’s giving pleasure to you.
Or it can serve as a helping hand during intercourse. Imagine that your girlfriend or wife is tied spreadeagled on the bed, and you are inside her. You can use the vibrator to add extra stimulation directly to her clitoris as you thrust, helping her to achieve her climax at the same time as you achieve yours.
Note that there are vibrators designed for anal use as well. While you can use a standard vibrator for anal play, I recommend you get one designed specifically for that purpose. Good ones are shaped so that they can be inserted into your partner’s rear entry and remain in place on their own, which frees up the hand that you’d normally need to hold it . While an anal vibrator won’t usually bring your partner to orgasm by itself, one thing it does nicely is raise their overall excitement level. Not only does this make taking them over the brink to climax easier, but it preps them for other activities that may benefit from arousal, including pain related activities such as wearing nipple clamps or being spanked.
One thing to note is that women who have never used a vibrator sometimes need a bit of an aquaintance period to get used to it before it provides its full effect. This would be true for anal vibrators as well. Be gentle when first introducing either model, and don’t give up if your partner’s response is not as powerful as you were hoping the first time around. Chances are good that her reaction will improve as the experience becomes more familiar to her.
The bottom line to all this is as follows: If you don’t already own a good vibrator, you should get one. And if you and your partner are into anal play, you should get an anal vibrator as well. No matter what you think now, you’ll thank me after you try one or both of them a couple times. And your wife or girlfriend will thank you for it as well…profusely!