Guest post by Joy

From time to time, Jake proposes a little ‘game’ of sorts. He sets me a daytime ‘task’, something for me to do on those days I have off work, something to capture and hold my attention on him and make us both eagerly look forward to the evening ahead. It makes him feel in charge to do such things, and really submitting to what he asks isn’t so bad. In fact, once I get over my inhibition, it’s usually rather exciting.

There is one game, however, that I really have difficulty with, and wonder how some of his fellow bloggers deal with this sort of thing. Not the dominants of course – I think I already know your response.

Lately, he has asked me to find and view online videos of spanking. Then, he would like for me to choose a implement to be spanked with that evening, and he will happily oblige.

I can watch the videos. Unfortunately most of them look fake to me- light taps on the bottom accompanied by insincere begging and howling. Really? When I find one that is more realistic, it can be more entertaining.

But where I get caught up and absolutely tongue tied is making the choice about what to be spanked with afterwards. I cannot do it. I’m not trying to be coy with Jake when I tell him I cannot coax a choice out of my mouth. I truly cannot choose. Nor will I spit out the name of something just to do so.

To me, presenting myself for spanking is a true submission. It is something that I let Jake do to me because he enjoys it and because I feel safe in his hands.  

And, though it is hard for me to admit, because it excites me.  

Really, considering everything that he does to make sure that my needs are taken care of, it is such a small thing. I am happy to do something in return, but I cannot take ownership and choose the tool. I cannot even just spit out a word thoughtlessly. I feel that the choice should be made with sincerity, but I cannot do it.

I feel that Jake should choose, and if he picks something I don’t like or am afraid of (for isn’t that the purpose anyway?), then it is up to me to submit to his choice.

So I have offered this to Jake: write the names of your spanking toys on paper; the belt, the paddle, the slapper, the floggers and even that nasty crop. Put the papers into a bowl and I will draw one out. There will be his answer. If he wants to stack the deck in favor of one spanking implement or another on any given night, that is his business.

My choice is to submit.

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