There’s a certain expression Joy gets on her face sometimes—it’s sort of a mixture of sleepiness and happiness. She wore it last night, with the help of a nice, fresh piece of ginger, a pair of leather cuffs, the hook in the ceiling (love the hook!), our favorite vibrator, a good measure of spanking and a thorough fucking. The proper label to describe it came to me as she lay in my arms: “Contentment”.

Joy was content. Her needs were met, her desires were satiated, her body was fully exercised and her demons were fully exorcised. I choose these four phrases quite carefully—a good Dominant/submissive encounter in our house delivers on each of them, and it is only when all four are delivered that contentment is achieved. Here’s what I mean:

  • “Her needs were met”: To be content, Joy needs to feel safe and secure. One way for her to achieve this it by placing herself under the care and protection of someone she perceives as stronger than her. When I make Joy helpless in her cuffs and spank her bottom, overpower her and use her body and then hold her close in my arms, it feeds her perception of me as a strong man who desires her and will keep her safe. Joy also needs to feel loved and valued, and when I have caressed and admired her, lusted for her and conquered her and taken great pleasure in her, it demonstrates that I both love and want her.
  • “Her desires were satiated”: Like many (most?) adults, Joy wants sex. Sometimes she downright craves it. Good vanilla sex can satisfy her, but a good BDSM session…well, orgasm is almost guaranteed. There is a certain sense of peace and release that comes after orgasm—tensions fade and stress recedes. Without an orgasm, Joy is left wanting more…wanting to finish. But after she reaches her climax, she can relax and simply be happy as she is.
  • “Her body was fully exercised”: The benefits of exercise to one’s mental health are well established. It relieves stress, sheds tension and causes the body to release chemicals that aid in a sense of well-being. Whereas it is possible for a woman to live down to the cliché of simply “lying there” in vanilla sex, there is no such thing in a D/s scene. The Dominant won’t permit it. Even in a case where the submissive is bound and immobile, muscles are tensed and heart rates escalate—BDSM is aerobic. In our case, Joy stretched and strained against her bonds in a mix of pleasure and pain, her pace of breathing escalated, and her muscles contracted and relaxed repeatedly as I rode her. By the time we were done, she had completed a nice workout, and her body had reaped the benefits of its physical labor.
  • “Her demons were fully exorcised”: Like many people, Joy lives with demons. She is filled with self-doubt and self-recrimination. She dwells on mistakes and overlooks achievements. Her fears wrestle with her hopes, and sometimes the fears come out on top. However, physical stimulation, both painful and pleasurable, tends to concentrate one’s attention quite nicely. A good spanking, for instance, captures Joy’s thoughts, pulls them away from problems and doubts and fears and focuses them on the here-and-now, the immediate sensations that she feels. With her bottom up and being paddled, she escapes her worries for a time—there is no room for them. More than that, the ignominy of being spanked underlines that she has given up control and relinquished the responsibility to make decisions, while my obvious lust for her reinforces her sense of being desirable. Submission exorcises her demons in ways that nothing else seems to match, and the result is a period of time free from anxiety.

The power of Dominance/submission and the benefits of BDSM sex frequently amaze me. I can think of no other time when I see that look of contentment on Joy’s face, but it occurs frequently after we’ve spent an hour or so together in the playroom. It’s a look I treasure—it makes me feel that I have done my job. We have so many stressors in our lives today, and it’s nice to have a break and simply be happy to be alive and together…content to be as we are. It’s quite wonderful that a BDSM adventure can give this to us.

Plus it really helps you to sleep well afterwards.

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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