As you probably know, the words “Top” and “bottom” are alternate terms for Dominant and submissive. The words originate from the idea that during sex, the person who is on top of the other is generally the aggressor, the penetrator and the one in control, while the person who is on the bottom is more passive, allows themselves to be penetrated, and gives up control. So the “Top” is on top and the “bottom” is on the bottom, and there you have it!
In my relationship, I’m the Top and Joy is the bottom. However, there’s a certain position that Joy likes very much that flies in the face of the tradition I described above. It’s the “woman on top” position, in which Joy straddles me for intercourse, placing the bottom on top of the Top, if you catch my drift. I thought it might be fun to discuss how we make this position, where the bottom is topping, fit into our D/s dynamic.
The “woman on top” position was the first in which Joy was able to reach orgasm, and though that hurdle has long since been overcome and she is now able to climax in a whole variety of different ways, it remains very powerful for her. “Woman on top” allows her to position her own body for maximum sensation from intercourse, and while that is a blessing from a pleasure perspective, it also speaks to the problem we must overcome. When Joy is on top, she has control.
Oh, it’s not a catastrophe for Joy to retain control in this position—it’s just not our mutual preference. The challenge, then, is to remove at least a bit of that control, so that she can both enjoy the pleasure the position provides and feel Dominated all at the same time, thereby maximizing the experience. Over time we have made substantial progress toward being able to prevail over that challenge.
A long time ago, when I was a teenager, I somehow stumbled across an erotic cartoon which featured a drawing of a young, blonde woman in a dungeon cell, naked with her hands bound behind her, being made to “ride” a large man wearing an executioner’s hood who lay on his back on a table. His hands grasped her hips and urged her up and down upon his erect member, and the expression on her face conveyed a mixture of outrage and arousal. In the meantime, a brunette beauty watched in horror as she waited, bound to the wall, knowing her turn was coming.
That cartoon has been burned into my memory since my youth, and it provided the inspiration for the first method we used to address the issue of control when Joy was on top of me. I simply cuffed her hands behind her back, carefully pulled her over to straddle me, and then assisted her to impale herself upon my penis.
And you know what? It worked pretty well. In this position, Joy retained some ability to position her body to more fully enjoy the intercourse, but as her arms were bound, she had less ability to control events. Notably, she could not easily un-impale herself—it took an effort for her to dismount. She also had a lovely lack of ability to hinder me from playing with her breasts as they swung in front of me, and several times a strategically hidden set of nipple clamps made a surprise appearance midway through Joy’s ride. And, as in the cartoon, I was able to use my own hands to guide her hips up and down as I chose when I wanted to do so.
Over time, however, drawbacks began to appear. The downside to this setup stemmed from the same source as the benefits–Joy’s inability to use her arms. She would eventually get tired trying to ride me using only her thighs to lift herself up and down and back and forth, even if I assisted as I described above. In addition, it was harder for her to move in such a way as to maximize sensation—radical shifts in posture would sometimes make her start to topple over, and I had to catch her before she fell. She worried that one day, if she got too wild and I became too distracted, I might miss and she’d fall off the side of the bed, a painful event with no arms available to help break the fall.
Because of this, we’ve moved away from this setup, and I’ve sadly had to consign the vision of the cartoon from my youth to fantasy. Now we use a different approach.
I put a hook into the ceiling over the midpoint of the playroom bed. (Contrary to popular belief, hooks do not sprout from our playroom ceiling like mushrooms—we only have two!) Now, when I decide that Joy will climb on top of me, I cuff her hands in front of her and then lift them over her head and attach them to the hook in the ceiling. This ensures she still cannot use her hands to interfere as I make use of her body, and she still retains the delicious feeling of being bound. However, she can also use them to assist her to move up and down on my shaft, and she can no longer fall off, even if she becomes rather energetic.
Just goes to show that a hook in the ceiling can solve all kinds of problems. I highly recommend them!