Recipe for Reinforcing Dominance

I’ve been corresponding offline with a couple who are fairly new to the BDSM experience, and during the course of the email conversation we discussed ways to meet the submissive partner’s desire for more Domination. Answering their questions made me think of how I’ve reinforced Dominance with Joy in the past, and I thought that an example might make a good recipe for a Friday adventure.

This recipe is far less complex than many previous adventures, and unlike some of the others I’ve described, it has a purpose other than simple fun. It is meant to make the submissive submit, and by doing so reinforce the hierarchy in the relationship. It may be used as a correction if necessary, but might also serve simply to allow the Dominant to reassert their Dominance. As usual, it’s written from the perspective of a male Dominant with a submissive wife, but genders and roles could be swapped with only minimal modifications.

You Will Need:

  • 1 pair of cuffs (though you could make do without these if you prefer)
  • 1 snap hook (necessary only if you are using the cuffs)
  • Close-range spanking implements of your choice, such as a paddle, a hairbrush or a wooden spoon


The tone for this adventure should be serious, and you should move at a fairly rapid pace. Remember that this is about asserting Dominance—that means that you will be directive and forceful…perhaps even a bit rough. If you employ protocols or rituals (kneeling, for instance) or use honorifics (“Master” or “Sir”), now is a time to enforce them.

Your goal for the evening is to make your partner submit to you. However, always remember that your number one responsibility, far more important than causing submission, is to take care of your partner. I said you might want to be a bit rough up above—do not translate that as causing any harm to your her! Employ a safe word, make sure your partner knows it, and abide by it if your partner uses it.

There is no need to instruct your partner to dress in special lingerie for this adventure—you’ll see why when you begin. I recommend that you remain fully clothed for the duration to reinforce the proper feeling, however, and if you wear something relatively formal it will create a better atmosphere than shorts and a Mickey Mouse t-shirt.

  1. Lead your partner into the room you plan to use. You may leave the cuffs and spanking equipment out in plain sight so that she can see them. Instruct her to undress.
  2. Watch her as her clothes come off. Feel free to tell her to hurry if she is too slow about removing them. When she is naked, place the cuffs on her wrists and use the snap hook to fasten them together behind her back, so that her hands are bound behind her.
  3. Lead her to a chair or the edge of the bed. Sit down and swiftly take her over your knee, so that her bottom is in your lap. Immediately begin to administer a firm spanking. I prefer to start with my hand, but you may switch to other implements as you desire.
  4. To be effective, a spanking must hurt. Remember, however, that there is a difference between hurting and harming. Reddening your partner’s cheeks is definitely in order. Bruising may or may not be acceptable based on what you and she have agreed upon. No form of serious damage however, is permissible.
  5. Simultaneously with beginning the spanking, begin your lecture. The topic you lecture on depends on circumstances and is up to you. If you are using this as a correction, then it would probably be about the reason for the correction. However, for the purposes of this recipe, let’s go with a more general topic, one that is broadly applicable. Let’s focus our remarks on ownership and who has control in the relationship.
  6. Tell your partner that she belongs to you. Remind her that her body is yours, and you will use it for your pleasure whenever and however you want. Tell her that she seems to sometimes forget that, and that you are spanking her to help her remember. Let her know that though you love her and care for her and want her to be happy, you also expect her to do as she is told, even if she doesn’t necessarily want to do it.
  7. Make sure your partner is responding to you. Ask her questions to make her speak. “Who do you belong to? When can I have you? What if I tell you to do something?”
  8. Continue spanking all during this lecture. Remember that you want it to sting–she should be squirming and wiggling in your lap. If she tries to interpose her hands to stop you from spanking, move them aside and continue. If she says, “Ouch!” or “No, stop!” do not stop. If she employs her safe word, however, stop. Check to make sure she’s okay, then finish your lecture sans spanking. Ideally she will not reach the level of using her safe word, and if you think she’s close to needing to, you may want to back off the pace a bit.
  9. In general, the sting of a spanking fades over a few seconds. Therefore, one way to decrease the pain is to space out your blows, waiting for a few seconds before administering the next one. Another way is to alternate locations, smacking first one cheek and then the other. To increase the sting, do the opposite. Smack the same location, and make the pace of blows more rapid.
  10. When you have finished your lecture, you believe that you have made your point, and you feel that your partner is now fully compliant, lift her up and take her in your arms for a moment to let her compose herself. Then, guide her down to her knees, unzip your zipper, and make her take you in her mouth.
  11. Use her mouth firmly, and feel free to employ her hair as a handle to guide her head if you desire. When you feel yourself about to climax, remove your penis and come across her face. Then, re-insert your penis into her mouth and instruct her to clean your cock.
  12. Afterwards, hold her close and tell her what a good girl she is and how happy she makes you. She has just submitted to you—reward her for it. Remember that her desire was to be made to submit, and you have just given her that desire. Let her revel in feeling protected and taken care of, encircled by the arms that just overpowered her. Make the experience of submitting to you as positive as possible.


After reading this, some people may say, “Wait a minute! You spanked her and then made her give you a blow job! Isn’t that just mean? How is that fun for her?”

The answer lies in the fact that your partner wants to submit…needs to submit…is consumed by a desire for submission. I have many times read complaints from submissives that their partner isn’t Dominant enough. This simple adventure is a way to respond to that complaint and satisfy their need.

Note that it’s easily possible to dress this idea up in complexity, add bondage or other positions or other actions if desired. However, the basic premise—compel an admission of submission and then use your partner for your pleasure while specifically not giving them pleasure of their own—is what matters, and as long as it remains in place, the result should be the same.

Enjoy yourself,


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