Recipe for Beginner’s Bondage

One of the audiences I try to write for is beginners—people who are either just starting to experiment with or are curious about experimenting with BDSM. This adventure recipe is meant for them. It’s very basic, and is suitable for those who have just dipped their toe into the bondage pool, and are now ready to take their first step into the water.

Not that this scenario won’t be fun for more experienced couples! There’s nothing wrong with a mixture of sex and a bit of basic bondage, and bells and whistle can be added to amp up the BDSM quotient if desired. As usual, I have written this from the perspective of a male Dominant with a female submissive partner, but tweaks could certainly be made to switch roles and genders if desired.

I’ve tried to keep the equipment list as simple as possible under the assumption that many beginners won’t necessarily have bondage equipment. Hopefully vibrators are plentiful enough that most beginning couples would have at least one stashed somewhere…

You Will Need:

  • Four old neckties (or you could use cuffs and rope if you have them—I would generally not advise rope alone as it may abrade your partner’s skin or tighten excessively under pressure)
  • A vibrator of your choice

Instructions:
Instructions:
Any sort of lingerie would be appropriate for your partner to wear for this adventure. If you want to instruct her on what you like, that’s fine, or you can give her free rein to select her outfit. Assuming your partner will be receptive to being bound, I suggest providing no advance notice about what you have planned and surprising her—leave the ties and vibrator in a non-obvious, but handy location so as not to ruin the surprise. If you have doubts about whether she’ll want to participate, conversation and perhaps some advance preparation is in order, and you might want to read my pages on Introducing Bondage into Your Bedroom. It is essential that sufficient trust exist between you and your partner, or she will be afraid rather than excited, and that’s not at all desirable!

    1. Preheat your partner thoroughly—you want her to be well and truly aroused before you introduce the bondage aspect of the adventure. Kisses, caresses, petting…all would be good ideas to raise her heat level!
    2. Once she has reached the proper temperature, look her in the eye and let her know you would like to try something new. Bring out one of the neckties and knot it around her left wrist. Lay her back on the bed and stretch her arm up and out to the top left corner of the bed. Use the tie to secure her arm in place (tying it off to the leg of the bedframe should work if you have nowhere else to fasten it). Repeat this activity with the other tie and her right arm, this time fastening it to the top right corner of the bed. Your partner should now be lying on her back with hands outstretched and bound overhead.
    3. Now that her arms are secured, spend some time to appreciate your partner. Appreciate her breasts, which are now freely available. Appreciate her nipples, which are probably sticking out like little rocks if being bound is new to her. And feel free to explore the rest of her body so that she can enjoy the sensation of feeling helpless to resist. Perhaps the idea of “enjoying feeling helpless” sounds a bit odd, but trust me—per my wife Joy, it can be quite exhiliarating.

  1. When your partner has experienced a bit of helplessness and feels nicely appreciated, fasten the other two ties to her ankles. Don’t fasten them to the bottom corners of the bed, however, but instead tie the ties off to the sides of the bedframe at the midpoint of the bed so that your partner’s legs are bent and and pulled somewhat apart. Don’t pull these ties too tight—you want your partner to have some ability to position her legs comfortably and to lift them up around you when you mount her, but be certain you don’t leave enough slack to enable her to close them together. Again, you’re attempting to establish a feeling of helplessness within her, and you want her to be fully aware that she cannot help but spread her thighs.
  2. When her legs are secure, take the vibrator in hand and mount your partner. Ride her for a short while, then bring the vibrator into play to stimulate her clitoris while you move inside her. Your goal at this point is to use your penetration as well as the clitoral stimulation to overload her pleasure circuits. Go for as long as you can, and try to hold back until she’s had at least one orgasm. Go for more if you can hold out!
  3. Eventually you’ll reach your own climax. If your partner has not finished and still wants to play, remember that you have the vibrator to assist her. It’s very wise to help her have as much fun as possible so that she wants to try this experience again.
  4. When everyone is done, set your partner’s legs and arms free and cuddle her on the bed. Remember your goal is to make this a very positive experience, filled with both excitement and closeness, so that repeat performances are welcome!

Commentary:

As stated above, this adventure is very basic and is aimed at beginners. Variations to increase the BDSM-level are easy, however. A gag, a blindfold, nipple clamps…all could easily be incorporated. If anal sex is already in your mutual repertoire, it’s also eminently possible to go there rather than into her vagina when you mount her. Another option would be to add a bit of role-playing context to the situation—perhaps you won the rights to your partner in a bet, for instance, or maybe you’re the photographer in a bondage photo shoot and you decide to take some liberties with your model once she’s helpless. I imagine you get the idea…

Enjoy yourself,

Jake

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