About a month ago Joy mentioned, during late-night, lights-out, pillow talk, that she wondered what it would be like to be spanked until she cried. Now, I’m not one to miss a blatant hint like that, but I have to say that this idea made me pause. I love my wife, and the idea of smacking her bottom hard enough and long enough to bring her to tears seemed like it might be too close to truly hurting her for comfort. I thought about it awhile, and then brought it up again a few nights later.
“Do you really want me to spank you until you cry?” I asked. “And if I did, how would you feel about it afterwards?”
Joy responded that she was curious about it, that she wondered how she would react and how it would make her feel. She also expressed trepidation about how she’d look in tears. But she didn’t retreat. She had meant what she said.
And so we did it. Actually, we did it twice. The first time I used the new “ruler” (actually more of a paddle) I purchased, and the second time I used our trusty riding crop, the one that Joy says “bites”. The experience has proven somewhat positive and somewhat negative for each of us, I think–it’s definitely taught us some things about ourselves, about each other, and about spanking in general. Things are still settling down a bit after the experience(s), but I thought I’d chronicle some of the discoveries we’ve made:
- Joy doesn’t cry easily–at least, not from pain. I had to go a lot farther than I thought I would to bring tears on. I had to spank her hard, fast and repeatedly in the same spot before she broke down.
- The first time, Joy used her safe word–an extremely rare occurrence. She said she got scared as soon as the tears started to come. The second time she did not. Instead, she says she had to leave her head to get away from the pain. Perhaps this equates to sub-space, but perhaps not–I’m not sure. In any event, the idea that she had to escape like this definitely bothers me.
- I did not overcome my concern about hurting her–I was worried about it all the way through, and even more so afterward. However, at the same time, I could feel a streak of cruel excitement in me as she whimpered and struggled under the bite of the crop. There is a disturbing bit of sadist hidden somewhere inside me, and I don’t know that I’m particularly happy about that.
- I left marks on her bottom with the paddle–the bruising was mostly on one cheek, but was lightly present on the other one as well. Neither she nor I were happy about that–the bruises make it seem as though she’s being hurt, rather than just given transient pain. However, the next time when I used the crop, the bruising was even more pronounced, probably because we went farther with the experience.
- Surprisingly (at least to me), the net effect of these spankings to our Dominant/submissive dynamic has been neutral. I had halfway expected that Joy would feel more submissive afterwards and I’d feel more Dominant, but any tendency in that direction has been countered by the discomfort it caused in both of us. My discomfort comes from my feeling that I hurt her, while Joy’s discomfort comes from her bruising, her self-concern about wanting such a thing in the first place, and (I suspect) her fear that I didn’t like the experience because I let her know it made me feel cruel.
- After the first time with the paddle, I asked Joy about whether it had “worked” and whether it was something she would want to experience again. At that time she replied that she thought it had and she thought she would. After round two, however, I think we’re both a bit unsure about whether it would be a good idea to repeat. Still, I have to confess that there’s a kind of thrill to the idea for me, and I suspect it is reciprocated in Joy. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day it may be appropriate to try again. It will be awhile, though, before either of us is ready.
No spanking tonight–we need to let the bruises heal. Joy’s poor bottom!