When it comes right down to it, I don’t much like to boss Joy around. Maybe that comes as a surprise—after all, I’m the Dominant, right? So isn’t my job to be the boss? Well…sort of…but that’s not really the best way to describe the dynamic in our marriage.
I do like to lead. However, there are many different styles of leadership, and IMHO bossing somebody around tends to generally be an ineffective one. In our relationship, being bossy would fail spectacularly, both because Joy would quickly rebel, and because I’d hate being that way. Instead, I prefer to be a suggestive leader, and I assure you I mean to imply both of the potential meanings of that word “suggestive”.
Joy is a strong, smart woman, completely capable of thinking for herself. I value her input on all kinds of decisions, and in many areas (both the art of negotiation and interior decorating come to mind, but there are plenty of others) she’s far more capable than I. She does not enjoy being slighted or made to feel inferior. However, she desires to feel cared-for by someone stronger than herself, and because of that, she allows me to take the lead.
And I…I am a “pleaser”. I don’t know if you’ve ever learned about the five “love languages” (worth a look—I think there’s some truth to this concept), but if you have, you’ll understand when I tell you that my primary love language is “acts of service”. This means that I express my love by doing nice things for my wife.
Even though I’m discussing myself, I still find this surprising. Wouldn’t performing acts of service fall more into line with the submissive half of a relationship? It’s puzzling, but all I can tell you is that I clearly live on the Dominant side of the fence, and yet I get great pleasure from doing nice things for Joy. Of course, an outsider might sometimes quibble with my definition of “nice”…
Joy wants to feel cared-for by someone stronger. How can I demonstrate that I am stronger than her? I can control her, or spank her, or “make” her do something that she wouldn’t ordinarily do. And I like to do nice things for Joy—isn’t giving her this feeling that she wants “nice”? And if it grants her great excitement culminating in spectacular orgasms as part of the process, isn’t that even nicer? These particular acts of service definitely give both of us great pleasure!
However, there’s more to it than that for me. You remember that “suggestive” word I used above? Well, I like to explore new things, suggesting fantasies and activities that I think might attract Joy. Sometimes it’s a perfectly innocent attraction for a quite vanilla activity, but often both the attraction and the fantasy are darker. And those dark fantasies are where I get the most joy (and the most Joy).
You see, the epitome of this “suggestive” leadership I’ve been talking about comes when I can succeed in tempting Joy to take a step beyond what she would normally allow herself, beyond where she has walked before. I’m not sure if the lure has to do with corruption of innocence, or whether it’s simply an expression of power if I can “make” her do something she feels is taboo, but there’s something about overriding her inhibitions that absolutely inflames me!
I can accomplish this through plain temptation—helping Joy imagine how exciting it will be or how good it will feel if she just takes one more step. I can accomplish this through lowering Joy’s inhibitory barriers, possibly by repeat exposures to the idea so that she has a chance to become used to it. And I can accomplish this by making Joy feel that she cannot help herself, either by physically binding her to remove her mobility, or through encouraging a submissive mindset through atmosphere, setting of the proper mood, and activities such as spanking. For added effect, I can combine two or all three of the above.
Note that none of these involve me forcing Joy to do something. However, each makes it possible for her to say “yes”…sometimes easier to say “yes” than “no”. And with patience, I’ve had great success over the years in leading Joy far and away beyond the fences that once bordered her sexuality. By following this strategy each of us has gotten what we want—Joy gets to feel cared-for, and to free her darker desires and live them in reality. I get to lead Joy into debauchery, inch-by-inch, and watch the gates of her inhibitions fall one-by-one. And at the same time, I derive the pleasure of knowing that I’m giving Joy what she wants, giving her the services that she needs.
It’s a wonderful thing when two people fit so neatly together, don’t you think? And isn’t it amazing what a little suggestion can lead to?