It’s certainly fun to be spontaneous, and it can be very fun to take your partner unawares with a pair of cuffs concealed behind your back and a ball gag in you back pocket. “Surprise, honey!” But you know what? It can be lots of fun taking the opposite approach, too. One way to set the proper atmosphere for an adventure is by giving your partner plenty of advance notice. Anticipation can be your friend.

Suppose that sometime during the day, you tell your partner that you will be having them that night. That way, as they proceed through the routine of their day, they can think about what lies ahead later in the evening. Maybe you even instruct them on how they should prepare–what they should wear, for instance, or some props to obtain and have handy…a couple wax candles and some 80 grit sandpaper, perhaps. No need to go into extreme detail about what you’re thinking–let your partner imagine what they might be doing in a few short hours, and their heat level will start to build.

You needn’t tell them in person–sometimes it’s more effective to provide your instructions long distance, so they can’t respond or see your expression and body language. You could email or text them a list of instructions so that they are ready when you both arrive home. Or you could leave them a card where they’ll get it when they walk through the door. In either case, they’ll be thinking about your plans for the remainder of the day, and they’ll be so very ready when it comes time to put them into action.

And by the way, it does not necessarily need to be the dominant partner who does the notification. What if the person playing the submissive role texted something like, “I’m sorry–I’ve been very bad today. I think I’ll need a good spanking tonight!”? Do you think that might start the dominant partner’s mind racing down the path to where the submissive partner wants to go? And while I know that some might start thinking this verges on the notorious “topping from the bottom”, I’d reply that the submissive partner is merely making a suggestion in this case, or perhaps even making a respectful request.

It’s also possible to communicate the desired message entirely non-verbally. The submissive partner could simply dress the part for dinner, sitting down to eat in lingerie, for instance, with cuffs and a collar. I know that when Joy did that the other night I certainly got the message she wanted to send! Or the Dominant partner could leave a blindfold in a place where their other half is certain to see it (on their pillow, possibly?). Or the Dom could simply pull their partner to them, hold their hands behind their back or over their head, kiss them, and then release them and go back to what they were doing, leaving them to wonder what might be coming later. Any or all of these say everything that needs to be said to start anticipation working in your favor.

Everyone wants to go fast these days, and get their pleasure NOW! But I think Carly Simon was right…sometimes, letting time work in your favor and allowing a long, slow burn to build into a raging fire can make the experience even more intense.

Enjoy yourself!


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