In keeping with the introspective theme of my last post, I thought today I’d outline my limits.
What’s that you say? You didn’t think Dominants had limits? Not so, good reader—-we all have limits!
Generally submissives find it more necessary to define their limits explicitly, because they wish to relinquish control and want assurance that they won’t be taken into areas they cannot handle or truly do not wish to go. Because the Dominant usually steers the direction of activities and the relationship, the need to expressly define limits is less—they can simply be sure they steer away from any barriers before they crash into them. However, this does not mean their limits don’t exist!
Here are my own limits as best I know them, arranged in no particular order:
- I will not do anything that I feel might place Joy or myself at serious risk of bodily harm. Therefore, breathplay, for instance, would be a non-started for us.
- I will not make Joy do anything she truly does not want to do. As an example, Joy has a serious dislike of blood or needles, so any kind of cutting or piercing is out.
- I will not intentionally do anything to tear Joy down mentally or emotionally, even if it would be beneficial to her submission. It’s somewhat fashionable to talk of “breaking” one’s partner– to me this term holds negative connotations of subverting their will and personality through physical force and/or destructive psychological techniques, and therefore I don’t like it. I won’t take this road, and instead try my best to always build Joy up.
- I will not do anything illegal. This covers a wide range of activities, most of which you can probably figure out yourself.
- I have zero interest in water sports, enemas or scat play. Frankly, full-on humiliation isn’t my thing either. There are other fetishes that hold little to no interest for me (mummification would be an example), but they also don’t trigger my avoidance mechanisms, so I don’t class them as true limits.
I’ve spent about the last thirty minutes staring at this page and trying to think of more than these items, but I’m not coming up with anything else. This seems like kind of a brief list to me, but perhaps it’s accurate. Maybe I’m more adventurous than I thought!
It’s important to recall, however, that this list constitutes items that I truly do not wish to do. There are many other activities that I don’t really care about or that I’m not attracted to, but if Joy wanted to experiment, I’d be willing to participate. And if it turned out she liked them, I might find some excitement in them as well. Just as with the mummification example I listed above, I don’t count these as limits.
Joy’s list would be a bit longer, I’m afraid, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s the interplay between her limits and my desires that provides much of the charge that BDSM provides.