In a recent comment, Conina mentioned that her husband hates “fumbling around” with equipment when they are in the middle of…well, you can probably guess what they would be in the middle of. And I have to say that I share her husband’s sentiment. You spend all this time building up excitement and arousal to a fever pitch, and then…pop! You hear that hissing sound? That’s the sound of the air going out of the balloon. That’s the sound that you hear as some sort of equipment problem or awkwardness gets in the way, deflating your Dominance and your partner’s submission, and letting that hard-earned excitement escape into the ether.

Obviously this isn’t a happy situation, and therefore it’s one I try hard to avoid. Over the years, mostly by trial and error, I have learned a few lessons about how to minimize the fumbling problem as much as possible. Here are the rules I try to live by:

  1. Be prepared! Yes, it’s the Boy Scout motto, but it’s also a good rule for Dominants to follow. In this case, “be prepared” means decide what toys and equipment you will need for your adventure in advance, then lay them out so that they’ll be immediately available when you need them. Not only will this reduce fumbling, but it will also help keep you on track if you’re a planner like I am. I’ve even gone so far as to lay items out left to right, in order of use. That way, I can start from the left and move on through until the scene is complete, and I won’t accidentally forget, for instance, that I wanted Joy blindfolded before I broke out the penis gag.

    One disadvantage of laying things out in advance is that they are visible to your partner, which can tend to ruin your ability to leverage surprise to heighten excitement. However, there’s an easy answer to that problem—simply cover the row of equipment you want to keep hidden, so that your partner can’t see the gleaming stainless steel of the Rope Master you plan to break out once the panties are down and the blindfold is on.

    If you’re not a planner, however, what do you do? What if you prefer to be more spontaneous? My personal suggestion would be to plan as much as you can anyway—otherwise, a certain amount of fumbling becomes inevitable. Consider at least laying out a selection of equipment that you think might be interesting so that you can easily locate what you need. There’s nothing worse than being one snap hook short and having to go digging through drawers to find one while your partner waits, half-bound and impatient. Alternatively, choose a scenario that doesn’t require equipment.

  2. Advance preparation pays off when it comes to dress and and various items you wear as well. If you have a leather harness that you feel fits the mood you want to set for the evening, don it before you begin. It’s not usually much fun for your partner to wait while you struggle to put it on. If you believe it’s best to keep your outfit discretely hidden until you’re ready to show it off, wear clothing over it. Taking clothes off can be done it a jiffy, much faster than putting them on.

    If you are going to leverage a strap-on during your playtime, put that on before you being, too. You can wear pants over it as well if you want to keep it out of sight—just be sure to pick a pair that doesn’t fit too tightly. This way you are ready to go as soon as the moment to employ your add-on tool arrives—no waiting to pull it up and tighten the straps!

  3. Consider your partner’s dress too! Make sure what they wear fits into your plans. For instance, suppose you plan to bind your partner hand and foot spread-eagled on the bed, place clamps on their nipples and then give them a slow and thorough fucking. If they begin the scene dressed in a full body corset with gaters and stockings on over their panties, you’re going to run into some obstacles. The corset will block access to their nipples and interfere with the clamps. The panties will get in the way when it comes time for intercourse, and you won’t be able to remove them without first removing the garter and stockings. And nothing is going to be able to come off without first releasing your partner’s limbs from the bedframe. All of this untying and retying takes time and interrupts the flow of your adventure!

    However, if you ensure that your partner is appropriately dressed, you can avoid this hazard. Consider peek-a-boo or cupless bras and crotchless panties in the above scenario. They can still prove ornamental, but will not interfere with any of the activities you have planned. No time need be wasted with detaching and reattaching–you can proceed straight through from start to finish with no loss of momentum.

In short, I guess that my advice to avoid the fumbling problem is to look ahead at the details of your scene as you envision them, and mentally walk through the steps you and your partner will follow from beginning to end. Look for possible problems and note the props and equipment you need. Lay out your equipment in advance, and take steps to avoid the potential problems you identified during your mental walkthrough. If you follow this process, you should be successful in greatly reducing the number of fumbling incidents you encounter.

Plus, let’s be honest. It’s lots of fun to walk through the scene you’re planning in advance in your head. What better to think about?

Enjoy yourself,


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