In general, giving oral sex is a submissive act. This is because it is performed by one partner for the pleasure of the other partner–the giver provides a service that the recipient desires. However, oral sex need not always be submissive. There are ways to spin it so that it is less submissive or even dominant, and there are ways to spin it to make it even more submissive than usual. I’d like to explore a few of those options in this post.

First let’s consider how to enhance the submissive aspects. Generally submission involves relinquishing of control to another and doing as they ask. So, to make oral sex become an even deeper act of submission, the dominant partner may:

  • tell the giver exactly what you want them to do and how you want them to do it, then require that they follow your instructions
  • require the giver to ask you for permission to perform oral sex on you
  • make the privilege of giving you oral sex the “reward” for completing a task or performing a service
  • require oral sex in a location or situation that is outside of the giver’s normal comfort zone (e.g. on the balcony of your hotel room, or in front of your roommate)
  • require the giver to simulate oral sex with an object, such as a dildo, while you watch
  • bind the giver’s hands behind their back, over their head, to their feet, etc.
  • bind the giver in an awkward or compromising position, such as a hog-tie
  • blindfold the giver
  • use your hands to hold the giver’s head in place or to “help” them give you oral sex

Male Dominants may also:

  • leverage some sort of open mouth gag, such as a ring gag, to prevent the giver from being able to close their mouth (there by making them feel “helpless” to resist giving oral sex)
  • require services after the inevitable result of the oral sex, such as swallowing and/or cleanup (generally performed with the tongue as the cleanup instrument)

Female Dominants, on the other hand, may:

  • sit on the giver’s face (be careful to allow them to breathe!)
  • require cleanup after the session is finished (generally performed with the tongue as the cleanup instrument)

Obviously there are other ways to increase the submissiveness as well–this isn’t a complete list! But it ought to at least spark some ideas. Now, however, let’s go the other way. What if you want to make you giving your partner oral sex into a dominant act? How might you go about doing that?

  • require that they give you oral sex at the same time (the 69 position)
  • require them to perform some sort of service, complete a task or pass some kind of test before giving them oral sex
  • restrain them so that they are “helpless” to prevent you from giving them oral sex
  • bind them in a particularly awkward or vulnerable position, such as bent over a chair with hands and feet lashed to the legs for a female, or supine with arms and legs outstretched for a male
  • require them to ask (or depending how well you do this, beg) for permission before they orgasm
  • don’t let them achieve orgasm–each time they get close, stop for a moment and then resume
  • mix pain with pleasure–alternate between spanking or flogging and oral sex, perhaps requiring them to submit to a certain number of strokes before the oral sex resumes
  • This list is shorter (though still incomplete!), as it’s harder to make giving your partner head a dominant act. But as you can see, it’s nonetheless eminently doable, and you shouldn’t drop it from your tool belt just because you play the dominant role.

    What’s the point of all this? Really, it’s that domination is about control. Whatever act or action you perform, whatever situation you are in, if you’re in control, you are dominating. If you are reacting to the situation and letting it happen to you, then you’re submitting. With this in mind, just about any activity you engage in can be either dominant or submissive–it’s all in the attitudes of the players.

    Enjoy yourself,


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