Joy and I are still out of town, but I had a few minutes to write, and thought I’d share some thoughts on a fun topic. Remember back to your childhood? Remember your brother yelling, “Ow, mom, she’s pulling my hair!”, or your mother warning, “I don’t ever want to catch you pulling your sister’s hair again!” Those refrains were common in our house when I was young, anyway, and I remember them clearly.

While it may have been against the rules when you were little, within a Dominant/submissive relationship, using the hair as a handle can be highly useful and effective. Why? There are three reasons that I can think of.

First, if you control the head, you control the rest of the body as well. That’s why, for instance, riders put bits in the mouths of their horses–because it allows them to control the horse’s head, and in turn, steer them in whatever direction they choose. Just as a horse instinctively knows that they must follow their head, so does a human, and therefore, when you grasp a good handful of your partner’s hair and use it to turn their head in the direction of your choice, it sends a clear message that you are in charge.

Second, using your submissive partner’s hair to control their head is particularly effective during oral sex. Note that though the specific actions you compel your partner to take may depend on whether you are male or female, the same general principles apply for both genders of Dominant. You may clearly indicate your desire by using your partner’s hair to guide their head to the correct location on your body. And once there, you can control their angle of attack, their rhythm and the rate at which they give you pleasure through pressure applied to their scalp. And note that if your partner’s hair is long enough, a pony tail provides an outstanding grip for one hand, while pig tails easily enable a firm, two-handed grip.

Finally, there’s the fact that hair pulling introduces a certain amount of pain into the equation. Pain, of course, provides the inspiration that enables a handful of hair to be such a powerful lever, but at the same time, pain itself can sometimes be a benefit. In the right circumstances, pain can be a source of great excitement…even pleasure…and hair-pulling can tap into this phenomena.

Joy has long hair, and it can be a source of serious arousal for her. Brushing it out or running my fingers through it can be peaceful and loving, while pulling it can introduce an immediate jolt of electricity into whatever we’re doing. Wrapping my hand around her pony tail and using it to pull her head up and back when entering her doggy-style seems to call out particularly loudly to her primitive urges.

Of course, one must be certain not to pull too hard–hairs can come out, and while a bit of pain may be titillating, physical damage to your partner is not! Be careful, and apply force judiciously and with safety in mind.

So, regardless of whatever dire warnings you may have heard from your parents, teachers or other symbols of authority when you were young, hair pulling isn’t always something to stay away from. Sometimes it’s exactly what is called for!

Enjoy Yourself,


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