Many lines, once crossed, cannot be uncrossed. When you take a bite of an apple, it will never again be whole. If you leave home, your relationship with your parents will never be the same, even if you move back in. Once you have sex, you’ll never again be a virgin. All of these are examples of actions that are irrevocable.

I have several times wondered whether Joy or I could return to a vanilla life if necessary. Would it be possible? What if something happened and Joy and I decided we could no longer practice our current lifestyle (not sure what it would be, but play along for the moment). Would we be able to go back to a “normal” relationship? Or what if something terrible happened, and I lost Joy somehow? Could I, would I, after the grief and shock, return to my previous life sans BDSM? Or does the exploration of a Dominant/submissive lifestyle consitute crossing one of those irrevocable Rubicons? And would the same be true for Joy if she somehow lost me?

For my own self, I suspect that the answer to the questions above are “No, I couldn’t go back to vanilla,” or at least not easily. I believe that now I have opened this particular bottle, the genie I released will not return willingly. If Joy and I resolved to return to our previous life together, the one we had before we began down this path, my suspicion is that we’d give it an attempt for a little while, but quickly break our resolution and gravitate back to where we are now. And my guess is that if somehow we split apart, or one of us lost the other, that we’d both seek out relationships in which our partner could fill the role we were missing.

I don’t think either of us could be satisfied anymore with vanilla sex. The passions raised aren’t strong enough, and we both have our inner demons we must placate. For me, I think this is a fairly obvious answer–I’d experimented a bit with some level of bondage even before I met Joy. However, Joy had no previous experience, and for her, the question might be a bit more difficult. Nonetheless, I’m confident that now that they have been awakened, her appetites are strong enough that they’d lead her back into a relationship in which she could submit. It might take her some time, especially because she does not trust easily, but I believe that she’d get there.

These are my suspicions about our relationship, and about Joy and myself. But that makes me wonder about others. From reading, it appears that some people do, in fact, drop out of TTWD, sometimes because they lose their partner, or sometimes for other reasons. Do they ever return? And if not, do they miss it? Do they dream about it?

Like many things, the answer to this probably varies based on the individual, but my guess is that most do return eventually, and those who do not, absolutely miss it. I suspect that once you cross the line into BDSM, retracing your steps and forgetting what you’ve learned is challenging indeed.

Enjoy Yourself,

Jake

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