One of the things I most like to do during a scene is to make Joy submit to me orally.
No, not that kind of orally–though, come to think of it, that’s also one of my favorite things to do. But what I mean it that I like to require her to use words to express her submission.
We learn to use language from infancy, and by the time we reach adulthood, it has become deeply embedded in our minds. In fact, most (all?) people carry on a running, inner monologue in their heads as they think, expressing their thoughts and feelings in words within their the confines of their head. Many of these words never exit that inner monologue–the brain chooses to censor them before they can be uttered. This process, carried on behind the opaque walls of our mind, allows us to think all kinds of things that we don’t care to admit, including those things that in the light of day we would call “unthinkable”. Because they exist only in the privacy of our minds, we retain deniability and feel safe, even if sometimes a bit guilty. Even that guilt can be assuaged, however, by telling ourselves that we are only thinking to ourselves, nothing more.
When words escape that inner monologue and exit via the tongue to open air and the ears of another, however, we lose that deniability. Instead, by virtue of those words, we admit our thoughts to both the listener and, more importantly, to ourselves. In fact, we are forced to acknowledge thoughts that we might have hidden from, and confront ideas or fantasies that may trigger our sense of fear or shame. In a sense, our spoken words make our inner thoughts more real.
In a BDSM context, this idea carries much importance and can be used in a varitey of ways. For instance, many people hold unspoken fantasies within them that they feel afraid of or ashamed to admit. Being required to speak those fantasies aloud can help overcome these negative feelings, and can help fuel the desire to make the fantasy real. If you can say it, many times you can do it.
“Joy, you want to be made to lick another woman’s pussy, don’t you? … Don’t you?”
“Tell me. Tell me what you want!”
“…I want to lick another woman’s pussy….”
“No, that’s not it. Tell me what you want!”
“…I want to be made to lick another woman’s pussy…oh my God, I do…”
This effect can be so powerful that sometimes just saying something can make it so, even if it was not necessarily so before you said it.
“Joy, do you want me to spank you tonight?”
“Do you want me to spank you with the crop? The one that bites?”
“…if you want to…”
“No, answer me. Do you want me to spank you with the crop?”
“Tell me what you want.”
“…I want you to spank me with the crop…”
Expressing something in words repeatedly can also act as a reinforcement, strengthening an idea, adding reality to it bit by bit.
Joy, who do you belong to?”
“These pretty lips…who do they belong to?”
“And these pretty lips–who do they belong to?”
And finally, there’s the idea of adding an extra level of submission by requiring your partner to request something that they aren’t very sure that they want in the first place…
“Joy, shall I spank you a little harder? Wouldn’t that be fun?”
“Joy, wouldn’t you like me to spank you harder? Ask me to spank you harder.”
“Ask me to spank you harder.”
“Would…you spank me harder…?”
“Of course, my dear, since you ask.”
All of these are examples of the spoken word’s ability to embody thought and imbue it with power. In some cases, that power can be leveraged to overcome limits or travel down an unexplored path. In others, it can be used to heighten Dominance and increase the feeling of submission. But in each case, the words take what existed first in the imagination and help to make it real.
The first kind of oral submission can be great fun–I’ll be the first one to admit that. But you know what? This other kind…the verbal kind…it can be just as much fun if you use it right.