A couple days ago I mentioned exercises in control that I’ve been working through with Joy. I thought that a quick and basic example of one of these exercises might prove of interest.
The goal of this particular exercise is to allow the submissive partner to gradually realize that they have given up control, and eventually reach the inescapable conclusion that they are helpless in their partner’s grasp. It works well for Joy, but as with any such exercise, your mileage may vary based on your own partner’s needs, desires, limits, etc. I’d also say it probably only is effective with a female submissive–males aren’t built correctly for this to work as designed.
First, bind your partner’s hands behind them. You could use an over arm tie if you were being fancy, but frankly, just cuffing or tying her hands behind her back works fine. Then, after appropriate warm up activities, place your partner in a sitting position at the head of a bed or large armchair, someplace where you’ll have access to something that can support your back. Seat yourself behind her with your legs out, so that one leg lies on each side of her, and her bound hands are between her back and your chest. Then both of you lean back, so that she is resting against you–in a sense, you’ve made yourself into a sort of chair for her to lean back against.
Put your legs over the top of your partners legs. Use your legs to pull her legs back and apart, spreading them wide. Bend your legs around your hers and brace them well against the bed–they’re going to have to withstand a fair amount of force in just a minute. Then, use the vibrator that you have handy (you do have a vibrator handy, don’t you?) to stimulate her clitoris, and your free hand to play with her breasts or pinch her nipples, and your mouth to nibble her neck or the lobe of her ear, until you bring her to orgasm…again…and again…and again…
Let’s take a time out mid-orgasm, here, to discuss the beauties of this position you have your partner in. First, it’s pretty comfortable and non-threatening. Because you are sitting so closely, wrapped around her almost like a blanket, it’s actually kind of romantic and creates a feeling of closeness. Second, because it’s so non-threatening, the fact that she has allowed you to take control of her doesn’t make itself immediately apparent. It remains for her to begin to realize this as she starts to twist and struggle. And third, because the control depends on your legs’ ability to physically overpower her legs, pitting your strength against her strength, it emphasizes that you are stronger than she is, a key ingredient to the common fantasy of being conquered. And of course, in this position, you have a fair amount of leverage, so you hold the advantage in the contest of strength.
Joy can reach orgasm multiple times, but sometime relatively quickly she hits a point where the sensation feels overwhelming. In her words, she feels like she “is going to explode”. Of course, in my ears, that sounds like a bit of a challenge (because I know an explosion isn’t a real possibility), and therefore I always want to push the limits of this just a bit to see if she can come one more time…
When I performed this exercise the first time with Joy, she hit the point at which her orgasms became too much, and began to squirm and buck. However, it quickly became apparent that she could not free herself, that she could not close her legs, and that she could not escape the vibrator sending jolts of mechanical pleasure up and down her nervous system. She could only struggle and plead with me to set her free, something which I eventually did of course, but only after it was perfectly apparent to her that the choice was mine, not hers.
And that’s the point, isn’t it? Submission means giving up control, and true submission means accepting that fact, realizing that you have lost or given away control and that no amount of struggling is going to win it back. This simple exercise reinforces that idea in a way that feels safe and non-threatening, but that in the end becomes surprisingly firm.