Is there really such thing as a “forced orgasm”?

I’m going to share my opinion on this topic, but I want to clarify that it is only my opinion. If others have a different view, please feel free to share in the comments!

Pictures of so-called forced orgasms are readily found online. A whole sub-genre of BDSM apparatus has sprung up around the idea. But usually when you examine what is being portrayed closely, it turns out to be less “forced orgasm”, and more “orgasm in some sort of extreme situation”. Examples can include in public at a BDSM convention, or while bound and helpless in a severe position, or with an unfamiliar partner. In these situations, the participant may feel somewhat outside their comfort zone, but they usually desire to participate and desire to enjoy the experience as well. While an orgasm isn’t necessarily an expected outcome, it’s also not an unwanted one.

Now, I’m a big fan of taking your submissive partner slightly past the edge of their comfort zone, and it’s all the better if you can bring them to climax while they’re there. But to live up to its name, the concept of forced orgasm must go farther than that. To be truly forced, an orgasm must be caused in someone who does not want to have one. And after pondering this for awhile, I contend that this simply isn’t possible.

First, within the boundaries of consensual BDSM, I have a hard time coming up with a situation in which an orgasm truly is not wanted. I can certainly think of activities that the submissive partner may not want to perform but chooses to anyway to comply with their Dominant partner’s desires. But when it comes to whether or not to have an actual orgasm…well, why wouldn’t that be relatively desirable all the time? It would tend to make non-enjoyable tasks more fun (and might, in fact, make them enjoyable after all). At best, I can think of situations where the submissive partner might be somewhat embarrassed if they achieve a climax. An example of this might be some sort of scene in front of a group or audience, where the submissive partner might feel less exposed if they can maintain their passivity.

Since it’s the best I can come up with, let’s use that scenario for our discussion. Let’s imagine that we’re at a private BDSM party, and a Dominant sets up a scene with their submissive partner. The submissive’s hands are secured overhead and they are stripped naked in full view of the other party guests. Their partner first blindfolds them, then spanks them soundly. The audience watches rapt at each smack, gasp and whimper. When the spanking has finished, the Dominant faces their partner directly towards the onlookers, and from behind, so as not to block the view, uses a vibrator to apply genital stimulation to bring the submissive to a climax.

This could easily be a fairly brutal scenario, and you can see how the submissive partner (depending, of course, on their personality) could feel some embarrassment at the situation, and prefer not to orgasm in front of the group of partygoers. As the stimulation goes on and the submissive partner’s body begins to react (if it does not, no orgasm will be achieved), I contend that their embarrassment will fade and they will slowly change their mind, first accepting that achieving an orgasm might not be so bad, then moving to actively desiring one. I fail to see how one could actually reach a climax without undergoing this mental transition.

Does this actually qualify as a forced orgasm? I don’t think so. Instead, I’d call it more seduction than anything else. While the submissive may be embarrassed being in the situation described and initially wish to remain passive, their inhibitions are overridden as the Dominant creates pleasure within them. Essentially, they are convinced by the Dominant that they do want to have an orgasm after all, in spite of any embarrassment they may feel. Admittedly this is not a slow, gentle seduction, but it’s done with the knowledge and consent of the submissive partner, and the end result is to make them desire the outcome.

To truly be forced, the submissive partner must not undergo that attitude change, and must continue to desire not to climax at the same time that they are climaxing. IMHO, sex is at least 50% mental, and I simply can’t see one’s body being engaged without one’s mind engaging as well. Can you imagine a situation in which your own body experienced pleasure and release while your mind rejected it? Perhaps I’m splitting hairs, but my judgment is that a true, forced orgasm simply does not exist.

However, that’s okay in my book. A forced orgasm as described above would tread awfully close to non-consensuality in my opinion, and that’s clearly out of bounds. There wouldn’t be any fun in it, either—making someone do something they don’t want to is just mean, not exciting.

The seduction side of things, however…that’s where the fun is. Eroding your partner’s inhibitions, helping their desire overcome their sense of propriety and setting their inner wantonness free to run rampant over modesty…that experience is filled with fun and excitement for both of you. And that is where I believe the sweet spot of BDSM lies. Can you picture yourself and your partner at the BDSM party we used as an example? Could you play the role of Dominant or submissive in the tableau we described? How would it feel? It might be a little scary, perhaps, or even a lot! But can you feel the deep river of excitement that underlies that fear?

Enjoy yourself,


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