Joy has a bit of a limit around exhibitionism. She was very much raised to be a “good girl”, and that includes dressing conservatively, avoiding excessive displays of public affection, and not doing anything that might be considered lewd and lascivious behavior where it can be seen by others.
This limit, however, is one of inhibition, and therefore, working with it stands a very good chance of being rewarding. How do I know that it is a limit of inhibition? Because if you give Joy a glass of wine or two, she worries a lot less about pulling her skirt down over her knees or buttoning up her sweater to hide her cleavage. And when I am with her in private, she feels free to enjoy dressing as wantonly and behave as lewdly and lasciviously as anyone could wish. Her limit comes from being educated that displaying herself in public in any way is improper.
We’ve been working with this limit for awhile now, and have made some progress. For instance, Joy can and will go out with no panties on under her skirt as long as it’s at least knee length, and I’ve had a modicum of success in convincing her to wear lower cut blouses or dresses. Once or twice, on occasions where it’s highly unlikely to be seen by anyone, she’s even consented to wear her dress collar (a leather choker with an o-ring on the front) outside the house. However, to date she’s not been able to get beyond that. Skirts have had to be long, and overall, her dress has shied away from sexy and instead trended towards prim.
Allow me to digress for a minute here. You might read the above and think that this is a situation I’m not happy with, or that it’s a stressor for our relationship. That is a false impression. Limits are where the fun is. I’m going to restate that, and any Dominants out there who lament their fate because their partner can’t or won’t give them what they want, pay attention. Limits are where the fun is! You dominate your partner by requiring them to do something they would not ordinarily do. If your partner has no limits, they’re happy to do whatever, and while you can direct them, you cannot dominate them. However, if your partner has inhibitions, or lack of knowledge (or even to some extent, fear) of certain acts or situations, you have something to work with!
Forcing someone to do something they truly do not want to do is mean, no fun, and often illegal. Let me clearly state that this is not what I’m talking about! Instead, good Domination take places when the Dominant partner discovers an act or situation which the submissive partner desires but has difficulty letting themselves face, and then through bondage, verbal instruction, “punishment” or other BDSM techniques, frees them to let themselves experience it. That is what I am doing with Joy. If Joy routinely liked to dress like a “ho”, then requiring her to do so presents no challenge—she’d do it anyway. On the other hand, imagine the feeling of adrenaline-charged excitement for Joy and the sense of triumph for me if I can work with her so that my requirement and her sense of submission give her a mental “excuse” to overcome her inhibition and wear provocative attire out, catching the attention of every man she passes…something she secretly longs to do.
This Halloween provides Joy and I with the opportunity to take a large step forward. We have been invited to a Witch’s Ball—essentially a costume party with food, drinks, dancing, etc. Joy has already consented (and in fact, suggested) wearing considerably more risqué apparel that usual, with the idea that it will pass as being part of her costume. She plans to dress as a witch, and will wear her dress collar and a pair of leather cuffs along with her witch’s outfit. Under her skirt, she will wear the pair of fishnet, thigh-high stockings with built-in garter belt I bought her and no panties, leaving her deliciously bare underneath.
However, I know Joy, and if I leave it to her, the witch’s outfit that she chooses will consist of a long black skirt and a black sweater, perhaps with some sort of vest over it. This will not do– I want something much sexier than what I just described. Therefore, I have been looking at costumes for her. Her skirt must be long enough that it covers her, but short enough that she must be careful not to flash the room. And her top should be cut so as to show off her cleavage to its best advantage. Perhaps I’ll need to instruct her to wear her cupless bra out as well—we’ve talked about that before, but to date she hasn’t been able to take the plunge.
There are lots of fun costume options out there, and I’m going to select a good one. However, something I always need to remind myself is not to overreach. This is my personal downfall as a Dominant—I tend to want to go too far, too fast, and I always have to remind myself to take baby steps when working with a limit. So I’m going to try to rein myself in, but still capitalize on this opportunity for progress against the limit. Wish me luck!