Do you want to strengthen the feeling of Dominance in your relationship? And does your partner long to feel more submissive? Here is a quick post listing four techniques you can use to accomplish both these goals, plus have a lot of fun along the way. Not all are necessarily appropriate for all situations, but most can be tweaked to fit the large majority of relationships.

  1. Require your submissive partner to gather the tools, props or equipment you need for a scene. You may or may not choose to let them know what you’re going to do with the items they gather. If you choose not to tell them, you leave them wondering, “What’s he going to do to me with this? Should I give it to him? But I have to give it to him…how can I not?” On the other hand, if you choose to let them know, you are saying to them “You know what I’m going to do with this, but I want you to get it for me anyway.” As an example, this week is spanking week at our place, and Joy is expected to come see me every night before bed for a spanking. She is required to, without any prompting from me, remove her panties and bring me the spanking tool (paddle, belt, crop, etc.) she would like me to use that night, knowing full well that she will be feeling it on her tender bottom shortly.
  2. Expect your partner to verbally reinforce their submission to you. In other words, have them use words to convey their submission in addition to actions. There are a couple different ways to do this, and they are best illustrated through example. The simplest way is to ask questions and expect answers:
    ”Who does this penis belong to?”
    “To you, Mistress.”
    “And what can I do with it?”
    “Whatever you want, Mistress.”

    A variant on this approach is to require a statement of submission at the beginning of a scene. For instance, you can create a sort of ritual that you enact with your submissive partner each time the bedroom door closes, in which they say something like:
    “I am yours. My body is yours to do with as you see fit. My breasts are yours, my legs are yours, etc.…”

    A more powerful way to accomplish verbal submission, however, is to require that your submissive partner ask for you to do something to them. As an example…

    ”Do those clamps on your nipples pinch?”

    “Yes”

    “Do they hurt just a little?”

    “Yes”

    “Ask me to make them tighter… You heard me. Ask me to make them tighter.”

    “Please, would you make them tighter?”

    “Since you ask so nicely, yes I will…”

  3. Expect your partner to do something that isn’t their favorite thing to do. It’s always fun to give your partner a treat—I certainly enjoy making Joy happy and giving her pleasure! However, by requesting that your partner do something that they don’t enjoy as much, you reinforce their submission to you. Bear in mind that all submission is voluntary—it’s neither good nor appropriate to make your partner do something they truly do not want to do! However, when you choose something that they do somewhat reluctantly, then it makes clear that they are doing what you want, rather than what they want. Note, though, that this should be a once-in-awhile thing. If you pursue this idea frequently, you will take the fun out of the relationship for them, and that is not a desirable outcome!
  4. Take control beyond the boundaries of a scene. Within a scene, it’s standard practice for you to play a Dominant role and your partner to submit. However, what about outside a scene? Would it be fun and interesting for you to extend your Dominant role further? Would your partner enjoy it as well? For instance, last month Joy was expected to go without panties, regardless of what she was wearing, where she was going or who she was with. It was lots of fun checking to make sure she was meeting expectations at various times throughout the month, and her ongoing submission to this requirement kept us both at a low boil for the entire duration of the exercise.

If you’re experienced, you probably already practice these four techniques, but if you’re new to BDSM, hopefully this gives you and your partner some ideas to play with. Feel free to amend however necessary to fit your needs and situation!

Enjoy Yourself,

Jake

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