As mentioned a couple days ago, I’m working on trying to create my own set of classifications for Dominant/submissive relationships. This is the second post on this topic, and I’m going to talk about the second type of D/s relationship, which I’ve called “D/s-Lite”. To see my thoughts on the first type, you may read my post on Pretenders.
I’ve called the second type of D/s relationship “D/s-Lite”, and it is the type of relationship I believe Joy and I have. To continue with the metaphor I used in my earlier post, the D/s-Lite group remains towards the shallow end of the D/s pool, but they venture out away from the edge. They don’t actually get so deep that they can’t touch bottom, but they do reach deep enough water that they can fully immerse themselves when they choose.
Like Pretenders, the dominant and submissive activities of a D/s-Lite relationship are part-time, and are almost always focused around sex. (In theory, they could be focused around something else, but in practice, I believe this is very uncommon.) Oftentimes, the archetypal “bedroom submissive” belongs is this group. Outside of the bedroom, the D/s aspect of the relationship fades to nothing, but behind the closed bedroom door (or more accurately, within the realm of sex), the D/s aspect can be quite strong.
Bedroom activities are planned and orchestrated by the dominant partner based on their knowledge of the submissive partner’s likes and limits, and may include bondage, corporal punishment or any other type of BDSM behavior. It is expected that the submissive partner will surrender themselves to the dominant’s desires within the boundaries of the bedroom and within their own limits. The submissive’s limits may be (gently) tested at the dominant’s discretion, and may expand gradually over time.
However, and this point is crucial to distinguishing D/s-Lite from other classifications that swim deeper into the D/s pool, the dominance aspect of this relationship is performed through pulling rather than pushing. In other words, the operative word for a D/s-Lite dominant is “entice” rather than “compel”. The D/s-Lite dominant uses their submissive partner’s own desires and sexual excitement to conquer their fears and inhibitions, thus leading them into new activities and situations that they never would have dreamed they’d have allowed themselves to participate in when they started out.
To be successful at this, the D/s-Lite dominant must take a creative approach and be willing to accept gradual progress. The D/s-Lite submissive must be willing to trust the dominant to lead, and be willing to follow the dominant at least somewhat out of their comfort zone. A wise D/s-Lite dominant attempts to operate just beyond the zone of comfort of their submissive partner, so as to allow them to grow, but at the same time, not jeopardize the trust required for this type of relationship.
As I mentioned above, I believe that this is the type of relationship that Joy and I have, and there are many examples of activities that Joy now happily participates in that she originally would have run from in horror. Taking a gradual approach and not exceeding her limits has allowed us to come far together. For examples of how this type of Dominant/submissive behavior might work, you can read my series on introducing bondage into your relationship or helping your wife enjoy anal sex.
The D/s-Lite category provides a path for those who enjoy a taste of true dominance or true submission, but who do not wish to fully control/be controlled by another. Relationships may migrate here out of the Pretender category, or sometimes, if one partner is already experienced, they may enter the D/s-Lite category from vanilla life directly. It is also quite possible to move from D/s-Lite farther into the pool to where the water is deeper. It is rare, however, for a relationship to move back from deep water into D/s-Lite.
As before, if you have thoughts about the D/s-Lite category or types of D/s relationships in general, please feel free to share them in the comments–I’d love to get your thoughts and feedback. Thanks, and…